Center Image by Nico Paix via Flickr CC
Dear World:
We need to talk.
You’ve gotten into a really bad habit of equating a person’s worth or character with the depth of their healthy eating habits. Unfortunately, food manufacturers have gotten wind of this and now design their packaging completely based on shame and guilt. In our culture you are “good” if you eat a salad and “bad” if you eat a cupcake. I’m going to go ahead and call that what it is: total bull crap.
I believe that food is not neutral. It either makes you more healthy or less healthy. It’s one or the other. I believe that wholeheartedly.
I believe that the vast majority of North Americans grossly underestimate the impact of the frankenfood diet in which they partake. Yes, I know this first hand. Denial is a river in Egypt, baby, and some days I’m floating down the darn thing in a lazy river raft, tucking into a hot fudge sundae from McDonald’s.
And yet. AND YET… I do not believe that food is a moral issue. Not in this sense of the word, anyway. Right now as you read this, there are people dying of starvation in the world, yes there are. And there’s the fight for the legalization of raw milk and food freedom. There are slavery issues and fair wages for farmers and workers getting sick from their hazardous job of spraying mass amounts of poison on our growing produce.
Those are moral issues, my friends. But eating a hot fudge sundae from McDonald’s?
Will. Not. Send. Me. To. Hell.
It will not send you to hell, and it will not make you a bad person. Not EVEN if you are a bona fide member of the Real Foodie Community, as indicated by a number of dead giveaways, such as (but not limited to) having multiple strains of bacteria fermenting and culturing and growing on your counters ON PURPOSE, having ever ranted about rancid vegetable oils, the dangers of soy, or the virtues of butter and grass-fed beef, having ever made your own ketchup, mayonnaise, toothpaste, or cheese, etcetera, etcetera.
Not even then.
Image by Stephen Nakatani via Flickr CC
Will it give me a belly ache? Probably. And even if it doesn’t give me that, it will absolutely have some kind of negative ramification, health-wise. Small or large – we all know that hot fudge sundaes (unless they’re homemade with wholesome and real ingredients) are not good for you. Sugar is terrible for you, the additives and stabilizers and artificial colourings they add are not exactly nourishing, and things like fast food sundaes, burgers, fries, etcetera, are all designed to artificially put your taste buds on hyperdrive so that your brain becomes addicted and desires more of a “hit” again and again. Plus, the rise of sugar and processed and fast food junk has been directly linked to the diabetes and heart disease pandemics in our society.
So there’s that.
Here’s the thing: most people know this as a Universal Truth in our world. As much as I wish we lived in a parallel universe in which hot fudge sundaes were good for you, we sadly do not. So we choose to indulge once in a while, and we enjoy that indulgence to every last drop, licking out the container and the spoon until all we taste is BPA-laden plastic. Yum.
Maybe you choose to indulge in total junk once in a while. Like McDonald’s. Or maybe your version of indulgence is actually something far more tame, but equally as exciting in your world, like homemade ice cream made with sugar that you don’t otherwise consume.
Maybe you do, and maybe you don’t.
Either way, it does not define you as a person. It does not define your character, or your worth. There is – may I say it? – more to life than healthy eating. There is, in fact, more to life than being militant about every morsel that passes your lips.
Food is NOT the only source of health and wellness in our lives. Stress and mental wellness plays a huge role in our physical health, and guess what can cause a whole ton and a half of stress in your life?
FOOD, that’s what! As the kids are saying these days: Oh snap.
Allergies, food sensitivities, food-related health conditions – those are all reasons to be miltant about food. Others of us? Might be able to chill the heck out just a little, lest we find ourselves shunning anything within a ten-mile radius of every hint of preservatives, stabilizers, pesticides, hormones and growth hormones, food dyes, nightshades, salicylates, oxylates, phytic acid, fructose and glucose, grains, soy and sugar, heavy metals, mercury, and candida, conventional dairy, gluten, (and the list goes on) and subsisting solely on homegrown kale and flaxseeds. Blech!
Breaking news! Food is about more than just physical health!
Image by L.C.Nøttaasen via Flickr CC
Food and community have been intertwined themes since the beginning. Jesus ate in community throughout scripture. Love and miracles and all manner of teaching was done over food, in the midst of eating, savouring, and enjoying good bread and wine and meat and fish and fruit. It is the defining basis of societal interaction and it has been the ultimate universal human experience since the beginning of creation.
The thing about elevating the importance of food above community is that you start missing out. You can miss out on community and social interaction; you miss out on real relationship – or worse – you can harm relationships. No one wants to be the host that works tirelessly on a meal for guests only to have said guests awkwardly turn up their noses at your offering because it’s not up to their personal standards for nutrition. No one wants to be with the friend who’s constantly harping on the disgustingness of that pesticide-laden strawberry that you are eating or the inevitable diabetes and heart disease from your choice to drink a soda (or the cancer from the aspartame in the diet stuff – take your pick).
I’ve been surfing along in this real food, healthy living world for five years now, and one of the biggest takeaways to all of the reading I’ve done is inevitably a ridiculous, staggering amount of guilt. I should feel guilty for eating that McDonald’s sundae, even if it doesn’t make me feel sick, because have you SEEN those ingredients? Blech! (<– not denying it).
Friends, can I just say something? I have enough guilt in my life. Yep, I’m actually good. Not currently looking for any more.
I already struggle with feeling guilty about how caught up on housework I am, how much time I spend watching TV with hubs on the couch after the kids are in bed, how much more “with it” the other moms all seem to be, even though it’s probably actually a made-up conglomeration of eight of my friends into one fictional person that actually has her fictional shizz all together.
I DO NOT NEED ANY MORE GUILT, and the next time my brain tries to sneak some in when I’ve *gasp* had rice with my dinner while I’m trying to cut back on grains, or had creme brulee on my wedding anniversary dinner date, or heck, choked down a slice of take-out pizza when life got overwhelming and I just couldn’t make dinner happen without losing my Ever Loving Mind, when I’m at a church potluck (Oh mercy, I do love me a church potluck!) and I fill my plate with potato salad and hamburger casserole, non-organic carrot sticks, coleslaw, baked beans and lentils and meatballs all carefully made with canned soup and store-bought salad dressings and CAFO meat in a little old lady’s kitchen with more love and care than you can possible even imagine…
Yes, oh yes, the next time my brain starts up that red alert of GUILT and SHAME in those instances, let me tell you what I’m gonna do:
I’m gonna own it. I’m gonna own my nutritional decisions and I’m gonna learn from them. I’m gonna pick one new strategy for nourishing my family better, and I’m gonna set it in place. Meal planning, trying a new recipe for a homemade staple item, setting aside a day for making some freezer meals (for those days), crockpotting. Whatever, dude. I’m gonna try to choose the least-processed looking thing at the potluck. Maybe a small bit of casserole with a heaping portion of green salad and a store-bought meatball or two for indulgence-sake. I might even have dessert. Then I’m gonna let it go.
Just gonna let it go, baby. I’ve often heard it said that stress can takes years off your life. Just let it go.
Image by Katherine Lim via Flickr CC
I can go home and be extra careful for a day or two to balance things out. We can have homemade sauerkraut for some gut-loving probiotics, homemade bone broth soup with organic, grass-fed beef, and heaps of fresh veggies on the side. I can make bacon and eggs, homemade yogurt, and homemade mayonnaise with free-range chickens from a local farmer.
I can live by the 80-20 rule where I attempt excellence in 80% of our diet so that I can relax and not stress about the remaining 20% of wiggle room for times when I choose to eat ice cream. Or s’mores once a year while camping. Or Little Old Church Lady’s potluck casserole.
This may be new to some of you, but we CAN acknowledge that certain things are healthier than others without attaching shame and guilt to them. It’s true, honest.
I OWN my choices and I make those choices based on the best knowledge I have of what I need to be a healthy, functioning, wife and mama to my precious family, and if that includes tipping the scales a little with bacon and eggs for dinner (gasp! no vegetables?! …or *gasp* take-out!?) in favour of reducing some of my stress so that I stop grumping at my kids and husband so much, so that I can catch up on laundry, or so that I can just sit and mentally regroup with a cup of tea instead of cooking for two hours this afternoon, then SO BE IT.
Instead of allowing my poor choices to drown me in guilt I will allow them to spur me on to action. It’s a fine balance, really. I want to give myself grace, but not use that grace as an excuse to spiral down into total junk that is going to make us all feel sick.
It’s right to be concerned about the food you eat. It’s right to be concerned about health and how your diet nourishes (or doesn’t) the bodies of your beautiful family. It is certainly wise to think about such things, to learn and grow and challenge your mind with new information, to break out of unhealthy ruts and burst into new healthy habits. It is admirable to try new things and to make serious effort to nourish your family through a real, whole foods diet, however stringently you choose to do so.
YES! Let’s do it! But, friends, let’s not elevate food to a level at which it does not belong. Healthy eating does not make you a better person, just as junk doesn’t make you a bad one.
Food is not a moral issue – let’s not allow it to act as one.
Joanna
Hi Beth. Thank you for echoing the thoughts in my head earlier this week. I have diagnosed anxiety, and my efforts to eat more healthily were increasing it to the point that I, yet again, was not eating enough (I eat less the more stressed I get). It’s a relief to hear it from someone else.
Beth
Thanks for sharing, Joanna. I wish there wasn’t such guilt and shame surrounding food. I do hope you can find peace with it and enjoy it soon.
Andrea
I’ve got mad respect for you, woman 🙂 Fantastic post.
Beth
xoxo, thank-you so much, glad you liked it 🙂
Nicole S.
Needed this!!!!! Will be sharing, thank you so much for writing it. Us moms and dads need less to worry about and stress over, (especially if there are food sensitivities in the family). Thank you thank you thank you!
Beth
Thank-YOU, Nicole, for reading and for hearing my heart and GETTING IT. So many folks just don’t get it. Thanks for sharing, too 🙂
Laura
*Loud applause*
Beth
thanks Laura.. xo!
Joy
You know what’s funny? I spent significant time this past week deleting, un-liking and unsubscribing from every website, facebook page and blog that was in any way green-ish and/or whole/paleo/fermenting/etc…(except yours, ’cause I love you 🙂 ) I jumped on these bandwagons about 3 years ago and have recently discovered that the only thing I’m getting out of it is guilt. I’m done – I know the basics and if I want to follow them in a particular case, I will, if I don’t want to, I won’t. There are instances when food is a sin issue, but not here. Thank you, Beth, for saying what needs to be said. Bless you, Friend!
Beth
Oh Joy, I know EXACTLY what you mean. I too have unsubbed from SO many of those blogs. I have just a small handful left, and I don’t read the fanatical ones anymore. The info they present is good and important, but sometimes it gets to be a bit much when it’s not tempered with any reality or difficulty or grace. Good call on knowing when to end it. xoxo.
Sara
After reading your post, I must say that my first impression of you is that you are . . . FREAKING AWESOME! Very well written, unafraid to express what’s real vs. what’s politically correct, & a real wake-up call for those of us who obsess over eating something not sanctioned by the mainstream media & the “trainers” on weight-loss TV shows. Life is for living, and that includes the occasional treat or shortcut along with all the healthy stuff.
Beth
HAHA! The first bit of your comment that showed in my dashboard was just before the word “awesome” and I was all nervous, like, “uh, oh dear, what blessed adjective is going to come next?!”, haha! THANK-YOU for your really kind comment, glad you enjoyed! xo.
Emily @ Live Renewed
Thank you so much for this post – not just for calling out the real-foodie culture about this, but also for telling the other side – when we’re slipping down that slippery slope of too much grace and too much junk food, to reign ourselves in and do something about it. That’s where I’ve been the past month or so, and I’ll tell you – the GUILT has been strong. But you know what, the guilt really doesn’t inspire me to change. It honest and real post and talk like this that inspires me to change. That I shouldn’t make better choices because of feeling guilty about what I’m feeding myself and my family, but because I’m truly encouraged to help them be the healthiest they can be. You’ve encouraged me on that endeavor today. Thank you sweet friend!!
Beth
Yes, there’s such a fine line, eh? And it’s so true that the guilt does not inspire change. It inspires wallowing. And ice cream stuffing-in-your-face-ing. We should be making better choices because we want to, not because we feel guilty. Thank-you for reading! xoxo.
Marci
Great post!! Totally spot on!!!
Beth
Thank-you Marci! So glad you enjoyed 🙂
Katie @Nourishing Simplicity
Beth this is one of the best posts I have read in a long time! You totally touched home.
I was working myself through this mental battle last month when I chowed down on a coke, McD’s chicken sandwhich, fires and MSG ladened chips. I had a delighful time with the people I was spending time with and fully enjoyed it. Oh and the pizza and ice cream two days in a row as well. 🙂
I will be sharing this today!
LOVED.IT.
Beth
Wow, thank-you for such a high compliment (especially coming from a blogger 🙂 )
I love your ability to reconcile a good time with having McD’s. It can happen. Not that we love the McD’s, but the ability to put people/relationships above that – that’s beautiful. Thanks for sharing that.
xoxo!
Meghan
This was so well said! Much of my life is spent in the kitchen making meals and snacks so I know the food they are eating will be healthful and not hurtful. Sometimes, I just need a break. I need to be able to grab some take out and unchain myself for an evening and take that extra time to love on my family. Yesterday when the priest gave my 2 year old a couple bites of his crispy creme, I just laughed at the frosting covered grin. I am going to bookmark this page to reread when I get a little too hard on myself 🙂
Beth
Thanks for your kind words, Meghan. And wise, too. Yes – it is so important to balance our own mental health and well-being, our emotional well-being, etc. with our physical well-being. It’s a give and take, right? Thans for commenting! xo.
Lola
Awesome. To be honest, I have never felt very guilty or shameful for anything I eat. But I kinda have that “you can’t tell me what to do” attitude most of the time. I think the reason I’m so obsessive about healing my body through diet is so I can eat like you without having weeping sores all over my head 🙂 gross eh?
Beth
I totally think that I would be militant about my diet too if I had any huge in-my-face health concerns. I recently stopped eating gluten, but only after having daily stomachaches for 2 months. We do what works, right? Relaxing about diet once in a while is a privilege, for sure.
Elsie
I love articles like this! It’s a pity that people often start out really excited by Real Food and all there is to learn, but a couple months down the road turn into ogres about it and make others feel judged for their food choices! Thankfully I haven’t experienced this with any of my real life friends, but I definitely got this sense from some of the blogs I [stopped] reading. I eat “junk” food pretty frequently, usually the kind I make myself: creme brulee, frozen custard, doughnut muffins, cinnamon rolls, et al. On principle, I try to make at least one junk item per week, just to stay true to my sweet tooth.
Beth
Yes, the guilt is rampant in the blog world, isn’t it? I’m just so over those sites that are obsessive about every tiny little thing every second of the day. I can’t do it. Maybe if I had more time and energy and never played with kids ever again… no thanks.
By the way – do you have a recipe for creme brulee? That’s my all-time fave 🙂
Elsie
Yes, yes! Here: http://findingthesource.blogspot.com/2012/09/creme-brulee.html
Will
Totally spot on!! I have grown quit weary of the snobbish, condescending remarks. Thanks so much for writing this.
Beth
AMEN! And thank-YOU for reading 🙂
Jill @ The Prairie Homestead
BEST. POST. EVERRRRRRRR.
I have really learned to chill out about my food the last year or so, and lemme tell ya– it’s such a good feeling!
Yeah, we drink raw milk and eat grassfed beef, but we also eat out sometimes (like last night- and we even had some ice cream after our hamburger in town… *gasp*!), and it’s so freeing to just let it go and enjoy it.
I’ll be tucking your gem of a post away for future reference. Thanks girl!
Beth
Wow, thanks SO much, Jill!! It really is an amazingly free feeling. Balance is where it’s at, I tell ya. 🙂
Marissa
Yup.
Beth
🙂
Barry
Thank you for writing this. As the husband of a foodie and member of a whole-foods family, FOOD IS NOT GOD. We have to remind ourselves of that regularly. Thanks for helping. *insert snobbish fake rant here* …And reading your bio, I can’t believe you would drink COFFEE – caffeine will kill you, don’t you know? And you better know where those beans came from. Did you visit Africa to trade those beans fairly with the farmers there? If not, shame on you for taking advantage of all the innocent children. ;0) *end snobbish fake rant*
I’ll think of you next time I have a McDonald’s hot fudge sundae with nuts. To steal from McDonald’s ad campaign…I’m Lovin’ it.
Will
Totally agree!!
Beth
Yes, it can so easily become an idol, eh?
And yes, the coffee. Eek! Well I guess I’m gonna be in real-foodie hell because there is NO WAY I’m giving that up. Ever. Nope. 🙂
Really great snobbish rant impression, though. Spot on. 🙂
Erin@The Humbled Homemaker
Best post I’ve read in a long time! I couldn’t wait to read this & I’ll be sharing it all over! Good job, my friend! I agree wholeheartedly!
Beth
Thank-you Erin. You know I love ya. Thanks for sharing, you are the best 🙂 xo.
Stacy @Stacy Makes Cents
Beth, girl. I knew we were friends for a reason. 🙂 I agree 100%. Thanks for writing this – I wrote something similar so it’s nice to find like-minded people.
Rock on.
Beth
Yay for awesome people being friends and blessing the world with their joint awesomeness!! #yayus 🙂
Beth
PS got a link to your post?
Beth Grice
I love this, Beth!
Beth
Thanks! 🙂
Danielle @ More Than Four Walls
You hit the nail on the head Beth! Besides allergies, there must be balance! We cannot make idols out of ideals.
I know you put your heart into this. Bravo for calling all of out to examine how we are viewing food in relation to the rest of our lives!!
Blessings!!
Beth
Thanks for reading and agreeing, I appreciate it!! xo!