Uninhibited Breastfeeding in Public {Reclaiming my Womanhood From Perversity}

{Welcome to my soapbox! Grab a cup of tea and get comfy. This is a long one!}

I have a grand total of 29 months of nursing under my belt now. I nursed Isaac until he was a year, and at nearly 17 months, I’m still nursing Aliza. I’m also pregnant with our third, and anticipating a long and mutually satisfying nursing relationship with the new little one.

I have nursed in pretty well any public place I’ve ever been. I’ve nursed in the thrift store, sitting in an old armchair. I’ve nursed at the mall (and not in the breastfeeding room! how scandalous!). I’ve nursed in a park, at friend’s houses, at restaurants, at the doctor’s office, and at the zoo. If my baby was hungry, I found a place to sit down, and I nursed. I’ve never owned or used a nursing cover, and other than a few times in those brand-new first-time mama days (back when I still sort of believed that it was a shameful thing) I’ve never covered my babies’ heads with blankets. I simply wore tops that enabled me to not flash my postpartum belly flab all around (usually I layered a tank underneath), shifted my clothing as needed to allow my baby access to her lunch, and then sat back to enjoy bonding with my babe.

I recently read an article that was anti nursing-covers. It was a thought-provoking piece that discussed the inherent problems in our culture with expecting women to cover up while nursing. I tend to agree with most of it. The point was not to shame women who wear nursing covers, but to point out the problem with our society that causes women to feel they even need to cover in the first place.

The real issue at hand for me is the expectation that women should cover their breasts at all times, and that it is inappropriate to ever show even the tiniest bit of breast, even if they are simply being used to nourish a baby.

Allow me to explain why…

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Here are some of the arguments I’ve heard, and my own response to them:

1) Just because breastfeeding is natural doesn’t mean that it should be on display. Sex/urination/defecation are also “natural” and yet we don’t engage in them in public.

MY RESPONSE: Comparing breastfeeding to sex (or urination, etc) is simply not a good analogy. They are entirely different categories. Breastfeeding is the act of feeding a child, not creating one, and it is certainly not similar to urinating or having a bowel movement! Breastfeeding is simply a baby eating a meal. It is not smelly, germy, or dirty. We don’t expect to be served our steak dinner in a public bathroom when we are out to dine. Why should baby? We can stuff an older babe’s face with sweet potatoes while in a high chair, and no one gets offended, so obviously the issue is the fact that it is a breast that is being used, not that the baby is eating. I will address this “offensiveness of breasts” below.

I’d also like to point out that I’ve never whipped my top off like a stripper, flung it across the room, and took on a seductive posture while nursing my babies. I’ve never heard of any other woman doing that either. Sex and breastfeeding are simply two completely different bodily functions which happen to both involve breasts in very different ways. Sex doesn’t involve drinking milk, and breastfeeding does not include reproduction. The differences are so obvious I fear I am overstating my case, but then again I find this “argument” pretty ridiculous to begin with.

2) If a man sees a tiny sliver of breast, then he will be flung into sin and temptation for sexual lust and perverse thoughts. We are responsible for guarding this from happening whenever possible!

MY RESPONSE: My husband says that he has never seen a woman breastfeeding and become sexually aroused or experienced lustful thoughts. He also doesn’t know of any other guys for which this is an issue. That doesn’t mean that it never happens, but I think it’s worth mentioning that perhaps this is far, far from being the norm. Furthermore, perhaps the normalization of breastfeeding in our culture could cause men to have a healthier view of a woman’s body as having dual purposes for both reproduction/breastfeeding, and sexuality. Perhaps perverse ways of thinking about a woman’s breasts can be blamed at least in part on the fact that breastfeeding in public is surrounded by shame and controversy, and the fact that our culture is way over saturated by the sexualization of the woman’s body, especially breasts. (By “perverse ways” I mean the idea that breasts are solely sexual objects that exist for a man’s sexual pleasure, and the idea that a man cannot see them as anything else. Like a way to nourish babies.)

And again, furthermore, perhaps we should recognize that a man’s sexual sin is his own responsibility, and that men are faced every day in our culture with inappropriate sexual imagery, whether it’s an ad on the side of a bus, a 60 foot ad on the wall in a shopping mall, or Kim Kardashian’s cleavage on a magazine cover in the grocery store. My husband is not a cave man, nor an animal. He has the ability to channel his sexual passions where they belong – within our marriage. If he sees something designed to sexually stimulate or arouse outside of the proper context of marriage (ie. other than his wife), he has trained his mind to “move along!”

One more point on this one: I think it’s pertinent to point out that men have imaginations (and plenty of real pictorial representation to draw on thanks to our culture). If they see a woman nursing under a giant piece of fabric, they more than likely know exactly what you are doing, as does everyone within a half-mile radius. There’s no hiding those things. Your breasts may not be showing, but a man is still perfectly capable of lusting in his heart simply by thinking about the breasts that are so obviously uncovered under that piece of fabric. Same thing goes for a woman who picks up her crying baby and leaves the room to nurse privately. Most men will probably figure out what you are doing, and again, are perfectly capable of lusting and thinking perverse thoughts should they so choose. If in fact it is the woman’s responsibility to guard the man from lusting, then perhaps we should consider not leaving the house for the duration of the nursing relationship? It would be 16.5 months and counting for me, though I daresay I’d be getting cabin fever by now.

3) Breasts are inherently sexual, and as such are inherently private.

MY RESPONSE: Actually they are inherently dual-purposed. Breasts were designed to give sexual pleasure within a marriage covenant, and they were designed to nourish and comfort a baby. One purpose is not greater than the other.

I would argue that by rightly criticizing the hyper-sexualization of our culture we have thrown the proverbial baby out with the bath water, and forgotten that breasts were actually designed for something other than luring a man into a store to open his wallet.

I love how a new (to me) blogger called MamaPsalmist puts it: “If/when men only see breasts in a sexualized way, the sexuality is reinforced with each exposure. When you start to temper that extreme view, you desensitize him to his incorrect notion that breasts are only for him.” It makes sense! No wonder a perverse/incomplete view of a woman’s body is so common – “uncovered” breastfeeding in public is practically a taboo in our culture. Men (not to mention young men/teenagers for whom this is even more critical!) are not given the opportunity to take on a healthy view of women’s bodies. They are set up for failure from the start, and we are victims of our own making.

The fact that breasts are seen only as a source for a man’s sexual fulfilment is simply a reflection of our culture’s perverse view of the woman’s body. I for one choose to not perpetuate the perversity by agreeing that breastfeeding is shameful or in any way needing to be hidden or covered. I totally get that some women are uncomfortable with nursing in public, and that covering up helps them to nurse more comfortably when they otherwise may not even nurse at all. I understand that, and I am glad that they have decided to breastfeed despite feeling unsure/uncomfortable. But until more and more of us are willing to stand against this perverse understanding of breastfeeding and the woman’s body, each generation of new mamas will continue to feel unsure and uncomfortable by doing one of the most natural things by breastfeeding her baby. I believe that this is an injustice and a tragedy.

If scores of men began admitting that they find a woman’s lips extremely seductive (this is actually completely realistic!), would we as women feel it is now our duty to cover our faces? Lips are another good example of a body part that has dual-functions of eating and sexuality. We use our lips to eat, and we use them for kissing. Perhaps we should all just wear burqas? Where would we draw the line? I think this question is begging an answer, and I’d love to hear any possible counter-argument. The only way to avoid that conclusion would be to admit that it is not a woman’s responsibility to ensure that men are not tempted. Of course I’m not saying that we can or should dress like whores, but to be honest I believe that the main issue with dressing like a whore would be disrespecting the body that God gave me, not leading a man into sin.

4) The Bible itself views breasts as sexual objects – haven’t you read Song of Solomon?!

MY RESPONSE: Ah yes, this is what led me to click over to MamaPsalmist’s site in the first place. What a fascinating study she has done! She has discovered that the Bible does in fact reference breasts a fair bit. There are seven references to breasts in a sexual manner: four in Song of Solomon, two in Ezekiel, and one in Proverbs. Then she writes, “How many times does the bible reference breasts in the context of breastfeeding? 14. Plus 10 other references to nursing and drinking mother’s milk. Twenty-four times the bible references breastfeeding without shame. Without hesitation. Without hiding it under a blanket or in another room.”

In case you missed it – the biblical references to breasts as sexual objects are less than half of all biblical references to breasts/breastfeeding/mother’s milk.

5) There are a lot of creepos out there. Do you really want some random dude in the mall seeing your breasts and getting off on it?

MY RESPONSE: Well, uh, I’d have to say no, I don’t believe I would want that (duh!). But there are also pedophiles walking around, who may see my children sitting with me and think nasty perverse things about them. I can’t really prevent that, and to be honest, I’m glad I don’t know about it. What is the answer? To pretend I don’t have children? Maybe stuff them in a suitcase? Under a burqa? Never let them leave the house again? Hmmm. Clearly that argument is not really helpful. I will not put a “what if” before my baby’s need to be fed. The thought of doing so is clearly ridiculous, and would likely lead to hiding away in my basement for the rest of my life.

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Obviously I feel strongly about this issue. I’ve been thinking about it for several years, and I’ve read and discussed many times on it. But why?

Because I dream of a culture where women can feel completely free to nourish their babies in the most natural and beautiful way, uninhibited by perverse and demeaning views of their bodies.

I refuse to buy into the lie that I should be ashamed of my body, or of using it to feed my baby her lunch.

I refuse to hide, to cover, or to be embarrassed if I accidentally flash a small bit of skin while my wiggly baby is latching on.

I refuse to be guilted into thinking that seeing me using my breasts to feed my baby are the cause of a man’s sin.

Because one day, perhaps if enough women refuse to perpetuate the lies any longer, we will take our womanhood back from the sexualized perversity that has claimed it, and be free to enjoy our God-given purpose and identity once again.

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UPDATED TO ADD: This post has turned into a four-part series, with this being Part One. The entire series is as follows:

Uninhibited Breastfeeding in Public: Reclaiming My Womanhood From Perversity
Uninhibited Breastfeeding in Public: Is It Obscene and Inappropriate?
Uninhibited Breastfeeding in Public: Not Worth the Controversy?
Uninhibited Breastfeeding in Public: What If It Makes Others Uncomfortable?

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Linked up with Megan @ SortaCrunchy for My Green Resource this week!