Center Image by Nico Paix via Flickr CC
Dear World:
We need to talk.
You’ve gotten into a really bad habit of equating a person’s worth or character with the depth of their healthy eating habits. Unfortunately, food manufacturers have gotten wind of this and now design their packaging completely based on shame and guilt. In our culture you are “good” if you eat a salad and “bad” if you eat a cupcake. I’m going to go ahead and call that what it is: total bull crap.
I believe that food is not neutral. It either makes you more healthy or less healthy. It’s one or the other. I believe that wholeheartedly.
I believe that the vast majority of North Americans grossly underestimate the impact of the frankenfood diet in which they partake. Yes, I know this first hand. Denial is a river in Egypt, baby, and some days I’m floating down the darn thing in a lazy river raft, tucking into a hot fudge sundae from McDonald’s.
And yet. AND YET… I do not believe that food is a moral issue. Not in this sense of the word, anyway. Right now as you read this, there are people dying of starvation in the world, yes there are. And there’s the fight for the legalization of raw milk and food freedom. There are slavery issues and fair wages for farmers and workers getting sick from their hazardous job of spraying mass amounts of poison on our growing produce.
Those are moral issues, my friends. But eating a hot fudge sundae from McDonald’s?
Will. Not. Send. Me. To. Hell.
It will not send you to hell, and it will not make you a bad person. Not EVEN if you are a bona fide member of the Real Foodie Community, as indicated by a number of dead giveaways, such as (but not limited to) having multiple strains of bacteria fermenting and culturing and growing on your counters ON PURPOSE, having ever ranted about rancid vegetable oils, the dangers of soy, or the virtues of butter and grass-fed beef, having ever made your own ketchup, mayonnaise, toothpaste, or cheese, etcetera, etcetera.
Not even then.
Image by Stephen Nakatani via Flickr CC
Will it give me a belly ache? Probably. And even if it doesn’t give me that, it will absolutely have some kind of negative ramification, health-wise. Small or large – we all know that hot fudge sundaes (unless they’re homemade with wholesome and real ingredients) are not good for you. Sugar is terrible for you, the additives and stabilizers and artificial colourings they add are not exactly nourishing, and things like fast food sundaes, burgers, fries, etcetera, are all designed to artificially put your taste buds on hyperdrive so that your brain becomes addicted and desires more of a “hit” again and again. Plus, the rise of sugar and processed and fast food junk has been directly linked to the diabetes and heart disease pandemics in our society.
So there’s that.
Here’s the thing: most people know this as a Universal Truth in our world. As much as I wish we lived in a parallel universe in which hot fudge sundaes were good for you, we sadly do not. So we choose to indulge once in a while, and we enjoy that indulgence to every last drop, licking out the container and the spoon until all we taste is BPA-laden plastic. Yum.
Maybe you choose to indulge in total junk once in a while. Like McDonald’s. Or maybe your version of indulgence is actually something far more tame, but equally as exciting in your world, like homemade ice cream made with sugar that you don’t otherwise consume.
Maybe you do, and maybe you don’t.
Either way, it does not define you as a person. It does not define your character, or your worth. There is – may I say it? – more to life than healthy eating. There is, in fact, more to life than being militant about every morsel that passes your lips.
Food is NOT the only source of health and wellness in our lives. Stress and mental wellness plays a huge role in our physical health, and guess what can cause a whole ton and a half of stress in your life?
FOOD, that’s what! As the kids are saying these days: Oh snap.
Allergies, food sensitivities, food-related health conditions – those are all reasons to be miltant about food. Others of us? Might be able to chill the heck out just a little, lest we find ourselves shunning anything within a ten-mile radius of every hint of preservatives, stabilizers, pesticides, hormones and growth hormones, food dyes, nightshades, salicylates, oxylates, phytic acid, fructose and glucose, grains, soy and sugar, heavy metals, mercury, and candida, conventional dairy, gluten, (and the list goes on) and subsisting solely on homegrown kale and flaxseeds. Blech!
Breaking news! Food is about more than just physical health!
Image by L.C.Nøttaasen via Flickr CC
Food and community have been intertwined themes since the beginning. Jesus ate in community throughout scripture. Love and miracles and all manner of teaching was done over food, in the midst of eating, savouring, and enjoying good bread and wine and meat and fish and fruit. It is the defining basis of societal interaction and it has been the ultimate universal human experience since the beginning of creation.
The thing about elevating the importance of food above community is that you start missing out. You can miss out on community and social interaction; you miss out on real relationship – or worse – you can harm relationships. No one wants to be the host that works tirelessly on a meal for guests only to have said guests awkwardly turn up their noses at your offering because it’s not up to their personal standards for nutrition. No one wants to be with the friend who’s constantly harping on the disgustingness of that pesticide-laden strawberry that you are eating or the inevitable diabetes and heart disease from your choice to drink a soda (or the cancer from the aspartame in the diet stuff – take your pick).
I’ve been surfing along in this real food, healthy living world for five years now, and one of the biggest takeaways to all of the reading I’ve done is inevitably a ridiculous, staggering amount of guilt. I should feel guilty for eating that McDonald’s sundae, even if it doesn’t make me feel sick, because have you SEEN those ingredients? Blech! (<– not denying it).
Friends, can I just say something? I have enough guilt in my life. Yep, I’m actually good. Not currently looking for any more.
I already struggle with feeling guilty about how caught up on housework I am, how much time I spend watching TV with hubs on the couch after the kids are in bed, how much more “with it” the other moms all seem to be, even though it’s probably actually a made-up conglomeration of eight of my friends into one fictional person that actually has her fictional shizz all together.
I DO NOT NEED ANY MORE GUILT, and the next time my brain tries to sneak some in when I’ve *gasp* had rice with my dinner while I’m trying to cut back on grains, or had creme brulee on my wedding anniversary dinner date, or heck, choked down a slice of take-out pizza when life got overwhelming and I just couldn’t make dinner happen without losing my Ever Loving Mind, when I’m at a church potluck (Oh mercy, I do love me a church potluck!) and I fill my plate with potato salad and hamburger casserole, non-organic carrot sticks, coleslaw, baked beans and lentils and meatballs all carefully made with canned soup and store-bought salad dressings and CAFO meat in a little old lady’s kitchen with more love and care than you can possible even imagine…
Yes, oh yes, the next time my brain starts up that red alert of GUILT and SHAME in those instances, let me tell you what I’m gonna do:
I’m gonna own it. I’m gonna own my nutritional decisions and I’m gonna learn from them. I’m gonna pick one new strategy for nourishing my family better, and I’m gonna set it in place. Meal planning, trying a new recipe for a homemade staple item, setting aside a day for making some freezer meals (for those days), crockpotting. Whatever, dude. I’m gonna try to choose the least-processed looking thing at the potluck. Maybe a small bit of casserole with a heaping portion of green salad and a store-bought meatball or two for indulgence-sake. I might even have dessert. Then I’m gonna let it go.
Just gonna let it go, baby. I’ve often heard it said that stress can takes years off your life. Just let it go.
Image by Katherine Lim via Flickr CC
I can go home and be extra careful for a day or two to balance things out. We can have homemade sauerkraut for some gut-loving probiotics, homemade bone broth soup with organic, grass-fed beef, and heaps of fresh veggies on the side. I can make bacon and eggs, homemade yogurt, and homemade mayonnaise with free-range chickens from a local farmer.
I can live by the 80-20 rule where I attempt excellence in 80% of our diet so that I can relax and not stress about the remaining 20% of wiggle room for times when I choose to eat ice cream. Or s’mores once a year while camping. Or Little Old Church Lady’s potluck casserole.
This may be new to some of you, but we CAN acknowledge that certain things are healthier than others without attaching shame and guilt to them. It’s true, honest.
I OWN my choices and I make those choices based on the best knowledge I have of what I need to be a healthy, functioning, wife and mama to my precious family, and if that includes tipping the scales a little with bacon and eggs for dinner (gasp! no vegetables?! …or *gasp* take-out!?) in favour of reducing some of my stress so that I stop grumping at my kids and husband so much, so that I can catch up on laundry, or so that I can just sit and mentally regroup with a cup of tea instead of cooking for two hours this afternoon, then SO BE IT.
Instead of allowing my poor choices to drown me in guilt I will allow them to spur me on to action. It’s a fine balance, really. I want to give myself grace, but not use that grace as an excuse to spiral down into total junk that is going to make us all feel sick.
It’s right to be concerned about the food you eat. It’s right to be concerned about health and how your diet nourishes (or doesn’t) the bodies of your beautiful family. It is certainly wise to think about such things, to learn and grow and challenge your mind with new information, to break out of unhealthy ruts and burst into new healthy habits. It is admirable to try new things and to make serious effort to nourish your family through a real, whole foods diet, however stringently you choose to do so.
YES! Let’s do it! But, friends, let’s not elevate food to a level at which it does not belong. Healthy eating does not make you a better person, just as junk doesn’t make you a bad one.
Food is not a moral issue – let’s not allow it to act as one.
Hannah
I love, love, LOVE this! I’ll admit, I struggled with being that “Real Food Ogre”. And I’m not perfect in that area. Something I realized yesterday, is that I used to find my identity in “eating healthy”, rather than in Christ.
The personal philosophy I’ve adopted is exactly what you said: I get good nutrition in at home, so that I am not an extra stress on others when out (and I can still make the best choice of THAT situation).
Thank you so much for this, Beth!
Nancy
Yes. This. You have written out what’s been in my heart for years. Thank you, thank you, thank you. You have sisters behind you yelling “AMEN!”
Beth
Yes!! So glad that you *get it* and hear me in this issue. I get fired up about it! Thanks for commenting! xo
Lisa
Yep! Agreed! We call these things passionate preferences. Things you passionately prefer but don’t get to shove on people like it is a moral issue. Same goes for formula v. Breastmilk, public v. Homeschool, sahm v. Working mom…etc. The list goes on and on! People, get it right….food is for our belly not our hearts!! Feed your family, do your best but don’t cause anything else to collapse by trying to keep up. We are in a sick dying world…nothing will be perfect until Christ comes back.
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Alena@TheHomemadeCreative
Thank you for providing some much needed perspective! We are slowly moving our diet in a healthier direction, and it takes a lot of time, energy, and dedication. Some days are great, and others, well, on other days we’re lucky to eat at all. Balance is important, and being gracious (and keeping our mouths closed – or if that’s not possible, stuffing a big ol’ wad of homemade mozzarella in there, lol – if we can’t say something uplifting) is extremely important, especially for anyone who professes to follow Jesus.
Beth
Thanks for your reply, Alena. It sure does take a whole lotta work, doesn’t it? But it is worth it in the long haul. That’s the point though – it’s a long haul… and balance for the rest of life is important too 🙂 Keep chugging along! 🙂
Sarah E. A. F.
Thank you thank you thank you.
🙂
Converting to a real food diet when I wasn’t exactly raised that way (sort of… but not all the time and there has been a lot more information now than there was then….) is difficult. Very difficult. Converting to eating real food takes a lot of forethought and planning and I’ve been doing baby steps. Cutting out HFCS. Home-made broths. Less grains/carbs. Whole grain. Homemade snacks. Etc.
The thing is, even doing baby steps comes with massive amounts of guilt. Oh snap. There’s a new survey?! Now even *kale* is bad?! GAH. It gets overwhelming. So it’s nice to hear this balanced approach. I’ve been trying to tell myself this over and over again, but it’s nice to hear it from someone else.
Relax. It’s okay. Do the best I can with what I have and don’t sweat the small stuff.
Jessie
WOW! I mean it really WOW! It so very refreshing to hear this from someone else. And not only from you Beth but to all the women who echo your sentiments. I say a huge THANK YOU! I struggle with my guilt daily. I am a 3 year vegan(ish). Now questioning why I went so extreme just to change my diet. I thought it was for health. I think it still is. But god forbid if I have an egg because that dark cloud of guilt comes rolling in and dumps a hail storm on my day! Food had become my greatest love, my drug, my affair, my abuser and my religion. I was so wrapped up in it that it was hard to see that I had become my own worst enemy. I am on the other side now. Slowly allowing myself to be ok with that egg or that piece of fish. Not feeling guilty because I made a conscious decision to eat it. Like your McD sundae. It is ok. I allow it to be ok. So again thank you. I needed to read this today.
Terri
Thankyou so much for this, i am almost 20 weeks pregnant with baby#4. My others kids are 5 and under and everyday i cook/prepare 3 meals made from scratch but sometimes, SOMETIMES…… my kids have made me thoroughly want to lose my shit and the only way to stop this happening is to not have to keep going on through the dinner,clean up, wash up shift 🙂 On these days my husband is greeted with ‘IM NOT COOKING TONIGHT’ pizza it is. haha This only happens once a fortnight usually but i feel like a terrible parent!!!!! I feel guilty when im sat there after a long day eating chocolate because its going to affect the baby or the fact that i cant get through the day without a cup of tea, again, sorry unborn baby of mine 🙁 And thats not even getting into the organic/natural/etc..etc…etc…etc.. choices. And the guilt of everything else on a daily basis.
But isnt it funny that i felt i needed permission from someone on the internet to be kind to myself when i should know this already?? Maybe i should spend less time worrying and more time focusing inward 🙂 Thanks again x
Amanda | Wildly Simple
Beth, This is an AMAZING piece of thought & work you’ve put together, and I LOVE YOU FOR IT!!
I’ve found that there is not only an overload of guilt put on the issue of food, but also a tremendous amount of SNOBBERY. Like going vegan has totally made some people I know become suddenly better than anyone else who walks the planet (and eats.) Truth is – there is so much hypocrisy to these case in point cases I know!
My family prefers to eat wild game over farm fed / penned animals. But that’s just our thing. My husband loves meat. I do not. Who cares. I love chocolate. Growing my own fruits & vegetables. And gummy worms.
Thank you. I feel that I’ve visited your blog before, and I’m going to follow along & add it to my reading list so that I can be sure to be back. (stop by & visit me, too, if you feel up to it!)
Once again, I applaud you for speaking out on this (non) issue!
Darcey
After being vegetarian for 20 years, I’ve made the leap to veganism. I’ve watched countess documentaries, YouTube lectures, and Ted Talks. I’ve listened to podcasts, downloaded apps, and visited every vegan website. I am on a first name basis with the doctors, speakers, raw-vega-non-GMO-anti-Monsanto speakers (although they have no clue who I am!).
And I’m stressed.
I have huge guilt issues that my sheets might be made from GMO cotton, that my new-ish throw pillows are stuffed with down. I’ve even resorted to guilting my children and fighting with my husband about going vegan – despite the fact that all their cousins get to eat the (sugar laden, bone-char filtered, GMO fed, CAFO milked) revello at the family picnic!!!M
I was really upset with the first part of your post (who’s going to stand up for the animals, against corporate America????) don’t we have to do that with our shopping dollars. but as I read further, I felt a release.
I’m usually an all or nothing kind of gal, but the 80/20 rule, might just be the answer that keeps my family intact, my kids from hiding behind the furniture while they consume something taboo, and me from being committed to the loony bin.
Thank you.
I will relax.
Ashley
Can I say Hallelujah!??!! lol 🙂
Let’s remember all this when we’re together ok? We’re on the same page as you and no guilt over here for the indulgences from time to time!
xo
Meghan
THANK YOU! I often wonder where to draw the line when making food choices, and you have made the line very clear. People first things second. Food is a thing. It goes second. Of course nourishing my body is important, but my food choices do not make me better than anyone else. And it is not right to feel guilty for choosing community over food when the food options are less than ideal.
THANK YOU for speaking to this. It is truly a huge issue among the “real-food” movement. As if the people who eat real food are more real, making those who do not less so… Eek!
Rach (DonutsMama)
Thank you SO much for this. I read a blog post where the author implied that eating packaged & processed foods was almost sinful b/c it means you’re lazy. I worked myself up into a frenzy to eat whole, homemade foods and I drove my family nuts. I was upset with my toddler for wanting to play instead of letting me cook, mad at my husband b/c he wasn’t doing enough to help so I could cook. Mad at myself for not cooking more. Do you see a theme here? I was always in the kitchen!! And mad and not enjoying my family. Now I’m pregnant and due soon and I can barely stand up to cut an apple, much less prepare a meal. So we have to rely on packaged foods or the help of friends. And I’ve let the guilt go and I’m putting my feet up and enjoying my family.
Grace
Great thoughts here! I totally agree, especially about the 80/20 rule, haha. I eat well most of the time, but I’m not going to deprive myself of anything or feel bad for eating anything either. One thing I thought of though when I read the post title is that we’ve got to strive to be conscious of where our food comes from. For clarification, an example that came to my mind was being aware of and avoiding child labour and slave labour that’s used to make most chocolate. Just another thought. 🙂
Kimisha L. Pierce
LOVED your article Beth, you REALLY put healthy eating into perspective! Thanks 🙂 Will pass it on.
Beth
Thanks Kimisha! A little bit of perspective can do wonders sometimes, eh? I need to step back regularly and see the bigger picture to keep things in balance 🙂 Thanks for reading & sharing! xo.
Shauna
funny qu and slightly (or completely) off topic— I am a eggs benny fanatic — does that great pic come with a recipe anywhere…thanks so much
Beth
I too LOVE eggs benny! It’s one of the few things I’ve not yet dared to make myself because I am afraid to mess it up, haha! The photo does look scrumptious, but sadly it was just a creative commons photo from flickr. No recipe 🙁