Note: I had most of this post written several months ago before we had even the faintest clue about the new-job-in-a-brand-new-city-adventure that has plunked itself into our laps. As such, I’ve held off publishing while I gave some serious thought to my deepest motivations for this decision. I realized somewhere along the way that I was writing the safe version of my decision. Because I value authenticity and uncomfortable truth, here’s the truest version instead.
_
Here’s a sentence I never expected to write:
We’re quitting homeschooling. Our kids will be attending public school this fall, and we’re no longer a homeschooling family.
In the last few weeks, as I worked from morning to night feverishly sorting and tidying every last item we own (it was KonMari in ten days, fueled by copious amounts of caffeine and a ticking clock) in preparation for our house to go on the market, I came across many bits of evidence of my homeschool plans and dreams that have been building for seven years now.
I held in my hands our math curriculum choice that I anguished over and finally became excited about, the dozens of specific books I had sourced over months of planning, the sticky notes and scratch pieces of paper with notes and ideas that sparked my soul, carefully tucked away to be used later, the weekly schedule I perfected and laboured over for three straight days last winter while on a homeschool planning retreat, secluded in my parents’ guest room. Each time I came across another book or scrap of paper, my heart would constrict a little and I’d feel the weight of sadness.
It’s painful to give up a dream. This isn’t the first time I’ve had to do it (we planned and dreamed for years to be overseas missionaries, but it ultimately did not work out). Strange as it may sound, my feelings over the last month have most closely resembled grief as I’ve mourned the loss of my homeschooling identity.
I don’t know how to be the public school mom.
I think I’m doing the right thing. But to be honest, I don’t really know. I second guess our decision every day, but when my head hits the pillow, I feel like it’s ultimately the right choice for right now.
Most who know me know that we were very firmly convinced that homeschooling was the best choice for our family. In fact, I wrote a post last year that was literally titled Why I Don’t Want to Send my Kids to Public School.
What you didn’t know was that I had a follow-up post called “Why I Want to Send my Kids to Public School” percolating in my head ever since, but it never made it to publication. I was a public school kid for the majority of my schooling, and I loved it so much it’s almost embarrassing. But I felt conflicted about confessing my seemingly contradictory love and disdain for public education. I felt like “I definitely really don’t want to send my kids to public school, but in many ways I really kinda wish I could.”
I have big concerns about the public system today. I outlined them in that post last year, so I won’t get into them again here. They are still real concerns in my mind, so you’re probably wondering if I might please get to the point, and tell you why are we making this decision already.
Here’s the first reason:
My amazing husband has been steadily and faithfully pursuing a stable aviation career for years. We’ve moved across the country (and back) for training, gone through several periods of unemployment, endured poverty-level pay grades, and weathered the stress of a job with unethical pressures which resulted in a resignation that seemed like a big, fat, career dead-end.
Until recently, he was unemployed after being laid off in March this year. The job search in aviation is complicated, and he had resigned himself to pursuing a pilot position in the airlines (which wasn’t his first choice). That path is a long one, and the first five or so years don’t pay enough to support a family.
We finally came to the realization that I need to contribute to our bottom line financially so that he could pursue that path without guilt. This blog has been a side business for me for a couple of years, and has been bringing in a solid part-time income. It helped us get through the last five months while hubs was laid off, and we’re supremely grateful for that. But in looking to the long-term future, we realized that we needed it to continue to grow. Last year I attempted homeschooling and running my business at the same time, and I failed miserably.
I mean, from an outside perspective – nothing disastrous happened. My oldest was in first grade, and I taught him to read, we did tons of zoo and science centre trips, we studied the monthly Tom Thompson paintings from our wall calendar, and he picked up a bunch of math concepts from our daily life, because he’s a smarty-pants. (proud mama.)
But I didn’t even come close to accomplishing the homeschool I dreamed and planned for. Not even close. And worse than that – I burnt out. My adrenal fatigue got worse, threatening my health and ability to complete day-to-day tasks. My stress was at an all-time high, and anxiety was becoming an every day issue. I felt like I was losing my mind.
So one day last spring on the way home, we took a spontaneous right turn and drove past the neighbourhood public school.
The large brick building loomed high in the blue sky, and I felt the gravity of the potential changes on the horizon. I let them wash over me ever so slowly at first. I sat with the idea for a few weeks before broaching the subject with my husband, and then the kids. We all settled into the idea slowly, and then we visited the school and had a tour.
It went amazingly well. I nearly cried tears of relief at the end, having so many of my fears assuaged. They were warm and friendly, and most of all – they cared about my kids.
I realize how silly that sounds. Many of you reading are probably like, “duh – public school is not a dungeon of monsters.” I knew that intellectually, of course. I think it was just the fear of the unknown. Will the kids like it? Will they thrive, or struggle? Will the teachers and administrators see my kids for the gems that they are? Will the system crush my kids’ love for learning, or handle it tenderly and encourage it to grow? Will the bureaucratic red tape create a negative experience in any way? What about my oldest’s fears and uncertainties about the whole idea in the first place?
Despite my uncertainties, I took our first visit going so wonderfully as a sign of hope.
–
So, I was going to stop the story here. Everyone would understand finances and the tough spot we were in, I figured. If finances weren’t an issue, I’d be gung-ho for continuing our homeschooling path, right?
But our finances weren’t the only reason we ultimately made this choice. You see, I must confess to a small sense of intense relief at the thought of having my kids go to school every day, with someone else taking part of the responsibility off my shoulders.
As a major introvert, the thought of someone else to help bear the major burden of teaching my kids everything they need to know sounds, well, amazing.
A few years ago when I was seeing our counselor for a few personal sessions to talk about my innermost stuff (sounds so self-centered, but boy oh boy, do I ever highly recommend it. It was heavenly), we were talking about personality types. She was an expert in MBTI (which I adore… special snowflake INFP here) and something that she said struck me most profoundly.
She told me that my particular type may be the one that struggles the most with being a stay-at-home mother. My introversion and my idealism combine with a strongly empathic personality that readily internalizes the emotions around me (hello toddlers! yowza!), and is easily overwhelmed with the every hour, every moment wild roller coaster ride of raising small children.
I’d be lying if I said that this truth about the personality that God gave me didn’t play in to my public schooling decision as well. In this way, I’m very much (with trepidation) looking forward to our public school journey.
If we were to choose homeschooling again in the future then of course I’d make it work by seeking to maximize my strengths and giving grace for my weaknesses. But for now, I’m just resting in the decision we’ve made, and letting myself embrace it.
_
It’s funny how life chooses the curveballs it throws, isn’t it? The thing you think is the one thing you’ll probably never do ends up being The Big Change that you end up making. Ah, irony, you big jerk.
But things change. Life throws big fat curveballs that nearly clock you in the head because they’re so unexpected. Careers ebb and flow. Parents do their best, but sometimes ideals aren’t met.
And yeah, that’s okay.
That’s a hard statement for me to affirm because I used to live in a very black and white world. Right or Wrong. Best or Worst. No real in between. Both/ands, maybes, sortas, and half-baked decisions weren’t my cup of tea.
I’m living in the in-between shades now – the myriad of choices and scenarios that exist in that expansive distance between Absolute Best, and Absolute Worst, and how sometimes those camps shift and change anyway.
Most of you know that we’re moving to Ottawa in two weeks. Our public school plans remain the same, but we’ll be withdrawing our registration here, and registering at our new school in our new neighbourhood.
We’re no longer a homeschooling family. School starts on September 8, and I’ll bring my two older kiddos, all of us a bundle of nerves.
I’ll check back in later next month with how we’re all doing with our new schooling adventure. Until then, I’ve got school supplies to buy and lunchboxes to figure out. Eek!
Jacalyn
Hi, I saw this post and read it our of curiosity I guess. Let me start by saying, great job!! You are obviously very insightful to your family’s financial needs, your children and yourself. I briefly researched homeschooling when the Christian school my children were attending was going to become elementary only. Honestly, I don’t think homeschool, at that time for me would have worked. Now maybe with ‘group homeschoolers” in the area it would, I know I am not qualified to offer the extras…science, music, art ,high school courses etc. Teachers have an education and skills for teaching our children. I am not a teacher. There is A LOT of teaching that happens at home, but I leave the core academics to the professionals. Hindsight is 20/20, I wish my oldest had gone to public school for some further educational assistance. He did okay, and a retired special education teacher that attended our Church did some tutoring in elementary school for reading comprehension. He did struggle some when he went from Christian school to a public high school. This high school is a Technical/ Charter -like School. He was slightly below average but when he worked hard he did well. My daughter is doing great. She went to another Christian school for middle school and in 8th grade went to a charter school. It was challenging but such a great help for her. Made me sad my son didn’t get in (lottery) he missed a good educational opportunity. Now age 20 he is a Cadet with Natural Resources and my daughter is honor roll student. We must do what we need to for our Family! God has a plan!! Homeschool or Public school we love our children and want to the best for them. We can not judge others. Many Blessings to you and your family on your new ventures
Lindsey
How timely this is. I spent 3 hours on the phone today with the director of a very small charter school — and I’ve been homeschooling for the last 5 years with plans to go “all the way”. For the last 3 months, I haven’t wanted to say out loud that I’m just tired, unmotivated, and wanting to pursue some of my own interests. The public school here wasn’t an option because it’s just not a good school with good kids, but then I stumbled on this charter school that sounds as close to our homeschool experience as anything I’ve found, and I’m actually a little excited (and the guilt is almost overwhelming). I feel so guilty and so relieved at the same time; the idea of several hours a day alone to pursue my blog full time, to write and come up with recipes, to photograph food, to stay on top of housekeeping, to actually make my bed each morning is, well, so ethereal. And bringing on loads of guilt at the same time. We have an appt to tour the school on Friday, and the whole fam is going. We’ve decided that if we do pursue the school, we will give it until Christmas break. If any of us doesn’t absolutely love it, we will pull out, go back to homeschooling, and (try to) live happily ever after. Even the director of the school said that is an amazing and wise decision. So that’s where we are at. And this is what I have dealt with all day, so the timing of your post is nothing less than Providential. Thanks for helping me feel better today. Seriously.
Lola
I hope it’s a great year. Anna Kate went to grade three last year after being completely (and unapologetically) unschooled up until then. I did at one point teach her how to correctly write her letters (she loves writing stories) and I started 100 easy lessons with her to teach her to read but other than that, we did nothing formal. At 9 she tested ahead of grade level for most things and at grade level for reading (which she could take or leave so she did very little of it up until then). It was a huge confidence boost for me in my homeschooling journey and I’ve seriously CHILLED out because of it. I did get quite a few really hilarious comments from staff like “we can’t believe how easily she makes friends!” and the teacher seemed a little weirded out at Parent teacher conferences when I was completely uninterested in her learning outcomes and grades and obsessively asking questions like “is she kind to her peers?” and “does she speak respectfully and show compassion”.
I found I had to guard our family time closely with a kid in school as there are so many activities and ridiculous homework assignments. There will also be some things that just bug you about public school. Annoying social things, weird curriculum, having to throw away bananas that fall on the floor during lunch (or maybe that’s just me. I mean, I’m pretty sure all of my kids have eaten chicken poop at some point in their lives so a few nanoparticles of dirt on a banana definitely won’t kill them), nutrition lessons that preach low fat garbage diets etc. But there are a lot of really fun great things too. And great teachers who are excited and passionate. I think you will enjoy sending your kids and that there will be negatives and positives just like there are with many things in life. Have a great move and a great new start.
Donielle
I’m so glad you shared that!
As an introverted homeschooling mom myself I can totally relate. And it wasn’t until I really started to figure out my personality that I began to figure out why I loved the “idea” of homeschooling but still wanted to chase down the bus at least twice a week.
Last year was a hard year and I’m hoping I have some systems in ace to help! We’re doing a one day (all day) enrichment program for my two school aged kids, and my mom will watch all three one afternoon a week. It has been a giant relief to know that I’ll have help in teaching, so I can easily relate to the weight off your shoulders. And to tell the whole truth, public school is never off the table for me! I’m like you and see very much in black and white, but I’ve come to grips that it just isn’t that way with schooling! After arguing with my husband for years that it was.?
I pray the transition goes smoothly for you all and that God works within you so that you thrive and grow in the best ways possible this year! ❤️
Rachel
Beth, Kudos to you for sharing so freely and I respect your decision. We have 5 that we’ve only ever sent to public school, and it has been a wonderful experience! Though I think I would be an okay homeschooling Mom, I feel that they get a really well-rounded education and have teachers that truly love them and invest so much into their students. I sometimes feel judged by solely homeschooling Moms who think it’s terrible that I would send them off to be in the care of someone else. For my husband and I, we feel that if they have loving support at home and you are involved at school some, that really helps. Also, since we are Christians, we feel that they are indeed “little lights” to their fellow students (and sometimes the teachers and staff!). Best wishes to you and your family as you seek to do His will! I did write an article about our views if you’d ever want to read about them: http://quiverfullofblessings.com/2014/03/05/how-we-homeschool-without-homeschooling/
Tricia
Love your real & honest posts. Praying that you all transition smoothly to the move & your new life out in Ottawa. ?
Jennifer
Hi Beth,
Thanks for sharing. My eldest is 6 and has been at a small integrated school for almost two years (we’re in New Zealand so the system is a little different here) and my second is due to start in January . I was so unsure about whether school would be the best choice for my son; as a four year old he hadn’t picked up as much language or as many social skills as other kids his age … a recipe for disaster, I thought, but despite my trepidation he has done really well and come a long way. I still sometimes wonder if homeschooling wouldn’t be better for a variety of reasons but my husband and I are aware that we can always change our minds and give homeschooling a go later on. There are just so many factors to consider — younger children at home, the ten million decisions homeschooling mums have to make about the curriculum, my sketchy organisational abilities, my son’s need to practice his social skills among his peers. (And I’m also INFP!)
Anyway, I wish you all the best with your move and settling into your new home, neighbourhood and school!
Emily
Good for you. My kids aren’t school age yet, but I always get a little weirded out with how moms in stages ahead of me think they have schooling all figured out, for themselves and everyone else. This isn’t an issue that is black or white. Glad you felt the freedom to move ahead even if you have to admit you’ve changed your tune…that’s healthy and respectable.
DK
Sometimes the smallest step in the right direction can end up being the biggest step for you and your family’s lives. Your decision has been made and that is better than the hinterlands of “no decision”. Continue to support your husband and his career goals. I appreciate your honesty in this post. May I offer the standard aviation advice that you put the oxygen mask on yourself first before putting the mask on those who need help Also, remember that God will never take you where his Grace can’t reach you. Breathe!
Beth
Thank-you so much for that reminder! I definitely need to remember to take care of myself in the next few months so that I can continue loving my people in the best possible way. Thanks for the encouragement – it means so much. xoxo.
Trisha
How wonderful that God has led you to a decision it sounds like is right for your family for this time in your life.
Truth be told, I’m a bit jealous 😉
I desperately pled with God about this issue this summer. Lyme disease has kicked my butt. I am so exhausted I’m having a hard time even thinking how I’ll function to get through our school days. Over and over I feel like my answer is that I need to homeschool though. So I have been tweaking curriculum to make things easier on myself (despite the fact that it’s not my ideal). We are also looking at hiring someone to come in and help several days a week – laundry, read to my littles, etc. I know if God wants me to homeschool, he will make a way for it.
Blessings on your new journey! I’ll look forward to reading how your adventure into public schools go 🙂
Beth
Oh, I’m so sorry to hear about your struggles… I know what you mean about being so exhausted. I pray that you continue to have peace with whatever decision you make, and if it ends up being public school, that you go forward without guilt or judgment. Praying blessings over your year this year, as you care for your precious littles in the way that you feel led! xo (And feel better soon, mama!)
Jessica White
I could’ve written this. We’re getting ready for our first year of homeschooling, with first grade. I have all these visions and ideals of what I want this to be, but know I may be way out of my mind. Our oldest is 5.5, we have 3.5 year old triplets, and we just added baby #5 to the mix 2 months ago!
The idea of sending our oldest to school is equally terrifying and calming. I’d miss her like crazy, but would love for the responsibility of her education to be shared with someone else. We’re going to give it a shot though. It’s hard making these decisions. ?
Beth
Oh my gosh – yes, I hear you. That sounds like a lot. A LOT. Haha! I wish you much success and peace as you move forward in your decision this year, and courage to consider a change if you end up feeling like that would be best. It’s hard to make these decisions for sure! I know you’ll ultimately do what you think is best for your family. xoxo!
Emily
Although our family has never felt called to homeschool our kids, there have been times that I’ve entertained the idea solely for the flexibility of schedule. But then I think about my ENFP self trying to manage planning the curriculum and actually following through with teaching it and I KNOW that homeschooling is not the best decision for me or my kiddos. I’m sure it’s harder to walk away from when it’s something that you really wanted to do and had such high hopes for, but as a fellow xNFP mama, I whole-heartedly support and affirm you and your family’s decision for this season of your lives!! Bless you as you complete the last stages of your move and send your sweet kiddos off for their first day of school.
Beth
Thanks, dear friend. Thanks for your words of affirmation and love. I appreciate you so much. xoxo!!
Serena
It’s so hard when life doesn’t go the way we plan it. Im a huge planner and I’m learning to let go of my plans and embrace the plans God has for my family. It sound like you are on a similar journey. I know you guys well enough to know that you and Chris are always going to do what you believe God wants for your family,. Don’t let anyone else’s expectations including your own ever get in the way of that. I know my own expectations are often the hardest things to let go of. I think that considering all the life changes you guys are going through, this is a wise decision, and I’m proud that you were able to do the hard thing and embrace that. Remember that God promises to walk before us, and I know that He has been doing that for yr family all this time and will continue to do so as you step out in faith in this new area of your kids schooling. Terry and I are praying for you and Chris as you make this move, and we will add your kids schooling to that prayer list. Your going to make an awesome public school mom!!! =)
Beth
Yup, it’s certainly hard to let go of our own plans. That’s an understatement! Of course we’re trying to make the best choice for our kids… thanks for knowing and affirming that. I also really appreciate your encouragement about God going before us. It’s true in all situations, and I sometimes forget that. Thanks for your prayers… hope to see you guys again sometime when we are back in the area for a visit! xo
Stephanie
I so love your honesty Beth. That’s what makes this blog so helpful to other moms. I don’t know my personality type officially, but by your description I’m betting we’re pretty similar. That whole comment about internalizing the emotions around you…..ya I’ve been figuring out that’s me recently. I so wish I could talk to your counselor!! I wanted to home-school, but I knew I couldn’t do it with twins at home. In reality I don’t think I could have done it with any younger kids at home who also needed my attention. The alone time is what I needed and as selfish as that felt, I’m starting to realize it is part of my personality. The first day my 3 kids stepped on that bus and headed to school, I started to remember what it was to be me, and it felt great. I am still very involved in their education and teach them random things whenever they let me. My intention at the moment is to take them out before middle school (starting in gr. 5 here) and home school them at least until High School. I’m starting to think I can deal with that age better and it lets me start in stages without being distracted by the younger ones. Of course those dreams may change as well. I hope you kids love their new school and teachers. God Bless your move!
Beth
I am SO SO SO glad that you were self-aware enough to realize from the start what you needed to allow you to be the best mom you could be to your kids. That’s so small thing, and I think it’s something that’s sorely under-appreciated in our culture. Some would rather us work ourselves ragged with no thought for our own self-care, resulting in a burnt out mom with nothing left to give. It’s not a good option, though, and too many women learn that lesson the hard way.
Thanks for the encouragement, my friend! xo
Sally W.
Wow. I applaud you for being truthful in admitting that you are choosing to send your kids to public school so that you can grow a bigger blog. I don’t agree with it, but your honesty is refreshing amid the others who would make excuses that may sound better.
I do question the timing. One of the many benefits for us is that when other things in life are upheaved our schooling doesn’t have to be…it’s so nice in the face of transitions like moves. I really can’t imagine rocking their world to put them in school for a few weeks only to move them to another school so soon, I hope your “me time” is worth it.
Michelle
Wow, Sally, this comment sounds very judgemental.
It sounds like you’re saying she’s choosing other things OVER her family. But I think in reality they are choosing what’s best FOR their family at this time (because of finances, sanity and other things as well.)
Sally W.
Exactly, she said herself that it was to have time to grow her blog, and then later because she needs more me time because of her personality. Every family has their own priorities though and not every family is meant to homeschool.
Beth
Yes, exactly. Thank for getting it, Michelle. xo.
Emily
Sally, you obviously did not read very carefully because 1. She says clearly that her decision is as much about her personality as it is about her family’s financial situation. and 2. She specifically states that they are moving in two weeks and then her kids start school on Sept. 8th, so there’s no need for you to worry a bit about them putting their kids in one school for a few weeks and then pulling them out to move them to a different school. I feel bad that your lack of “me-time” has made you so judgy and critical of other people’s personal family decisions.
Erin@The Humbled Homemaker
Standing ovation on this comment, Emily! Sally, I am going to choose to pray for you instead of get mad at you. From your comments on my blog and this one, it is clear your heart is struggling with bitterness and envy. Your passive aggressiveness is not kind or loving to your sister in Christ. I hope you can have confidence in your decision to homeschool without condemning and cutting down those who the Lord has led in a different direction.
Stephanie
This response has been bothering me all night and I feel I need to say something even if only Beth ever reads it.
I question whether you really read the entire post or just skimmed it. Yes, she was planning to grow her blog bigger, but it was to support her family in their dreams. A very noble reason in my opinion. Now it is also a decision based on her personality type and recent stress level. I know first hand that high stress does not make you a better mom and that this “me-time” you seem to turn your nose up at actually can make you a better mom. And isn’t that what we all truly want??
Someone has already pointed out the fact that they will not have to start school before the move, so that is a non-issue. Also, how do you know her kids are not excited about the move and starting school. You should be able to tell from her blog posts that she thinks things through very thoroughly and would not make a decision if she didn’t think it was the best fit for her family at this time.
There, now I’ve got that off my chest. I never do this, but I really had to say something this time!
Sally W.
She said that when they moved they would withdraw their registration at their current place and move it with them. I’m sorry if I misunderstood something there.
I’m not being judgmental, just sharing an opinion that’s different from hers. It’s always amazing to me that bloggers want comments, but what they really want is 15 people to tell them they are right about everything and that’s just ridiculous. People can have different opinions. I like a lot of what Beth posts which is why I follow her blog. I just don’t agree with putting a blog before your family. I think the problem with our society is that so many mothers see raising children and keeping a home as a burden that needs to be escaped from. It’s a matter of heart. When we come to see that keeping a home and raising children are the blessed calling of the Lord, it makes so much difference in our attitudes and the things that we do.
However, when a mother sees her children and teaching them as a burden, I absolutely think the best thing to do is to forego homeschooling and send them to public school because that is best for the child at that point. She said herself that she resented homeschooling to an extent because of her personality like someone mentioned in a reply to me. And that she didn’t give it her all or ensure that her children were receiving a proper education, so I do agree that it’s probably best for her kids to be in public school. And she can enjoy hours of me time every day and hopefully get enough of a break from her children that she can be recharged enough to give them the affection and attention that they deserve when they do come home from school.
Beth
Hi Sally,
I wasn’t going to say anything because some others have done a great job in responding already. But I think there are a few key points that you are clearly misunderstanding, or misjudging.
– We have our kids registered at our current local school, but the school year hasn’t started yet. You have to register before they actually go. When we move, it will still be before the school year starts, so they will only ever attend one school this year. Furthermore, when we are able to buy a new house down the road (we are renting for now because we didn’t have time to buy in such a short time frame), we will do our best to buy in the same school district. Our kids have been through more changes and moves than you know, which is exactly why their stability and emotional health are of utmost importance to us, the parents. I have wept and agonized for the tough times they’ve been through with the many changes in their lives (sometimes, that’s just the way life goes), and you can be assured that we make decisions based on what we think is best for them, and for our family as a whole unit. That’s not just our opinion. That’s a fact.
– Your comments most definitely came across as judgmental, as well as snarky. You weren’t sharing an opinion. An opinion is something like “Blue is a better colour than red” or “Liberals are better than conservatives” or “America needs more gun control”. Those are opinions about knowable concepts. You don’t know my kids or my family, so you cannot possibly form a valid opinion on what is best for my kids.
– You can only know what I’ve shared here, and if you have questions, you should feel free to ask them. If you’d do things differently in your own family, then by all means – do things differently. But it kinda doesn’t work to tell me that I’m doing it wrong for my own family. You simply cannot (and do not) know that.
A few things that you said:
“It’s always amazing to me that bloggers want comments, but what they really want is 15 people to tell them they are right about everything and that’s just ridiculous.”
If you have such a judgmental view of bloggers, why do you read them in the first place? I love comments because I love knowing that someone is listening and is responding to what I wrote. Call me crazy, but I enjoy not feeling like I’m talking to a wall.
I never said I wanted everyone to tell me that I’m right. When I post things that you have the basis for a valid opinion to share, feel free to have at ‘er. Agree, disagree, go ahead. If you have experience or knowledge on something (I’ve written lots of controversial topics and you’re welcome to share your opinion there), and you disagree, shout it from the rooftops. But when I share a personal story about a personal decision we’ve made for our children (who you don’t know), I’m thinking that you just don’t have a legit basis to tell me that I’m doing it wrong.
You said: “you are choosing to send your kids to public school so that you can grow a bigger blog. I don’t agree with it, but your honesty is refreshing amid the others who would make excuses that may sound better.”
I think you’re missing the point here, and you seem to have some kind of chip on your shoulder about big blogs. This blog is my income. If I went and worked a “regular” part-time job out of the house, it would be a waste of time because I have more income-earning potential here. By “disagreeing” with growing a bigger blog for income, you’re basically saying that you disagree with me working to help provide for my family’s needs: things like groceries, and gas for our 10-year-old minivan. I’m not sure why you’d disagree with that.
You said: “I just don’t agree with putting a blog before your family. I think the problem with our society is that so many mothers see raising children and keeping a home as a burden that needs to be escaped from. It’s a matter of heart. When we come to see that keeping a home and raising children are the blessed calling of the Lord, it makes so much difference in our attitudes and the things that we do.”
Do you also disagree with the husband working to provide an income? If not, then what you’re really saying is that you disagree with the wife working at all. Let’s just get that out there.
You said that I resent teaching my children and see them as a burden.
Nope. I didn’t.
You said: “I hope your “me time” is worth it.”
This is laughable. “Me time” is actually the last thing on my list, and has been for a very long time (hello, burnout!). The disparaging tone that you write this is interesting to me. I wonder what it is that makes you so disdainful of self-care? Anyway, this decision had nothing to do with “me time”. Besides the fact that I’ll still have a 3-year-old at home with me, working from home has absolutely nothing to do with “me time”. Any work-at-home mama would laugh hysterically at this, because they know exactly what I mean.
Saying that my personality struggles played a part in affirming this decision might have been where you got tripped up. I’m not sure. I have nothing to apologize for, here. Financial struggle led us to this decision, and a number of other factors helped to confirm that it was the right choice, including the fact that the struggles I have with being a homeschool mom (at this stage of life with our other stressors considered) have led me to the understanding that I can be a better mom this year if we make this choice. So we did.
One last thing – my daughter is looking forward to school with such fervent excitement that if I were to tell her that she can’t go after all, she’d basically die in a puddle of disappointment. My son is trepidatiously looking forward to it, but also is really nervous. We’re dealing with it appropriately.
I do hope that helps to explain where we’re coming from a bit more, and helps to assuage any doubts you (for whatever reason) may have.
At the end of the day, we’re all trying to do our best as parents, and I’d invite you to try to remember that next time before rushing to judgment. I value your contribution, and I welcome you sharing your thoughts… I’m just wondering if perhaps they could have been shared with a little more kindness and respect.
Have a great Wednesday, Sally.
xo, B
Beth
Stephanie – thank-you so much for these words. I appreciate you!! xo
Judy
Way back when… my kids are grown now, I considered home schooling. My oldest daughter went to many schools because we moved so much. She is the best socialized child I have. She has a strong personality and is very smart. She got along everywhere – and still does. She left home for college at 18 and never came back. My son was in public school for awhile but, did not do any work. I feel there were too many kids, and teachers tried to peg him but couldn’t. He could have been forgotten, except for me. We changed to a charter school – small classes, parent volunteers. It was great, he got the attention he needed. My youngest daughter spent all her school years in a charter school. She was afraid to go to a public school – too many kids. She did very well in school.
I’m not the teacher type. When I wanted to have children, my first thought was- Oh, yuck, they have to go to school! (I just hate those take home projects.) Yes, that was the worst part about me raising kids, but it’s over now. I think the most important thing is socialization. If you can get it with other homschoolers, great. Schools should be judged individually, though. It’s not out of your control. There’s some wonderful teachers out there that you won’t want to miss!
Another thing I know now about myself is, I have a need to be different than everyone else, perhaps feel superior. My thoughts about homeschooling were more like, how can I raise my kids better than anyone else, we’re so special, etc. Me and my big ego! There was also fear. I went to Catholic school for 12 years. I was afraid of the public schools in Detroit in the 60’s, kids out of control. So that’s where I’m coming from.
Whatever you do, I know will be best for them. They will have so many wonderful new experiences at school!
Beth
It sounds like you did an absolutely amazing job of being attentive to your children’s needs and tweaking plans accordingly. You also seem like a very self-aware person, and I’m sure that this fact has served your children well in their growing up years. Also – stories like yours about grown kids that “turned out ok” give me so much hope. Kids are resilient in the face of big life changes, and a loving and caring home is really the number one thing, isn’t it? Thanks for sharing, Judy. xo.
Whitney
INFP here. Maybe that’s why I struggle so. But I’m still clenching hard to that dream. The freedom to go where we want and do school everywhere. I don’t know that I’m ready to give that up just yet. But I’m tired and stressed trying to make the blog and homeschooling work. It tends to be one or the other. It breaks my heart to think about sending my oldest to public school. But I know she would thrive. She loves people. Thank you for sharing your heart. Have fun with the girls this weekend!!
Whitney
Oh, and we thought we would living overseas right now. I’m still dealing with that death of dream. ❤️
Beth
I completely understand this one. Hugs to you! xoxo.
Erin@The Humbled Homemaker
Ditto on the overseas part…something I have in common with both of you! I think it’s made coming home from our international trip this summer really hard. 🙁 Whitney, I pray the Lord will make VERY clear to you and Ron the next steps as far as schooling goes! I’m the extroverted version of you ladies, and I can so relate to a lot of what Beth said! So glad I get to have a girls’ weekend (or middle-of-the-week with W) with BOTH of you within the next two months!! 🙂
Beth
I so get where you are right now. I just pray for a peace in whatever decision you end up making, this year, and in years to come. I know that you will do what you think is best for your family! (And thanks for the fun weekend wishes. You’re too sweet!!) xoxo!
Kariane
I think it takes true strength to stand up and say, “I changed my mind.” Different seasons of life call for different approaches. I think it’s wonderful and important to keep reassessing if you’re on the right path. I do it all the time.
We homeschool our two boys, ages 6 and 2. For now it is the right path for us. 🙂
Beth
Thank you for that affirmation, Kariane. Your words are so very much appreciated! xo. I totally agree that it’s important to continually reassess. These things are not always black and white forever, you know? Thanks for your comment. xo.
Janee
There is a season for everything. When I adopted my two oldest my ideal was to be a stay at home mom and homeschool them when they were old enough. Well, I found out very quickly this was not going to work for me and the oldest went the next fall to our public schools pre-K program, the younger into part time day care, while I went back to work teaching a few classes at the local University. The oldest was diagnosed with ODD (oppositional defiance disorder) and my personality type and childhood issues could not handle being at home with her. One of us wasn’t going to make it!
We then proceeded the next year to a private Christian school only to wander around between public and private several times before finally homeschooling. Each change was a necessary one at the time-well thought out, and what was best for our family in that season. We eventually ended up homeschooling when the girls were in late elementary/junior high and my youngest was in pre-school. My oldest now has her GED (age 17) and working while the younger two are still homeschooled. They are both older and homeschooling is relatively easy. I make it easy with the youngest because all he absolutely needs is to learn to read, write, and cypher. The rest is gravy and self motivated. My middle is in high school this year and mostly just needs guidance rather than constant supervision. It’s working right now. Last year though I had to send the oldest to PS because she refused to learn. Lets just say it was a great motivator to earn her GED and move onto real life.
All this to say I applaud you for being flexible and willing to change as it becomes apparent what is best for your family. This willingness to do so will serve you well and your children will be just fine no matter how they get their education. I love your honesty as that is a trait I value highly. I’ve enjoyed reading your blog for a while now. Keep it up!!
Beth
Thank you so much for sharing your story, Janee. This is exactly the type of story that perfectly helps to calm my doubts and fears – hearing from someone who has kids that have gone through these sorts of transitions, and made it out successfully “on the other side”. It sounds like you were an amazing and attentive mom with a willingness to do whatever it took (including changing your plans) for your kids to thrive. I admire that, and hope to do the same! xoxo!
JC
Wow, 2 years have gone by fast. I have an update. God told me to sent my younger two children back to school last year. My second child (now 17) went to the public high school just as my older one did 2 years before her. She was unwilling to learn at home and as it turned out unwilling to learn in public school. She is now in the Youth Challenge Academy at a nearby military base working towards her GED in a quasi-military environment. She is working hard and loves the program even though she struggles with the attitudes of the other cadets. They are giving her the structure and motivation she needs to learn as well as encouragement and a way to prove to herself she is very capable. My son (age 10) went to the local small Christian school my daughters attended when they were little. He absolutely loves it. He’s made great friends, loves his teacher, and has come out of his shell with such confidence. It has truly been the best thing for both of my kids. It was also the best things for me as well only I didn’t know it until I was alone again for hours at a time. I’ve had much needed time to do some emotional healing. So many new doors have opened in the past few months and my life is full of amazing people!! A new season has begun!! Someday we may end up homeschooling again for one reason or another and I will be ready if its needed but for now this is what is working for us. God bless you. I hope your public school journey has been a good. one!
Joy
Oh, my dear Beth – you have such a beautiful heart. Not to condescend or anything, but I’m so proud of you for making this brave decision! Our family’s educational path is so similar to yours – we homeschooled for our oldest’s first 3 years, then switched to public school. Homeschooling drove me to the brink of insanity (though much of it was really great) and sharing the responsibility for my kiddos’ education was one of the biggest burdens I ever felt lifted off my shoulders. We’re 2 years in to our public school journey, and it’s been wonderful. It’s really hard to make a shift in how you see yourself and your life, but things are always changing and the sooner we get to be ok with that fact, the better for all of us 🙂 Bless you, Friend.
Beth
Joy! Your comments are always such an encouragement to me. You are such a lovely friend, and I’m glad to know you. Also, it’s good to hear that you switched and have enjoyed it. I love hearing from others who’ve traveled similar roads. xoxo.