Warning: this post is longer than the longest thing in the world. I should have split it up, but I didn’t want to. You’ve been forewarned.
Hey Pretty Mama, in your yoga pants and ponytail, slamming back the coffee like it’s magic (which it totally is). I’m terrified to write this letter, if I’m being honest. I have been wanting to share my story with you for so long, but have been much too scared to speak, for many reasons.
There are so many wars fought in the name of The Best Way in baby-rearing.
When you become a parent for the first time you generally catch on pretty quickly that you’re supposed to stake your flag into one side or the other. Pick a side, join a camp, wear team colours proudly. Follow your instincts, they say at first! And also… our Ten Convincing Reasons We’re Right! handout, these biased pamphlets, and this expert… and that one, too.
I arrived at this fork in the road while pregnant with my first child, reading everything I could get my hands on. Mostly on the internet, because hello: 21st century, right? Message boards, blog posts, websites of psychologists and child development theorists, friends and family, and around and around again like a never-ending merry-go-round of opinions and information, until I fell off in a dizzy heap. Instincts? I thought to myself. You mean this glassy-eyed feeling of confusion and panic is not normal? Huh.
So, I read stuff. I collected information and shoved it into my over-crowded brain like a clown car at a circus. I talked it out with my husband regularly. Of course, it was all still theory at this point. Our only child was still relatively easy, being still in the womb and stuff. One day while driving somewhere I gave him the introduction, 3 point argument, and conclusion for why I had decided to shack up with Camp A. Then, the next day I’d read something else equally convincing for the other side and become my own devil’s advocate, convinced that Camp B was, in fact, the way to go.
I flip-flopped back and forth like that for weeks. Months, actually. Struggling back and forth constantly with this decision is one of the biggest defining memories from my first pregnancy, and in the end I never felt completely settled one way or another.
The decision that plagued me most and caused me the most anguish was sleep-training. The idea of crying it out versus, well… not crying-it-out. It seemed to be all parents talked about: the fact that they were so freaking exhausted, and how to deal.
I had several great friends at the time who offered advice and recommendations for books and resources. So I nabbed one of the books and started reading. It explained the scientific basis of the importance of sleep. Basically, your child must get enough sleep or he will morph into a tiny evil frankenstein at night, murder your every hope of happiness, and then probably end up in prison or dead.
Ok, it may not have outlined it exactly like that, but I do recall becoming quite terrified about the number of hours in which my kid was snoozing, and thus quite willing to do whatever the book told me to do in order for him to sleep the appropriate amount of time. The book advocated the cry-it-out method if establishing a strict schedule did not “work” first.
Then, one sunny September afternoon, I gave birth. I am sure beyond a shadow of a doubt that the earth hung in limbo for a tiny second as he came into it. There was before, and then there was after. I was profoundly and irrevocably changed in a cosmic and mysterious way.
We were exhausted, of course. We had missed a night of sleep while labouring, then, you know, I did the whole giving birth thing, and here was this shiny and plump little red-faced creature with teeny whisps of dark hair all over his head. I held his bare body on my bare chest and wrapped my hospital gown around us both, unsure of what to do now that I could no longer shield him from the world with just my body.
We spent a night at the hospital, then came home, thrilled and terrified. That first night was hell. We spent every minute of the whole night getting him to sleep – nursing, rocking, diapering… and laying him in his cradle a foot from my head. He took a solid fifteen-second nap each time, then woke up and wanted to snuggle again. I bet you missed me, didn’t you, mama? Here I am!
My mom had said to call in the morning if we needed anything, so at 6:01am, I phoned her, choking back sniffling sobs of sheer wall-slammed exhaustion as I mumbled something not-really coherent. She came over that day, and I remember falling into her arms as she hugged me, and I choked back weeping tears as despair flooded over me. I had never been so exhausted in my entire life, and little did I know it was going to get worse before it got better.
It continued like that for months as the little brown-eyed treasure – with whom we were hopelessly in love – proved himself to be a spirited child right from the start. He would not sleep in his crib, in a carseat, in a cradle, in a swing, or on anything other than a warm and snuggly body, for more than an hour, maybe? I question that because it’s mostly a horrific blur of panicked survival.
I don’t recall specifics, but I do recall the terror. Wondering if I was going to actually survive. Wondering if you could die of sleep deprivation, or if I’d be the mom that went off the deep end and actually ended up harming her child. I was probably dealing with some undiagnosed postpartum depression as well: I remember an evening when he was 9 months and I was more or less just as exhausted as ever, and as I sat there in that yellow room bathed in the glow of a nightlight, rocking him to sleep yet again. I thought about what it would be like to toss him out the bedroom window. I pictured it happening in my mind, and pictured the scenario in a somewhat detached mindset.
I somehow knew that there was no real danger at hand, but I do recall vividly the feeling of despair and hopelessness. One night at small group Bible study (where we were the only ones with a baby) someone asked me a basic question (nothing hard – it was something inane and simple) and I struggled to make the words come out of my mouth beyond nonsensical syllables. The sentence was formed in my head, but the gears in my brain were so exhausted that they were not even able to get my mouth to form a coherent sentence. I remember feeling humiliated and stupid after muddling through the answer, before clamming up the rest of the evening. There was a constant haze that surrounded my brain, making me feel stupid and out of it, for most of that first year.
By the time he was 3.5 months, we were desperate. In fact, I think that’s putting it lightly. I was ill-equipped to deal with the level of exhaustion that we experienced. In fact, I recall many a time using that as the basis of a light joke when people would ask the awful question, “So, is he sleeping through the night yet?”. I’d respond with “No, not really. We’re pretty tired these days. Now we know why they use sleep deprivation as a torture tactic in terrorism!” Ha ha, how cute – so hyperbolic and witty! Except that I was so serious…
Slowly but surely, the flag that my instincts had led me to plant in Camp A became uprooted as we began the trek over to the other side. The instincts that told me that my baby’s desire to be with me was completely natural and healthy were told to shut up the eff up, and sit down. The instinct for survival was greater, and I thought that the only way to do that was to change camps. So we did.
To this day, as he is 5.5 years old, my heart is utterly broken and grieved by what we did next. At 3.5 months old, we let him “cry it out”. According to the cry-it-out experts, most babies will need to cry for just a short while – 10 minutes or so – before falling asleep and sleeping for the longest stretch of their lives thus far. The SUPER important issue, however, is to never, ever, EVER give in and go to him. Because then he’ll think he’s won, he can manipulate you, and you’re sunk.
The books I read encouraged parents to let the baby cry for as long as it needed to, and one of the books even said that if the baby vomited, to leave it, and change the sheets the next morning.
This is the number one biggest regret of my entire life, for which I am sick and ashamed: In desperation, we let that sweet baby boy scream and wail and cry for for three hours. He screamed hysterically for three hours as we played board games in the basement to get away from the sound, with the baby monitor turned down. I’m not sure which ached more: my full breasts or my heart weeping with sorrow. This went for several nights and then the length began to shorten ever so slightly. I thought I had no choice. I thought it was our last resort.
Eventually, something happened and we stopped, because it so clearly was not working the way it was “supposed to”. We tried so hard to obey the advice, to do it “right”, to find relief from our desperate exhaustion and become better parents in the process. That didn’t happen. I don’t recall the specifics of how and when and where from then on, with regard to his sleeping habits. It has mostly been blocked from my memory. I just know that no benefit whatsoever came from that decision, and I will regret it to the very core of my being, until the day I die.
As I type this, sitting in bed late at night, he’s asleep beside me, between his Daddy and I. He has his own bed, but always ends up in ours in the middle of the night. We don’t mind a single bit, and we cherish the moments that he sleeps beside us as we get to kiss his soft head and cheeks, while the last bits of his babyhood rapidly fade away for good.
He struggles with falling asleep on his own now. He prefers to have us close by in the same room. If you ask me, I’ll tell you straight up that yes, I do think that’s a residual effect of what he went through as a baby. The high levels of stress and panic that flooded his infant brain were not healthy, and have likely affected him in ways we’ll never fully understand. I sit in his darkened room as he falls asleep, sometimes right on my lap, and I cradle his gangly limbs as they hang off my lap in all directions, and I kiss his head and face, and whisper lovey-doveys in his ears. I will do it every night of my life until he says he doesn’t need it anymore – when he decides he’s ready to take that next step of independence.
I want you to know, dear sweet sleep-deprived mama, that I get it. I so get the exhaustion, the desperation, the feeling like the fog will never, ever lift, and the despair. I also want you to know that it will get better. One day, down the road, that sweet baby will sleep a little longer, then a little longer, and then on and on it goes, until you wake up one day and marvel that a new stage is at hand, and look – you survived after all.
And here: I’ll tell you some facts I wish someone had told me back then:
— Babies are biologically designed to be near their caregivers for survival, and as such aren’t usually super fond of sleeping all alone in the dark.
— Sleeping through the night is defined as a 5-hour stretch, and the whole sleeping 12 hours thing doesn’t happen until toddlerhood or later, for the majority of healthy and normal children.
— Co-sleeping can be done safely and effectively, and has been shown to decrease the rate of SIDS as well as getting better sleep for both mother and baby.
— Letting a baby CIO can have long-lasting negative effects on a child’s brain chemistry.
— The CIO method will also likely not “work” at all for a certain subset of children who are defined as “spirited children” (such as our sweet boy.) Their brains are just wired differently, and CIO will probably not work at all.
So why was this such a terrifying story to tell? I guess for fear of being condemned (God knows I’ve done that enough for myself). I also don’t want you to read this as a judgment or pronouncement on an entire camp or way of thinking. I have my opinions, of course, but that’s not the story I wanted to tell.
I simply share because I want the mama who feels that pressure to sleep-train to know that’s it’s ok to choose not to do it. It’s ok to listen to your instincts to go to your baby when he cries. It’s ok to cry from exhaustion and not know how you’re going to survive the day ahead. It’s ok to try new things and read books and think and pray and agonize and muddle through it all like a couple of total dummies. At the end of the day you have a tiny creature who depends on you for their very life. Your bond is unstoppable and your love is all-consuming. Let that be your guide.
Trust that mama-heart that God gave you, and snuggle your sweet little baby. Rock him to sleep and kiss his soft head. Drink an extra cup of coffee and call a friend. Make it through another day, one single hour at a time. You can and you will survive.
So much love to you, dear one.
xo,
B.
Sam
I never let my eldest cry it out but at four she still requires me to stay with her until she is asleep and sleep with her at night so don’t feel like that is your fault with your son.
And now I have terrible sleepers again except it’s twins… haven’t had more than one hour in 6 months!! but I know it will get better… hopefully!!
Mama K
Thank you for this. I have struggled so much with my almost one year old and getting her to rest well. Its so challenging and everywhere I get the CIO advice but after 20 seconds her cry is heartwrenching so I could never actually experience it. My heart goes out to you because just like all of us mothers on here who give maximum care and concern for their babies, you were only doing what you thought was right at the time. I love you and God be with you and your children forever.
Gyen
My story with my first baby is similar, except we tried the CIO method for over a week. Same pattern every single day: cry for two hours, fall asleep gasping, wake up after fifteen minutes and cry for another 45, at which point it was time to nurse again! Inevitably, she’d fall asleep nursing, not totally full, and wake up hungry and crying after another 15 minutes. Round and round we went. Finally, I just started nursing her wherever and wherever, held her while she slept, and lived with a messy house and not enough clean clothes for awhile.
Fast forward 23 years and eight more babies. None of them ever cried it out again, because I’d learned my lesson! For the first six months, my babies don’t sleep without touching someone. As soon as I had older kids, they were begging to hold the sleeping baby, which is the sweetest thing ever. And also made my life easier because of the extra hands, though I didn’t plan it that way!
Bree
I’m so happy I stumbled across this article. I’ve spent 4 hours now researching and trying to find anyone else who shared my guilt.
Last night, I was so exhausted and fed up that I left my 4 1/2 month old CIO for FIVE hours.
A little background, my husband is military, infantry actually, so he’s gone for the better part of our lives. It’s just me here with the kids and a puppy. My oldest, 5 year old son, is moderately low functioning, non verbal autistic. He, alone, is difficult. My baby boy has colic, lactose and soy intolerances, gas issues, GERD, you name it and he’s got it.
The crying is endless. I’ve bought every single item on the market that’s supposed to be a holy grail for soothing colic with the promises of “your baby will sleep through the night guaranteed!” All to no avail. He wakes up throughout the night, I usually go to him immediately, change his diaper, give him gas drops, massage his belly, feed and burp and he ends up finishing the night in bed with me. Mostly squirming and fidgety so the sleep I do get isn’t high quality sleep. It doesn’t help I’m up at the crack of dawn every morning regardless of if that’s when I’ve finally gotten the baby to fall back asleep so I can get my older son dressed, Fed, school and lunch bag packed and loaded up in the car and shuffled across town 30 mins away for his therapy. Every day, the same schedule.
I hate to admit lately I’ve also had dark thoughts. I picked my son up in one of his crying fits and stared at him and just envisioned shaking him until it stopped. I would never hurt my child, I know myself very well but even having those thoughts disturbs me and further drives in the idea that I’m some kind of monster and horrible mommy. I feel bad because I’m doing all I can to help him and my best doesn’t seem to be cutting it. I know this is temporary and that’s what I tell myself to get by. I don’t have friends or family who could help or even know how to help because I’m convinced no one in this world is as patient with my kids as I am. And they are both most comfortable with me so I don’t believe anyone could help anyways as they would be searching for me the entire time and upset if I was nowhere to be found.
I’m so overwhelmed from guilt that I let him cry so long off and on by himself. I know he must’ve been so scared and wasn’t sure what was going on because he’s never been left to cry before. I held him in my arms for hours after dropping my older one off at his therapy and googled for any other mother who did the same and felt as terrible as I’m feeling as my little man snoozed away in my other arm.
Thank you for sharing. It takes guts to be able to come clean with parenting mistakes and I know how you were feeling. I’ll never let it happen again. CIO isn’t natural and it’s most certainly not a helpful technique with my spirited baby. Like you, I’ll always carry that guilt and it’s a sickening feeling.
Sarah S
I’m in a similar boat but not in such rocky waters. I have a 21 month old and a 4.5 month old. I think this is a great article! BUT there’s only one kid. What do you do with a non-sleeping baby – just psychologically traumatize your toddler who doesn’t understand why mommy seems to spend all her time with the baby? And what if your baby doesn’t co-sleep well? When we cosleep, I always have a fussy, unrested baby. He’s unhappy, I’m too tired to be the best mom ever – I can’t pick a side. They both are a terrible place to be but one seems to last longer.
Sydney
Oh Beth, your story is beautiful because it’s real and so similar to what I’ve experienced. Unfortunately, when I gave birth my baby, I also tried to cope with sleeping using the CIO … Just like you, I went trough the nightmare, I had terrible remorse. Searching for the solution I found the HWL method from Susan Urban, which helps in sleep training for Nick. Regarding your conclusions, I thought the same way that a child doesnt sleep all night until a certain age. It turned out that I was wrong. The parent should take care to teach the child to fall asleep alone and this can be done from the third month. As I got her guide “How teach a baby to fall asleep alone” then Nick was 5 months old. I studied her tutorial and started to work. Nick after 7 days began to sleep all night!!! What a relief it was! Now I know that such a routine and long sleep improve the health and development of a baby, without CIO and harm to baby. That’s why girls I recommend you to check this guide, it makes no sense getting tired yourself and your kids. Beth, I wanted to tell you that is the first time I went to your blog and I think that you are a very charming person. Greetings!
Jackie Saunders
I love you. Thank you for writing this.
Alexis Treadwell
This brought tears to my eyes. I’m so sorry you let your baby cry for three hours straight! I can’t imagine how terrible that must of been for all if you but I thank you for being brave enough to share. My 20 week old is currently snuggled next to me in our bed. I nurse to sleep most of the time and have tried to get him to sleep alone in his room. When he was swaddled it was no problem but once he started rolling over and became more aware of being alone he prefers to sleep and wake up to his mom and DAd in bed. Your post confirmed me following my instincts to be right. I always try and put him down alone and sometimes he’s good for a few hours other nights he’s not. Your words are letting me know it’s all ok. So thank you again!
Ami
I know there are already over 200 comments on this post, but I just needed to stop by and give you a huge thank you. I stumbled across your post when I googled “christian perspective breastfeeding to sleep.” Your story mirrors my own struggles in so many ways. Our baby is 4 months old and definitely a spirited little guy. Sleep has become a challenge mainly because I feel the pressure to not let him nurse to sleep. I have felt from the very beginning that cry it out will not be best for this baby. I think if we were to try it with our son we’d be in the exact place you were. And thank you also for being open and honest about the feelings that you could be the mom who goes “overboard” and harms her child– I have been so frightened and appalled by the that these possibilities even enter my thought process. And I have heaped condemnation on myself for such thoughts. My husband wisely pointed out that this is likely spiritual warfare. – another way for the enemy to attack my heart- “See you are a horrible mom. How could you ever have such thoughts?” But I remind myself of the gospel- I run to Christ for grace. I run to him knowing he has put a new heart within me. I run to him knowing that he gives help when I am overwhelmed. I could keep rambling on, but I’ll just say again. Thank you for providing hope. Thank you for affirming that it is a good and beautiful thing to follow my God given instincts.- After all he is the one who guides and gives wisdom as we parent our little boy.
Jessica
My ex, my daughter’s father, is currently incarcerated. He has been for the entirety of her short little 13 month life. So, when he called last week and asked why I sounded frustrated, he only made it worse. I told him our daughter was refusing to take a nap. I finally had her taking a nap two times a day, an actual real schedule. And it took me 13 months to get there!! But the weekend comes around, and it’s completely undone. Rinse/repeat every week. So, after a few hours of my daughter defiantly stumbling around the house, I was feeling so tired and frustrated. His response? “She needs to cry it out eventually.” For someone who has never even spent 5 seconds with her to tell me she NEEDS to CIO… Nope. Maybe it really does work for some babies, but I think it’s just like every other facet of parenting in that no two things are the same. The things being the babies, here. My daughter refused a pacifier, never sucks her thumb, won’t cuddle anything (including me
:(..), and hates blankets.
Kathy
You had our experience nearly verbatim. I never allowed myself to think about harming my baby but I could see how others might. At 3 months we hired a postpartum doula for a few hours just so I could learn to more effectively get her to sleep for naps and find a rhythm and sanity. Hike-it-baby was my main outlet after my daughter turned 5 months old, she always slept better on hike days. At 8-9 months we tried a modified pick up put down approach that was terrible with our little ones temperament. MOdified it to just being in the room singing sometimes for over an hour before she was so exhausted she’d sleep with that awful gasping whimper for 2-3 hours later. In a one bedroom apartment, that meant no one slept for that first sleep cycle whether from smoke, guilt, or just the inconsistent sounds she’d make in her crib. By 1 year I broke down and we started bedsharing and nursing to sleep. Now 2 and 7 months and in a bigger home she doesn’t want any of that changing! I end up getting her to sleep and if I don’t fall asleep with her, I anxiously attempt to sleep in another room with monitor right near my head. Most of the time, like tonight I don’t fall truely to sleep until she needs me again sometimes at 2am! but I find I am trying to retrain myself to sleep without her because of my mild sleep apnea that occasionally weeks her and increases both of our sleep deprivation and night nursing.
Kathy
Sorry for all the typos I meant “shock” where I stated “smoke”. Thank you autocorrect ?
Ryan
Here’s another story for those who read this far down in the comments.
Until she was 9 months old, our oldest didn’t cry, she screamed. Like someone slammed her tiny hand in a door. Like someone tossed a baby in a fire. It was deeply disturbing on a biological level, and she was loud enough to hurt your ears when you got close enough to pick her up. We would try to warn people about it, and they still thought we were exaggerating until they heard it for themselves. It was just her default cry, and there was nothing anyone could do about it; she just had to grow out of it. Pardon me if I sound a bit clinical; 9 months of that will put callouses on your soul.
She also didn’t sleep. She had GERD, as far as we could tell, and could cry for hours if we left her. The problem was, holding her had the same result. We could (and often did) spend up to 1 1/2 hours holding, rocking, and soothing her to sleep. When she finally did, it would typically be brief. My wife is a hero, by the way. She didn’t get a break to go to work.
We did find a few things that helped. Propping her up gave better results than lying her flat. With enough time, she could be calmed down (or she would pass out from exhaustion), but all the residual excitement in her little system would wake her again after 15 minutes. Ultimately, we found no difference between holding her or leaving her, so we let her cry. 4 hours once. Granted, we didn’t do that again; it didn’t help any. What did help was letting her cry for 30 minutes, then burping her. She didn’t usually vomit, but she did swallow a lot of air with her fussing, and that was compounding the problem. We would burp her and calm her down, then lay her down for another 30 minutes of crying, and repeat the process. When she started finding it hard to stay awake to fuss when we burped her and calming her didn’t take so long, sleep was near. Sometimes she even stayed asleep.
Sometimes there isn’t a fix. But remember, you have a 100% record surviving hardship.
R&H Assistant
Oh, Ryan. What a story. How is your little girl now?
Love this. <3
Sarah
Thank you so much for writing this. The pressure to sleep train is so hard. I’ve been standing my ground and won’t let my little girl CIO. We’ve even started just telling people she’s sleeping through the night so we don’t have to listen to them tell us to just let her cry. The thought of it truly makes me sick. I really can’t thank you enough. Your words made me cry because it feels like I’m really not alone with my decision. Being a mom is the hardest and most rewarding job I’ve ever had and I’ll take those middle of the night snuggles as long as she’s willing to give them to me.
Peter
Amen
Diidah
Hey I Googled sleep training and vomiting because today I decided to sleep train my one year old princess and it worked in the afternoon after I gave her a very nice bath and a massage, she dint give in though but after 1 hour and thirty minutes, so I decide to try again at night and she cried for about an hour then she started vomiting, I picked her up so quickly coz she was almost checking and I have never been so scared in my life…. For about a minute she couldn’t breath and I don’t think I will ever forgive myself for this ever in my life. Sleep training is such b..s it doesn’t feel right all, and now as she plays with her dad at the corner of the sofa I feel like crying bcoz if anything had happened to her… I wouldnt have survived. Shes so adorable and I just can’t figure out why on earth I was ready to let her cry for days…
R&H Assistant
Oh, Diidah! Try not to be hard on yourself, mama. We’re all doing the best we can. <3 <3
Thomas
I’m a dad of a 10 month old.
Breast fed exclusively.
Mom nearly lost it from exhaustion one day, so I started waking and helping. After one night of two hours of CIO, vomiting and then pooping, I started holding her and comforting her, despite her pushing me away for 15 minutes at the outset.
Never thought I’d be able to put my baby to sleep, but she snuggles right into me most times I go in. She still wakes 2 or 3 times a night and the ONE time DEMANDS to be fed, but every now and then she pulls a 6 or 7 hour stint.
My Favorite line of all time was on one these “Expert” forums about CIO and other methods. The comment read: “My baby has reflux, cries for two hours, vomits and then poops = Your advice fails.”
That sums up my little girl.
We’ve tried it all, and we keep trying more gentler methods, but its gonna boil down to helping one another and accepting this is for our good and His glory.
P.S. I especially love the parents who have extremely lethargic kids saying, “Oh, mine slept from 6pm to 8am from day one.”
Of course they did. Of course they did.
Jesse
Thank you so much for sharing your experience. I have a 5 month old who is definitely what you would call a “high needs” baby. She will only sleep in my arms, day or night, and the longest stretch she will do at night is 2 hours. She won’t settle with her dad, so I spend most of the night awake trying not to be angry at my little girl. We tried letting her cry and after an hour we gave in. A couple weeks later we tried the Baby Whisperer approach, and she cried for almost 2 hours even though I was next to her. I felt like a failure for giving up, but knew it just wasn’t right. So many well-meaning friends and family members have told me that letting her cry is the only way, and as an insecure FTM I believed them. Your post just confirmed that I am not doing anything wrong by letting my baby guide the process, while also being honest about how hard it is. Sleep deprivation is so hard to cope with, but I know I will look back and say that it was worth it.
R&H Assistant
Thank you for sharing your experience, Jesse. It helps to know we’re not alone. <3
sarah
Have any of you all heard of a company called Wink Naturals? It is a fairly new company ad the guy who started this company was a co founder of Zarbees when he was in college! They pride themselves on helping kids sleep with natural remedies. I use it and love it! they have sleep rub, sleep drops and sleep melts!
Ray
I went against my instincts just now after a rough night and numerous mothers telling me they sleep so well at night after letting their baby CIO. I let my 9 month old boy cry for 10 minutes. When I went to him I knew what I did was wrong. It felt wrong. I felt sick and my little boy was not himself. Why do something that my body is telling me isn’t right? I read your article just in time because I am the type of person to regret doing that to him until the day I die. There’s going to be a point where I look at him and wish I could go back and cuddle with him for a few more minutes. I have the luxury of being a stay at home Mom so I’ll choose to spend my time with him and make him happy. Thank you for your article.
R&H Assistant
It can be so hard. Forgive yourself. Trust your instincts and love your little one. That’s all any of us can do. Thank you for sharing. <3
Debbie
Thank you for your articles. I was googling self settling successes stories while allowing my 6 month old to cry it out… all the while feeling guilty inside. I am exhausted and wanted to try it as a last resort.
I stumbled upon Your article and just went and picked her up after 1 hour of crying . Never want to do it again. God forbid me from ever giving in to it.
Thank you and God bless you.
Corrie
Im in tears. This is what I needed to read now. I hate feeling so angry they wont let me sleep- I have seven month old twins and I feel like they just know when I fall asleep and then they want to wake up. They switch too. So tired.
R&H Assistant
<3 <3 <3 Big hugs, mama! I hope they sync up soon.
Subah
I cant tell you.. how relieved i felt as i was reading through your blog. I thought OMG.. so i am not the only one. The sleep deprived exhaustion and crying every night.. is not something only happening to me. I feel remorseful as on more thannone occasion i have literally dumped my LO on the bed and tell her to go hell( :((((((????) and then i would cry sitting beside her for the longest time. My heart aches every time i think about it. My heart broke at the same time for your LO.. as i CANT IMAGINE letting my little Snow flake go through it. If she cries for more than 30 second my instincts are to run towards her and shield her from the world. But reading this has given me strength… one hour at a time.. one day at a time.. as these times are the most precious of my life. Thanks once again
Eleanor
Thank you for writing this. My little girl will turn one next week and I am really struggling with how incredibly demanding she is (all.night.long.) and was looking for solutions. My daughter is most certainly a “spirited” child, and based on what you’ve written, I seriously doubt that CIO would do anything but cause us heartache.
R&H Assistant
My heart goes out to you! Sleep-deprived mamas need all the support they can get. I hope you find a solution that works for you and your baby girl. <3
Natalie Foster
Thank you so much for writing this. I’m reading this as my little baby girl is in her cot still sobbing in her sleep after I tried to let her cry for her nap.
I feel so much pressure to put her in the cot from people around me but when I have her in the bed it feels so natural and we both sleep all night long! You’re article has helped me decide co sleeping is the best thing for our family.
Thank you for sharing and well done to all the mummies who are brave enough to stand up for what they believe in ?
R&H Assistant
<3 <3 <3
Sleep well, mama!
Catalina
Thank you for sharing this, it terrifies me the simple idea to leave my baby crying like that, making her feel sad and alone and stress.
The CIO is old and is bad really, the baby goes to sleep cause his system shuts down, as a self preservation mechanism.
You learn that yourself, and share this bravely.
So you are helping other mamas .
The mama heart always know better, thank you .
I’ll tell you that my little baby girl ( 5 mos) sleep literally on my chest for the whole first month, we already knew she’ll sleep with us ( we got that coo sleeping mattress that goes on the middle of the bed, she didn’t like it) but I just couldn’t help it I wanted her to be tummy to tummy with me .
She sleeps beautifully, now she sleeps on my side ( I always hear her no matter how deeply I’m sleeping), she wakes up for nursing and I change her diaper and she keeps sleeping.
We got our sleeping schedule synchronized ( we even yawn together) and is awesome.
So thank you for sharing, and I wish all the babies in the world get the snuggles they need and never again need to be so scared like that.
Thank you
*please forgive my English ( I’m learning)