{Welcome to my soapbox! Grab a cup of tea and get comfy. This is a long one!}
I have a grand total of 29 months of nursing under my belt now. I nursed Isaac until he was a year, and at nearly 17 months, I’m still nursing Aliza. I’m also pregnant with our third, and anticipating a long and mutually satisfying nursing relationship with the new little one.
I have nursed in pretty well any public place I’ve ever been. I’ve nursed in the thrift store, sitting in an old armchair. I’ve nursed at the mall (and not in the breastfeeding room! how scandalous!). I’ve nursed in a park, at friend’s houses, at restaurants, at the doctor’s office, and at the zoo. If my baby was hungry, I found a place to sit down, and I nursed. I’ve never owned or used a nursing cover, and other than a few times in those brand-new first-time mama days (back when I still sort of believed that it was a shameful thing) I’ve never covered my babies’ heads with blankets. I simply wore tops that enabled me to not flash my postpartum belly flab all around (usually I layered a tank underneath), shifted my clothing as needed to allow my baby access to her lunch, and then sat back to enjoy bonding with my babe.
I recently read an article that was anti nursing-covers. It was a thought-provoking piece that discussed the inherent problems in our culture with expecting women to cover up while nursing. I tend to agree with most of it. The point was not to shame women who wear nursing covers, but to point out the problem with our society that causes women to feel they even need to cover in the first place.
The real issue at hand for me is the expectation that women should cover their breasts at all times, and that it is inappropriate to ever show even the tiniest bit of breast, even if they are simply being used to nourish a baby.
Allow me to explain why…
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Here are some of the arguments I’ve heard, and my own response to them:
1) Just because breastfeeding is natural doesn’t mean that it should be on display. Sex/urination/defecation are also “natural” and yet we don’t engage in them in public.
MY RESPONSE: Comparing breastfeeding to sex (or urination, etc) is simply not a good analogy. They are entirely different categories. Breastfeeding is the act of feeding a child, not creating one, and it is certainly not similar to urinating or having a bowel movement! Breastfeeding is simply a baby eating a meal. It is not smelly, germy, or dirty. We don’t expect to be served our steak dinner in a public bathroom when we are out to dine. Why should baby? We can stuff an older babe’s face with sweet potatoes while in a high chair, and no one gets offended, so obviously the issue is the fact that it is a breast that is being used, not that the baby is eating. I will address this “offensiveness of breasts” below.
I’d also like to point out that I’ve never whipped my top off like a stripper, flung it across the room, and took on a seductive posture while nursing my babies. I’ve never heard of any other woman doing that either. Sex and breastfeeding are simply two completely different bodily functions which happen to both involve breasts in very different ways. Sex doesn’t involve drinking milk, and breastfeeding does not include reproduction. The differences are so obvious I fear I am overstating my case, but then again I find this “argument” pretty ridiculous to begin with.
2) If a man sees a tiny sliver of breast, then he will be flung into sin and temptation for sexual lust and perverse thoughts. We are responsible for guarding this from happening whenever possible!
MY RESPONSE: My husband says that he has never seen a woman breastfeeding and become sexually aroused or experienced lustful thoughts. He also doesn’t know of any other guys for which this is an issue. That doesn’t mean that it never happens, but I think it’s worth mentioning that perhaps this is far, far from being the norm. Furthermore, perhaps the normalization of breastfeeding in our culture could cause men to have a healthier view of a woman’s body as having dual purposes for both reproduction/breastfeeding, and sexuality. Perhaps perverse ways of thinking about a woman’s breasts can be blamed at least in part on the fact that breastfeeding in public is surrounded by shame and controversy, and the fact that our culture is way over saturated by the sexualization of the woman’s body, especially breasts. (By “perverse ways” I mean the idea that breasts are solely sexual objects that exist for a man’s sexual pleasure, and the idea that a man cannot see them as anything else. Like a way to nourish babies.)
And again, furthermore, perhaps we should recognize that a man’s sexual sin is his own responsibility, and that men are faced every day in our culture with inappropriate sexual imagery, whether it’s an ad on the side of a bus, a 60 foot ad on the wall in a shopping mall, or Kim Kardashian’s cleavage on a magazine cover in the grocery store. My husband is not a cave man, nor an animal. He has the ability to channel his sexual passions where they belong – within our marriage. If he sees something designed to sexually stimulate or arouse outside of the proper context of marriage (ie. other than his wife), he has trained his mind to “move along!”
One more point on this one: I think it’s pertinent to point out that men have imaginations (and plenty of real pictorial representation to draw on thanks to our culture). If they see a woman nursing under a giant piece of fabric, they more than likely know exactly what you are doing, as does everyone within a half-mile radius. There’s no hiding those things. Your breasts may not be showing, but a man is still perfectly capable of lusting in his heart simply by thinking about the breasts that are so obviously uncovered under that piece of fabric. Same thing goes for a woman who picks up her crying baby and leaves the room to nurse privately. Most men will probably figure out what you are doing, and again, are perfectly capable of lusting and thinking perverse thoughts should they so choose. If in fact it is the woman’s responsibility to guard the man from lusting, then perhaps we should consider not leaving the house for the duration of the nursing relationship? It would be 16.5 months and counting for me, though I daresay I’d be getting cabin fever by now.
3) Breasts are inherently sexual, and as such are inherently private.
MY RESPONSE: Actually they are inherently dual-purposed. Breasts were designed to give sexual pleasure within a marriage covenant, and they were designed to nourish and comfort a baby. One purpose is not greater than the other.
I would argue that by rightly criticizing the hyper-sexualization of our culture we have thrown the proverbial baby out with the bath water, and forgotten that breasts were actually designed for something other than luring a man into a store to open his wallet.
I love how a new (to me) blogger called MamaPsalmist puts it: “If/when men only see breasts in a sexualized way, the sexuality is reinforced with each exposure. When you start to temper that extreme view, you desensitize him to his incorrect notion that breasts are only for him.” It makes sense! No wonder a perverse/incomplete view of a woman’s body is so common – “uncovered” breastfeeding in public is practically a taboo in our culture. Men (not to mention young men/teenagers for whom this is even more critical!) are not given the opportunity to take on a healthy view of women’s bodies. They are set up for failure from the start, and we are victims of our own making.
The fact that breasts are seen only as a source for a man’s sexual fulfilment is simply a reflection of our culture’s perverse view of the woman’s body. I for one choose to not perpetuate the perversity by agreeing that breastfeeding is shameful or in any way needing to be hidden or covered. I totally get that some women are uncomfortable with nursing in public, and that covering up helps them to nurse more comfortably when they otherwise may not even nurse at all. I understand that, and I am glad that they have decided to breastfeed despite feeling unsure/uncomfortable. But until more and more of us are willing to stand against this perverse understanding of breastfeeding and the woman’s body, each generation of new mamas will continue to feel unsure and uncomfortable by doing one of the most natural things by breastfeeding her baby. I believe that this is an injustice and a tragedy.
If scores of men began admitting that they find a woman’s lips extremely seductive (this is actually completely realistic!), would we as women feel it is now our duty to cover our faces? Lips are another good example of a body part that has dual-functions of eating and sexuality. We use our lips to eat, and we use them for kissing. Perhaps we should all just wear burqas? Where would we draw the line? I think this question is begging an answer, and I’d love to hear any possible counter-argument. The only way to avoid that conclusion would be to admit that it is not a woman’s responsibility to ensure that men are not tempted. Of course I’m not saying that we can or should dress like whores, but to be honest I believe that the main issue with dressing like a whore would be disrespecting the body that God gave me, not leading a man into sin.
4) The Bible itself views breasts as sexual objects – haven’t you read Song of Solomon?!
MY RESPONSE: Ah yes, this is what led me to click over to MamaPsalmist’s site in the first place. What a fascinating study she has done! She has discovered that the Bible does in fact reference breasts a fair bit. There are seven references to breasts in a sexual manner: four in Song of Solomon, two in Ezekiel, and one in Proverbs. Then she writes, “How many times does the bible reference breasts in the context of breastfeeding? 14. Plus 10 other references to nursing and drinking mother’s milk. Twenty-four times the bible references breastfeeding without shame. Without hesitation. Without hiding it under a blanket or in another room.”
In case you missed it – the biblical references to breasts as sexual objects are less than half of all biblical references to breasts/breastfeeding/mother’s milk.
5) There are a lot of creepos out there. Do you really want some random dude in the mall seeing your breasts and getting off on it?
MY RESPONSE: Well, uh, I’d have to say no, I don’t believe I would want that (duh!). But there are also pedophiles walking around, who may see my children sitting with me and think nasty perverse things about them. I can’t really prevent that, and to be honest, I’m glad I don’t know about it. What is the answer? To pretend I don’t have children? Maybe stuff them in a suitcase? Under a burqa? Never let them leave the house again? Hmmm. Clearly that argument is not really helpful. I will not put a “what if” before my baby’s need to be fed. The thought of doing so is clearly ridiculous, and would likely lead to hiding away in my basement for the rest of my life.
***
Obviously I feel strongly about this issue. I’ve been thinking about it for several years, and I’ve read and discussed many times on it. But why?
Because I dream of a culture where women can feel completely free to nourish their babies in the most natural and beautiful way, uninhibited by perverse and demeaning views of their bodies.
I refuse to buy into the lie that I should be ashamed of my body, or of using it to feed my baby her lunch.
I refuse to hide, to cover, or to be embarrassed if I accidentally flash a small bit of skin while my wiggly baby is latching on.
I refuse to be guilted into thinking that seeing me using my breasts to feed my baby are the cause of a man’s sin.
Because one day, perhaps if enough women refuse to perpetuate the lies any longer, we will take our womanhood back from the sexualized perversity that has claimed it, and be free to enjoy our God-given purpose and identity once again.
***
UPDATED TO ADD: This post has turned into a four-part series, with this being Part One. The entire series is as follows:
Uninhibited Breastfeeding in Public: Reclaiming My Womanhood From Perversity
Uninhibited Breastfeeding in Public: Is It Obscene and Inappropriate?
Uninhibited Breastfeeding in Public: Not Worth the Controversy?
Uninhibited Breastfeeding in Public: What If It Makes Others Uncomfortable?
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Linked up with Megan @ SortaCrunchy for My Green Resource this week!
April
100% agree with you! With a little more exposure to unashamed public breastfeeding, maybe our culture would become a little less sexually obsessed and women will gain a healthier body image as we realize that a our bodies are designed for many, many things besides sex. I am a first-time mom of a 3 month old and enjoying a beautiful breastfeeding relationship with my little boy. For the first few weeks, I did use a “hooter hider” style cover because latching was such a job and I felt like we’d be a spectacle otherwise, but now that we both know what we’re doing, I haven’t used the cover in a long time. With practice, you figure out what works for you. I’ll often wear a light poncho-style top over a nursing tank or tube top. I don’t have to worry about showing off my bulgy post-partum tummy, and I have the loose fabric of the top to lay on the upper part of my breast that baby doesn’t cover. If he pops off, it’s quick and easy to drop the fabric down, take care of the burp or let baby look around for a while, then slip him back on when he’s ready without making a show of it. A loose blouse would work just as well, but I like the poncho because it can temporarily act as a cover if baby is particularly distractible and needs help to focus. I can’t imagine forcing him to eat under cover all the time…especially in this hot summer weather! We’ve nursed just about everywhere–at the dinner table with guests, church sanctuary (I could count on one hand the number of services he HASN’T nursed during!), doctor’s office, restaurants, museum, auto repair shop, etc… So far, people have been kind and positive–if they even notice what we’re doing.
Gary
This is a beautiful shot with very good light 😉
Stephanie Finegan
I must say that I totally agree with you! I absolutely love bf. I do not like to cover up, it is hot. My baby sweats, alot. in two minutes her head is wet and she gets a heat rash, and i am using something very thin and light weight and even open above her head. She also tugs, pulls kicks and moves it is a wrestling match and yes my boob has popped out and church people have seen it. If the cover wasn’t there there would have been no issue. No exposure, just shirt and lips going to town.
It is imperative that our society gets desensitized to nursing in public. I am gonna put my big girl panties on and do what i feel is right. I want to link to this page for my website, can i?
Beth
Thanks for reading, Stephanie! Of course you may link to this – you generally don’t ever need to ask to link to a blogger – it’s a huge compliment to me! Thanks 🙂
Leslie
Lovely thoughts! I wholeheartedly agree 🙂
redandhoney
Thanks for reading! Glad you enjoyed 🙂
Kristia Family Balance Sheet}
I nursed both of my kids until they were 2.5. I’m not sure why the hostility towards breastfeeding rooms. It’s a choice, if you want to bf in public without a cloth, then you do it. I preferred to bf in private. I didn’t bf to make a statement to anyone, I did it to nourish my kids.
Clicked over from The Green Resource.
rachel@ even one sparrow
I totally agree with everything you’ve written here, but I have to be honest and say I don’t have enough courage to BF in public without a nursing cover. I rarely even do it with a nursing cover — I try to find a private room or completely plan my outing around baby’s normal feeding times. I want it to be normal in our culture, but I know I am part of the problem because I’m not courageous enough about it.
Katrina
So I actually had a longer response all typed out but the little girl who lives in my house saw fit to ensure that it never saw the light of day 🙂 & this tired mama simply does not have the energy to be that thoughtful again (at least not right now). Therefore you get the following…
I love your passion & that when something moves you it moves all of you into action. I may not be as passionate about this topic but I feel that what you (& others who have read/commented on this/these posts) are giving breastfeeding a strong & positive voice that it needs. And most importantly you are encouraging other mothers in a society that seeks to discourage the perfectly natural act of breastfeeding.
Lola
http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-5_0p23zEi-E/Tlzn3El8AsI/AAAAAAAAAIA/TRBhEqj5UFY/s640/299102_206014022788988_100001411748464_560393_893915_n.jpg
Beth
HAHAHA! That’s awesome! I love how that shows that it really is such a culturally created concept – what is “appropriate” to show.
PS – In case anyone’s wondering, I am writing another post to respond to the comments. Loving the discussion so far!
Naomi
Ina May, in her Guide to Breastfeeding, talks about how in Muslim culture bfd’ing is so important they don’t inhibit the women from doing so, as shown in the pic from the link
Serena
HA! Im not sure who Alicia is but I loved this it made me laugh!
“if breastfeeding offends you put a blanket over your head..”
at some point I will probably use that statement! lol
sadie
I covered up my first, because he never wanted to nurse unless it was completely quiet and dark, and I was a new mom and thought he might starve. The second is opposite in every way, and when I went to cover him he threw it off, so it was what it was. The only person to ever be offended by my nursing in front of them was my brother, and it of course pleased me to be able to make him so uncomfortable every three hours.
Beth
Hahaha! I read your last line to Chris and we both got a good laugh 🙂
elizabeth
The bible also talks about submitting to each other .if We know something We do causes someone to sin We ought not to do it.We have to consider others too .
Jen
Like, perhaps, the innocent children who have no other food source, way to communicate with anyone aside from crying, and a very frequent need for nourishment?
Perhaps we should, as a culture, forget our own squabbles and submit to God’s precious children that he clearly loves so dearly?
Alicia
I confess I am in the boat of the concept- if breastfeeding offends you put a blanket over your head..
Because I have never seen it as offensive. Friend circles we were in have had the freedom to breastfeed at anytime without cover around anyone, children crawling all over us & visiting together, husbands included.
Mind you it has been over 2 years since our daughter weaned.
Breastfeeding over the course of 10 years in the back pew of our church, or the front row, at the dinner table with guests, on sitting chairs, during wedding ceremonies, or receptions, in grocery aisles, sitting on the empty shelves of superstore, & sometimes walking my children to school. My favorite memory was while watching my family do cherry picking, I sat in the leaves while she was quite content to breastfeed in the sun. They just had to always be on the go, so when they were hungry I fed them. Sure men asked what I was doing and we would have a little laugh that the baby was actually feeding. One even tickled the feet of our baby while he was breastfeeding and he popped off just to laugh. I covered up for comfort and because of being self conscious of the extra tummy, but especially because my baby did not keep my entire midsection warm and I appreciated the blanket.
Thank you for this chance to sit back with a cuppa and read. You are an inspiring writer, Beth.
Serena
LOVED this post! This was exactly what I wanted to see =) With Ciara I never used a cover, and found that in church people were so judgemental about it that I began to use a small room downstairs to nurse. I still refused to use a cover. It wasnt because I occasionally did not feel uncomfortable, however, for me nursing was such a bonding time with my baby. God created a newborn baby to be able to see 8 – 12 inches….exactly far enough to see mommy’s face while nursing. I will never cover my childs face and miss that.
I have already decided that this time around, I am not going to leave church OR cover up to nurse. I realize people will be offended and have struggled greatly with that, however this is not something they should be offended about and will leave that between them and God. I firmly believe that God made my breasts not only as a sexual object but a tool to feed my baby without shame, and I believe that in doing so I will glorify him by using my body as it was created to be used. Without guilt or shame.
Something interesting I found as I have also been researching this, is that our culture’s lack of acceptance for breastfeeding in public is a barrier to mothers in choosing to breastfeed their children. In a study done by the WIC they found that 61% of mothers cited embarrassment over feeding in public as a significant deterrent from choosing to breastfeed, ranking second-highest on the list of barriers to breastfeeding. In response to this the American Academy of Pediatrics released a policy statement on breastfeeding urging pediatricians to “promote breastfeeding as a cultural norm and encourage family and societal support for breastfeeding.” Formula was originally created for the SMALL percentage of mothers who’s babies were either to small or had another barrier to latching, or mom’s who had a medical condition that restricted them from nursing their babies. Then Marketing took over and now it is promoted as a healthy alternative to breast milk….which is a crock.
If more women were shamless and comfortable with breastfeeding the next generation of children would be so much healthier. Statistically they have found in the US that women who feed their children formula miss more days of work than those who breastfeed in order to stay home and care for sick children.
We shouldnt be feeding our babies the second best.
We shouldnt feel shame, or be made to feel shame about our bodies being used to nurture our children.
I dont want to miss out on the precious bonding with my baby that takes place while nursing by covering him up instead of being able to watch his precious little face; and then when he opens his eyes miss out on being able to reassure him that mommy is right there.
Marissa
Not to play total devil’s advocate here, but I am pretty sure that my babies have always be pretty conscious that I am still present even while I am covering up to nurse in public (see earlier comments as to my reasons why I cover up). They are smelling me, feeling my skin with both the face and little hands, sensing my arms around them as I continue to caress and bond with them. I agree that babies need to be able to see our faces and I do want to make eye contact with them (although at the early stage when they needing our face inches away to see, I found that usually they were sleeping while nursing), but I am quite confident the times I covered to nurse in comparison to the many many times that I was uncovered while nursing didn’t affect the bonding of our relationship.
Lola
Great post Beth. I’ve evolved as a breastfeeding mom. With AK I was totally a tent feeder. With a blanket pitched so high I COULD have been making a baby under there 🙂 It didn’t take long for me to stop that (mostly because when I saw other women do it, I was preoccupied with what was going on in there and I thought that kinda ironic) and often I just used a blanket resting lightly on her in case she decided to unlatch. I’m fairly positive I have never exposed my breast or nipple to anyone while breastfeeding in public. With Alberta, I rarely had time to think about exactly how I was breastfeeding as I was trying to keep track of my toddler as well. I nursed Gretta, didn’t I ? 🙂 oh ya, for seventeen months. Did I cover up? I don’t recall a lot of blankets. I also don’t tend to nurse my toddlers right in the middle of things because they writhe and crawl and do gymnastics all over me. I usually just find a quiet place when I’m out and about.
BUT, I did often hide away at first BECAUSE… I am like a fire hydrant when I first have a baby. Once my milk lets down I can feed my baby and an entire sanctuary inadvertently. So I often go somewhere private so I can shove cloth diapers and towels down one side of my shirt, nurse the baby on one side, and hold a towel in my hand so I can keep from spraying the wall when she unlatches 🙂 It’s a gong show. That lasts a month usually and then I have myself under more control.
I think that if a woman feels more comfortable using a blanket or a hooter hider or whatever then she should go right ahead. I find them annoying and awkward. But my best friend is really modest and uncomfortable exposing any skin at all or having anyone see her breastfeed (I know, we’re complete opposites) so I can understand where other women are coming from.
I also have a funny story. I had a really sweet French friend in my church when I had Anna Kate and we had our baby shower together with all the church ladies. Her baby was brand new and as we were sat up in chairs in front of everyone to open gifts right as he started to cry to be fed. She just unbuttoned her whole blouse, while talking to everyone, and unlatched her bra and then grabbed him out of the car seat and worked on getting him latched on. She has very beautiful breasts 🙂 I thought all the women would pass out and die right there. There was definitely a cultural difference and I think she would have been embarrassed if she knew what other people thought. I think she probably eventually figured us out But I thought she was so awesome. She had no idea she was taking a stand. She thought she was just breastfeeding her baby.
Hateesha
I’m laughing historically right now at your story… so awesome! Fire hydrant…thats the best description… totally know what you mean. My poor babies.
naomi
hahahah!!! “hooter hider” LOVE that!
Marissa
I am totally with you on the quiet place…especially when pregnant with a nursing toddler, frankly I don’t need to spend a long time nursing when out and about…which is why I so appreciate nursing rooms in stores, churches etc, I like having a quiet place.
I will say too that I have completely and fully exposed all once before…I felt sorry for the poor guy.
Elizabeth
I always covered up because I didn’t want people seeing me,and I sure don’t want to see other lady’s boobs,even if they are for nursing.It’s still nakedness. There is a reason why it makes people uncomfortable. But I definitely do not think you need to go in a separate room by yourself. Breastfeeding is nothing to be ashamed of. Flashing your boobs is,even if you are nursing, you can prevent that! That is my opinion . Everyone is free to disagree with me tho.:)
Katherine
I agree with the points you make for sure. But it is true what Missy said, sometimes people cover up because there are reason’s like a distracted child. Personally it is hard for me not to cover up more because my mom grew up with hardly a mother in a house full of boys and then I only had brothers and everything about your body was just really private and you didn’t talk about these things openly etc. So for me I just get embarrassed (not shameful really, just embarrassed) because some might ‘see me’ but I feel that way equally around men and woman, and it is just my own issue, stemming from upbringing etc. Again I do like the points you addressed and I would hope anyone covering up for one of those reasons would feel less guilty, I don’t think it should be a shame issue.
One last thought, I think one of the other reasons I would still cover up is because of what kelly said, sometimes I think that it does make people uncomfortable (like in a church service setting) and whether that is right or wrong or their issue etc, I just thought that if I have a blanket, why not out of love for those around me. (and if my baby doesn’t care, I know some babies just hate the blanket, I haven’t had one of those yet) and it just doesn’t seem like that big a deal to make an issue out of. Anyway, just a thought.
Thanks for the post, it had some great thoughts and insights.
Hateesha
Hi Beth,
Well written Beth. I agree that women should feel free and comfortable to breasfeed in whatever way they choose (while being discrete of course and not letting everything hang out). For me I find I love the nursing cover. I haven’t had the money to spend on nursing tank tops etc. so for me the cover keeps me warm and covers my belly from onlookers. Is it just me, or am I the only one who has unpredictable babies who like to pop their heads on and off and look around exposing everything? I can’t imagine not covering up in the first 2 months. Selah ( my second baby) had such hard time latching that it would take a while to get her on, after taking her off repeatedly. Not to mention I often would have to go in a room to express milk because she would choke and cry for the first bit. Then once I battled to get her latched on I could emerge… lol. After the first couple months it got better. But then they get to about 7 months and want to know whats going on around them. I find even sometimes they pull the a blanket off and so I found the nursing cover gave me a sense of security without the panic of “oh no I hope they don’t pop off and flash the world.” That’s been my experience with breastfeeding and covers.
Funny thing… I had one guy ask if he could see the baby while I had a cover on… he had no idea she was eating under it. When I told him, he looked so embarassed. lol
How do all you mothers feel secure, without a cover when the possiblity (or reality in my case) of your child popping on and off due to the slightest of distractions, could take place at any moment??
kelly
The “nursing rooms” at the mall piss me off. What a messed up culture it is that we consider a retailer “breastfeeding friendly” because they’ve created a room for nursing moms and babies to go hide in?!
That said…I agree with many of your points but have come to a different conclusion. I agree that breasts are dual purpose, that men are responsible for their own minds and hearts, and that my baby has a right to eat when she’s hungry no matter where we are. I have breastfed in pretty much every public place i’ve been, including standing in the starbucks parking lot last week…lol. But I cover up. I guess I figure if breastfeeding makes people uncomfortable, and it doesn’t hurt to cover up, and it isn’t sin to cover up, why wouldn’t i cover up? If it came down to it and i had nothing to cover up with, I would definately feed my baby anyways…but we always have a blankie or something in the van so it’s never come to that.
I don’t live in fear of accidentally flashing people…if baby kicks the blanket off I’m not embarrassed…but I do cover up the best I can because I don’t see it as a reason to create controversy. I know your going to disagree with me…that’s just my two cents 🙂
On another note….I always leave the sanctuary to go nurse my twins in the nursery…and I always miss the service, and I wish I could just feed the babies in the church service (covered) but I’m afraid of the uproar it would create. Do you nurse at church? How do you feel about that?
Hateesha
I love that there are quiet places to nurse at public places. Its like a refuge amongst caos for me and my baby. My babies always nurse better when its quieter.
I like covering up for the same reasons. I have nursed in church before. I just sit at the back with a cover on so that no one in the seat behind me can stand up and look down (i dont’ think anyone would, I’m just more reserved and self concious about that). I have really enjoyed listening to the sermon while nursing. No one has ever given me any bad looks. I think that’s awesome to not be ashamed of nursing in a church service while being discrete.
naomi
oh i’ve wondered about that at our church too, but no one seems to care at our church and if they did, they wouldnt dare confront me on it lol!
Crystal
Totally disagree. Just because a nursing room is in the mall doesn’t mean you have to use it, but it does provide a welcome, quiet, warm space for those moms who choose to nurse there. I thought feminism was about providing options, not imposing one’s choices on others.
As far as church goes – I probably would choose not to nurse in the sanctuary. We are called to not be a stumbling block to others, whether or not it is a sin, and I think it just respects others. But I do agree that it stinks having to always miss the service with babies.
Marissa
I completely and totally agree with you! (Although, I will say that I have to say that I do know a few moms who fling their breasts around with joyous abandon that I even as a woman would prefer not to see:). I didn’t read all the comments from the link that you shared so I am sure that it came up, but one thing that both you and she left out is that a cover or blanket helps keep baby from being distracted…I find that my babies usually want no part of breastfeeding if there are other things to see so it is just more convenient. And I have to press the other side to keep milk from soaking through multiple layers of clothing. Not to mention that each time they pull off, milk from both breasts is going to be spraying in more than one direction and I just would rather do others the favour of not wearing my milk or having to wipe it up (it has happened). So while I am fine with nursing where ever, whenever, I am one of those women who cover up quite often, and have had other women go on soapboxes about how I should not feel that I have to cover up (opposite shaming) while having no idea of my reasons. So I guess what I would gently say is that I feel like both of you left out that not every woman covers up because they, ” are uncomfortable with nursing in public, and that covering up helps them to nurse more comfortably when they otherwise may not even nurse at all. I understand that, and I am glad that they have decided to breastfeed despite feeling unsure/uncomfortable.” But I will say that aside from that little point, I think that your points are great and I think what lots of women/men need to hear so I hope you don’t mind my other little perspective.
Hateesha
I agree with you Marissa and empathize with your need to cover up. I as well am not ashamed, just feel it is more practical.
Crystal
I also agree. I covered up not because I was not comfortable, but for milk-spray factor and because it was distracting for babies. And while I do not think we are responsible for men’s “sinning” when they see a breastfeeding woman, I know lots of men who feel uncomfortable (not aroused) because they are not sure where they should look. And I want to respect that.
naomi
my lil boy is notorious for getting distracted while nursing even when its a boring day at home on the couch! so I tend to cover up when out so that he won’t get distracted too…sometimes though I wish I had a lil more guts to not care if he decided to hang off the boob and look around for a lil while.
sadie
I think a person’s face is a good place to look at all times.
Lola
haha missy… I know someone too. I agree with your points as well.
sadie
One of my boys needed a blanket over him to focus, the other one needed to be free. I’ve seen a few breasts flinging around too, but I just thought it was funny.
Marissa
haha, Lola and I are both probably picturing “flinging” in excess right now:). I also should have said that I would prefer not having to wipe it off of the back of the pew, or the booth three feet away, or the gentleman who got to view and almost wear all while he was innocently walking past our table to the wash room. Perhaps they should feel comfortable wiping my breast milk off…but can’t say I blame someone for feeling a bit of the eww factor:).
Allison
I hear your points, however it can work the other way as well. Around 4 months and on, she would unlatch herself and turn completely around to bat at the cover, letting milk spray everywhere. So no covers for us even if I wanted them. I didn’t really care though.
Margi
Thank you, thank you from the bottom of my heart! I wholeheartedly agree with you and I got such funny looks when I told people I didn’t WANT a nursing cover! I refuse to seclude myself in the back room and I refuse to smother my baby with blankets/covers. I wear tops that I can pull up, the baby covers the rest and it’s the most perfectly natural thing on earth! Can’t wait to meet my newest little bubs in June and start the journey again… 🙂
Lola
I thought I was the only one who told people that I actually didn’t want a nursing cover. I think they are kinda of the “in” thing to buy moms.