By contributing writer, Erin Long
Have you ever walked through the IKEA showroom and wandered around the displays that boast “Our Family in an Impossibly Tiny Space” and wondered how, as cute and efficient as it might be, people could ever actually live in small spaces like that? Small space living may be lauded, but is it worth it?
When we signed a lease for an 800-square-foot duplex in October I seriously questioned that my husband, three kids (4, 3, 8 months) and I could fit.
We’re not newbies to living in tight quarters and we’re quasi-minimalists: we’ve moved internationally on airplanes in two fifty pound suitcases per person six times in eight years and have never lived in more than 1,000 square-feet. We know how to pack light and we like being cozy.
But this was the first time we were a family of five, we owned furniture, and we didn’t have a move out date before we moved in. And now we live in America, the land of huge homes and three car garages, it’s not like the rest of the world, where families in small spaces are the norm.
While I was excited by the challenge and even looked forward to bucking the social norm and raising our family in less space than the average American family, I was nervous.
Would we walk all over each other all the time? Could we keep the kids’ toys contained? How would it work with three kids and only two bedrooms?
As it’s turned out, not only do we fit in our small duplex, we actually like it.
Here’s why:
We have to live intentionally
Everything we moved into our home had to have a purpose and everything we bring into our home has to contribute to the function of our family. This quote by William Morris is our standard: “Have nothing in your house that you do not know to be useful, or believe to be beautiful”.
If it doesn’t fit this criteria, it doesn’t make it over the threshold.
This allows us to thoughtfully consider what we buy and what we choose to keep. We would be overrun by stuff the moment I started buying all the cute things that catch my eye or if we let the kids have more toys than they actually play with.
It’s liberating to have only the things around us that contribute to our happiness and the smooth functioning of our home. It allows us to focus on what really matters.
We cannot let our home get messy
I have to start by saying I am a naturally tidy person. I wrote a two-part series about it here and here. So, keeping a clean home does come relatively easy to me but it’s a challenge to maintain tidiness when there are five people in a small space.
I don’t have counter space for lots of dirty dishes and if I have a pile of laundry in the living room it quickly gets spread all over by my rambunctious kids because they don’t have many other places to play. Toys must be picked up throughout the day or there is no way to get from one side of the living room to the other.
Our home is usually a bit messier than I would like but that’s life with young kids, especially in limited space. But then I don’t have a choice other than to clean, because our 800-square-feet would turn into 100-square-feet in about two hours.
It also doesn’t take long to get our home clean for guests. Because there isn’t much floor to vacuum, shelves to dust or counters to wipe, we can typically be ready to welcome people into our home in half an hour or less. It takes some stress out of hosting!
We save a lot of money
This is why we chose our home: it’s in our price range and the utilities are inexpensive. We considered a slightly larger home with a few more extras but settled on this one because it would give us more leeway in our budget.
Because we keep our housing cost low it allows us to use more of our money in ways that are important to us. We are more intentional in our spending because we can’t just buy things that would be nice to have but aren’t necessary, which for us includes a dish washer and dryer (we do have a microwave because this mama needs her tea hot). So not only is our housing cost less, our monthly spending is less, too.
It’s easy to supervise my kids
I never wonder where my kids are or what they’re up to. Our duplex isn’t open concept (Joanna Gaines would definitely knock down a wall and put in an island) but the kids are always within earshot. I can be in the kitchen, getting ready in the bathroom, or cleaning the bedroom and know where the kids are and what they’re doing.
A day will come when we’ll all need a little more room to roam but while I have little ones underfoot, close proximity is a necessity.
It creates closeness in our family
When my older two get mad at each other they have to work it out because they don’t have their own rooms to retreat to. When I feel overwhelmed I have to address the causes rather than escape into a secluded place (maybe that would be nice sometimes…). My husband and I always spend the evening together because the only rooms not occupied by a sleeping child are the kitchen and living room.
Large homes are known to create distance in families as each person has one or more places where they can remove themselves from everyone else. While there is a time and a place for that, it’s not all the time.
Because we’re always in the same space our family has more opportunities to interact and connect. It helps us to foster closeness and establish bonds that will tie us together as our children grow older.
We know it’s not forever
Our lease is for one year and while we don’t know what our life will look like next October, chances are we won’t be in the same home. By then our oldest will be in school and our youngest won’t be a baby anymore – I don’t know if such a small space will serve our family well at that point. We’ll see.
But if we do move to a larger space it won’t be much larger. A few hundred more square feet could work for our family for the long term without sacrificing the benefits that 800-square-feet give us right now.
Living in a small space isn’t for everyone and there are times I do find it limiting. We can host only small gatherings and I don’t want to always store Christmas decorations at my in-law’s.
But far and away it’s a blessing to our family and it challenges us to really think though how we live and to be wise in our choices.
And that’s ultimately what we want: to live our life intentionally and in the way that’s best for our family and our circumstances, even if mainstream society says something different.
So whether you live in a yurt, a downtown high rise or a large home in the suburbs, live in the way that is best for you and your people. We’re all better off for it.
Looking for more posts like this one? Check out:
- Minimalist Kid Wardrobes: How I Use One Dresser for All Three of my Kids.
- How to Set a Beautiful Holiday Table on a Tight Budget
Alicia
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Cheri
I believe she clearly addresses that in get article. I’m an American, but I can see and admit we are a very spoiled and entitled country. Even those considered low income (that would be my hubby and I) are still living high on the hog compared to the rest of the world. And many are in financial straits because instead of living within their means and enjoying what they have with the American mindset people don’t know how to be happy with themselves. They think happiness is having what everyone else has. It is a sad situation what we have become.
Diane
We are currently retiring,downsizing and moving into a much smaller place. Thanks for the helpful perspective. We will have six people (three adults with three grandsons on the weekends) living in a two bedroom (converted to three temporarily) for the next 7 months. We need all the help we can get.
Veronica
We’re a family of 7, with five cats, living in 1300 sq ft. It’s an older house, with 3 bedrooms 1.5 baths, and a partially finished basement. People always assume I must hate living in such a small place, but really, I find it brings us all closer together. We’ve actually stayed in extremely large houses a couple of times – like 5k to 6k sq ft – and I hated how disconnected we all felt! I love knowing where my kids are (they are 17, 15, 10, 7, and 4). It’s less to clean. It’s affordable. And, as a minimalist, I believe that our society has gone way overboard on how much “stuff” we need, causing us to want more space to put it all in. This house, in 1945 when it was built, was considered a nice-sized home for a growing family. And that’s what it is now! Thanks for sharing the photos of your place, I love to see how other’s manage their smaller spaces!
Katie Mae Stanley
Your house is so cute Erin! It makes me wish I could be on the other side of your duplex. 😉
Regina
I so agree with you, we live in our camper due to my hubby’s job so when we are home we tend to stay in our living area more than in separate areas because we love being near each other. I am learning in the life of traveling & being in small space that less is more. I’m now trying to incorporate that into my house life. I’ve been cleaning out & decluttering, it’s amazing the junk you can keep.
Mckenna
We have lived in an 800 sqft duplex for 3 years now. and also have 3 kids. The two older bunk and baby sleeps in our room. Yes sometimes I complain about needing and wanting more space. But we fit perfectly fine, and really don’t need all the “stuff” we fantasize about owning. Our little home is a blessing.
HM
This is misleading…if you’re storing “stuff” off-site, you technically are using more square feet to support your family, which may or not be minimalist. Also, a decision to purchase a larger home, not lease as you do, likely is not made because a family wants to distance itself from each other, but to make an investment that will have good financial return for them or their children some day. How ludicrous to imply that families in larger homes don’t live as intentionally, neatly or closely as you. You can live on top of someone and still be emotionally distant!
Ea
Agreed. 1300 square ft, 3 kids, now grown, and its perfect for us. The size of the home doesn’t have anything to do with the love inside. A cardboard box to a 10000 sqft mansion, the people are who make it a loving home. It’s very condescending to assume that a large home and luxury items make a home any less loving, and quite judgemental. I’m not going to keep following her anymore because this is the tone of everything that she writes.
Beth
Good morning, Ea,
A few notes of clarification:
1) This post wasn’t written by me. It was written by a contributor, Erin, who contributes encouraging and helpful articles once/month.
2) I’m not sure why you’re speaking in the third person in your last sentence there. You’re leaving a comment on my blog, which is presumably directed at me (or my contributing writer, or maybe you don’t know the difference). You can address me (or her) directly.
3) Nobody claimed that a large home and luxury items make a home less loving. The only thing in this article that is even close to that sort of topic is where Erin mentioned that “Large homes are known to create distance in families as each person has one or more places where they can remove themselves from everyone else. While there is a time and a place for that, it’s not all the time.” I would say that a slight change in wording could help clarify the message (ie. “large homes CAN BE known to create…”), but I definitely think that reading the article in context is prudent. She’s talking about HER family’s experience… the heading in that section is “it creates closeness in *OUR* family”. She’s not making a strong declarative statement about ALL families, and I think that’s fairly obvious, given the context of the article being shared from the writer’s own experiences as opposed to a scientific research paper or other such authoritative writing.
4) I find that a good rule of thumb for reading things on the internet is to always read charitably. That is to say: read with the assumption that the writer had good intent. That people are not generally out to judge you and condescend. Sometimes the message gets muddied or the tone is misread. Sometimes personality types clash in their communication. It happens. Before becoming offended or hot under the collar, I find it helpful to simply assume the best in people, and in their intentions.
5) If you think that everything that I (or my contributing writer… again it’s not super clear who you’re addressing) write is condescending in tone, then I agree – perhaps another blog might be a better fit for you to follow. I strive to write everything in an encouraging/helpful/amusing/authentic/gracious manner, but I suppose I can’t be everyone’s cup of tea. There are all sorts of different writers out there, and that’s ok.
I wish you the best today, Ea, and may you find the encouragement that you seek! Have a great week!
Beth
(Creator and writer of Red & Honey)
Betty Prosser
Well said Beth ,we are all different and express our selves sometimes so wrongly while trying to make a point.I love reading other people’s ways and ideas ,than go do my own thing when possible.We can all learn from each other and we don’t have to all agree.This makes life interesting and worth living and loving
Cheri
I loved this article. I have no idea the square feet of this house. It is a 3 bedroom one bath. One living room, one dining room, a small kitchen, with an addition of a room just big enough for a kitchen table and a few cupboards. My husband’s great grandparents built the house as hundreds years ago. We live here WITH HIS MOTHER IN HER HOUSE. Yes someday it will be ours, but for now our family of five exist in two bedrooms and the dining room has somewhat become our children’s playroom. That’s it we have a shelf in the bathroom closet and one in the hallway linen closet. There is a full basement, but it is packed with three generations of stuff. And the laundry is down there b. I have about a 4’X8′ space for things. Some days it’s hard. Articles like this help me feel less claustrophobic. P.S. My mom taught me if you can’t say something nice don’t say anything. Sorry the world now thinks manners and kindness are an afterthought.
Beth
I love that there’s such a rich history in your house having been built by great-grandparents – how amazing!
There are pros and cons to most things, small-space living included. Well done to you for making it work well for your family!
xo
Antoinette
Good for you! We raised a family of four in a 900 sf two bedroom home. Now they are 18 and 16, a boy and a girl, and we still make it work. Like you, cost of living was a major factor, but really knowing each other, and dealing with life was another. Now, although they don’t always like it, the kids are good friends and confidants, and they always look out for each other in a pinch. We don’t live an idyllic life, but it is pretty close, and I attribute much of it to our close proximity. Don’t give up! It truly is worth the struggle that will come. The results will be immeasurable!
Beth
Love hearing these stories from moms of older kids who’ve been there, done that. 🙂
Heather @To Sow a Seed
9 kids, 2 adults… 1700 sq ft. and no one has killed anyone yet. ?
Seriously, a well-laid out home with minimal “stuff” makes it possible. I shudder to think of friends with homes 2 or 3 times this size. I prefer small, tidy, and purposeful!
Catherine
We have 7 people in a 900 sq ft, 3 bed, 1 bath house. I also think living intentionally is a huge benefit of this arrangement, I just wish there weren’t 6 people sharing one bathroom! I’m considering holding off on potty-training the 2-year-old until we can move into something bigger (with more bathrooms).
Kriss
When my husband and I were still together, we had a family of 7 in about 1100 square feet, and it felt like we were insane! Of course, that could be because at the time, we had 5 year old twins (his), 3 year old not-twins (one was his, one was ours), and a newborn baby (ours). The twins and not-twins each shared bedrooms, and the baby was in the grown-ups’ room. We all had to be really close, because there was nowhere to hide!
Diana E
Wow, way to go alienating all your UK readers! The average house size in the UK is 818 sq ft. That’s the AVERAGE, most families will not have more than 900 – 1000 sq ft. It’s great you’re spreading the word that less is more but you are still richly blessed compared to the rest of the world!
Holly
This is compared to Americans….the average house here is much, much larger than 800 square feet. It is wonderful that you folks in the UK see 800 square feet as normal, sufficient, we Americans could sure learn a lot from you!!
kate
Family of 6 in a 2 bedroom, 1 bathroom 880 square foot 1950’s cottage here!! We make it work.
Erin Long
Homes from that era just make you want to be a cozy family! Glad you’ve found ways to make it work!
Vanessa
Thanks for this post! We are in about 500 sq feet with my husband, daughter and I, two cats (and I am due with daughter #2 in two weeks). It is so encouraging to remember we are not the only weird ones who really enjoy living in a small space! It does have additional challenges but we have really enjoyed the benefits, too. Thanks for the pictures of your set up as well, always wonderful to see how others use their space. 🙂
Erin Long
You definitely are NOT the only ones! It’s so great to see more and more people embracing smaller living spaces. I’m glad you enjoyed the pictures – I always enjoy seeing how other people make their spaces work too! And congrats on baby #2!
Lisa/SyncopatedMama
I enjoyed your whole post, but I really LOVED that London artwork you’ve got up on the wall! Very cool!
Erin Long
Thanks Lisa! The artwork is Cavallini & Co wrapping paper mod podged onto canvas – they cost about $6 each! Glad you like the post and some of my home decor!
Jolene
Oh my goodness – another tiny houser! We live in a 650 sq ft home with our two children, a dog, and about 15 fish. It is tiny and cozy and I go crazy some days in the winter with cabin fever, but it is affordable (student family over here) and I am a minimalist by nature. I like not having a lot of stuff, it really takes the stress off.
Erin Long
You are SO right that less stuff does take a lot of stress out of life! I’m impressed that your family is in 650 sq ft AND you have a dog! Keep rockin’ the tiny house life!
MamaV
The only thing holding me back from downsizing with our family of 5 going on 7 is that adoption home study people really like to see kind of a standard American approach to kids’ bedrooms (I.e. Having 3 kids in the parents’ bedroom might not be acceptable). We will have 5 kids in a 3 bedroom house, and that feels pretty roomy to me, but I think if we went to 2 bedrooms government agencies might start raising their eyebrows. However, once the adoption is complete… 😉
Erin Long
Ugh… if only people understood what an asset a small living space is! But, yes, once the kids are yours…
Elizabeth Vega
Thank you for this post! My husband & I live in 800sq ft, and the first thing people say when they visit is, “Well, you can always add on later!” Except we don’t want to: like you, we enjoy the tidiness of a minimalist-leaning home, the intimacy of sharing a small space, and the efficiency of heating and cooling such a place. We don’t have kids, but the way we see it, we still have plenty of room for some!
Erin Long
What a great perspective! Hopefully you’re able to share it with those who automatically think you should add-on!
Jennifer
Thank you for your post Erin. My husband and I both came from urban upbringings and dwelt in small square footage. We settled into American suburban life and had four children. Now that two are college age we are seriously trying to downsize. i miss the simplicity of urban living. I know…most people think that thought is backwards. But growing up we had what we needed and not much more. I would like to do the second part of my life without the need for so much stuff and be able to spend time with the PEOPLE I love and cherish. When we had our first child, there was no nursery. The bassinet was right next to me. We were counter cultural then. I am ready to return. Thanks for the inspiration. It is just what I needed today!
Erin Long
I’m so glad I could inspire you! It is such a blessing to focus on people and not stuff and a smaller living space does lend itself to that. I bet having a larger suburban home with four kids had its advantages but, yes, for your next season a smaller living space could be perfect!