Dear Middle-Class America: Guess what? I make my own chicken stock.
I even blogged about it. I buy organic, free-range chicken carcasses to make it with, and that’s pretty well the extent of what I am able to afford from our organic/grass-fed/free-range/humane meat supplier as of late. Yup, we eat a LOT of soup, brown rice, and lentils.
You see, I am a stay-at-home mom. I’m due to give birth to our third beautiful babe any day now, actually. My husband is a new flight instructor and makes approximately minimum wage when his paid vs non-paid hours are all averaged out. We are also slowly paying off significant debt from his flight training costs which finished last summer.
The bottom line? We’re poor.
Honestly, I hate to use that word to describe our situation because it is often used glibly to detract from the harsh realities of third-world poverty, but please know that I mean it only speaking relative to my own culture, and not on a global scale. I am grateful that we are not dying from starvation or lack of shelter, but yes we do have trouble making ends meet every month.
We have been struggling financially ever since two and a half years ago when we quit our (ie. hubby’s) job and moved halfway across the country so that he could pursue his dream career of aviation. It’s been worth it, yes, and it’s been difficult. The last few months have been the roughest so far, and I’ve been desperately avoiding talking about it on my blog because to be perfectly honest – our family and closest friends read my blog, and I know that they will probably either freak out and admonish us for not asking for help, or else just pity us, and I don’t know which is worse. (For the record, living this way is hard, but we are so grateful that God has provided for us and blessed us in so many ways, and don’t regret our choices).
We’ve visited the local food bank twice in the last couple of years (Separate but related rant? The total and complete crap that is handed out at food banks). Once was less than a month ago. I have stood in my kitchen crying into my husband’s shoulder because my stomach was rumbling, grocery money was depleted until the next payday, and I was so damn tired of struggling to figure out something appetizing to make from the random things left in my pantry and fridge. I’ve scrimped and saved and watched sales and planned and packed food for our day trips to the city. I’ve tried dozens of new recipes for beans and lentils. I’ve felt guilty for the cheese I give my kids as an easy snack because $10 for a block of cheese is very expensive when it gets used up in a week. Same with nuts, fruit, and any other nutrient-dense or protein-rich unprocessed snack.
To be totally honest, I’m not completely perfect in my planning and spending habits (who is??), but you can be damned sure that I’m trying my very best to feed my family healthy and nutritious food with as little money as possible.
That is why when I read comments like these ones in response to the question “How do you respond to the idea that organic food is too expensive?”… I get just a *little* fired up. (For starters? For some people it’s not “an idea”, it’s a fact).
The vast majority of the comments left on that status are condescending, sanctimonious, ignorant, and presumptuous, and if I had any stronger words, I’d use them.
Here are some of the comments and my responses to them:
Many, many people snarkily noted that they’d respond by saying that “cancer costs more, duh”, or some variation thereof. Whether you’re talking about actual medical bills (which is not the same for me, living in Canada) or cost of losing your life – the point is the same.
I’d like to address this by saying: of course I know that cancer sucks. Do you think I want cancer? Or any other host of diet-related illnesses? Of course not. Even if I had to pay for medical bills – I can’t very well go cash in on my doctor’s bills from 20 years in the future and use the money instead to buy all-organic food now. Some people literally don’t have the luxury of choosing to pay more now in order to potentially save significantly in the far-off future. Also? Not all cancer is caused by an unhealthy diet. I believe it can definitely play a part, but to say that it’s a direct cause and effect thing is extremely ignorant and, I’m sure, offensive to those who try to eat as healthy as possible and still end up with cancer or other illness.
The trite bit about ‘cancer costs more’ aside – the presumptuousness of the other comments really made me angry. The general consensus was that those who claim that organic food is too expensive are:
– Uneducated and uninformed (I actually consider myself extremely informed when it comes to nutrition, which is why I feel such sorrow at not being able to provide my family with a nutritionally optimal diet that is low in empty carbohydrates and high in protein and healthy fats, all from grass-fed, organic, fresh ingredients. You could say it’s a sore spot… so assuming that I’m just uneducated is extremely insensitive).
– Making poor shopping choices (I agonize over each and every item that goes into my cart at the grocery store. I do the best I can with what I have, and have a very few things that I won’t compromise on, like always buying real butter over margarine, or eating eggs for breakfast instead of cheap cereal. I buy hardly anything processed at all except for some condiments – I make my own salad dressing and sauces – and occasionally some rice crackers for cheap snacks on the road to avoid eating out. I also buy almost nothing that is a convenience food – if I can do it myself, I do. I don’t buy pre-shredded lettuce or cheese, etc).
– Eating processed crap that costs more and doesn’t provide any nutrition (This is just a totally ignorant thing to assume. Just because I say that organic food is too expensive for us does not mean that I am buying all processed junk. The vast majority of our diet consists of homemade bone broth soups, legumes and rice, frozen veggies, local-bought farm eggs that are only slightly more expensive than the grocery store, and the occasional ground beef meal at supper time. We snack on fruit or cheese when we can afford it, boiled eggs, homemade yogurt, raw almonds, and fresh farmer’s market veggies which are a “sometimes” treat in the summer. I simply don’t buy things like kraft dinner and boxed cookies, so please stop assuming that I can just cut those out and buy organic apples instead).
– Choosing to spend money instead on “beer and smart phone bills, going to movies, having cable, concerts, expensive cars, regular starbucks trips, eating out weekly, fast food, bottled water, soda, and processed foods, going to the movies weekly, getting your nails done every month, fancy new clothes, fancy designer coffee and a jumbo bag of cheetos…” (Yes, those were all mentioned specifically. As it happens, not a single one of them applies to us. We have cut our budget down in every way we can think of – we recently sold hubby’s smartphone in order to save $40/monthly, we don’t have a TV, and we live in a cheap rental that is enough but nothing fancy. We drive a used mini-van, wear old clothes with holes in them and haven’t bought new shoes in about five years other than the ones we got at Christmas. My son needs new sneakers and doesn’t have any summer PJ’s that fit, and we’ve carefully saved up $100 for a trip to a local children’s second-hand store in order to get those things. We don’t drink anything but water and home-brewed kombucha at home, and our definition of a splurge is a $1.70 fancy tea when we’re in the city for my midwife appointment, and even then, we share!).
– Simply not planning well enough (If I planned any more carefully for the times we are out and in need of food, my head might just explode. We bring an entire bag of packed snacks/meals when we go to the city for the day, and sometimes it’s still not enough. Sometimes I haven’t had the time or energy to make granola bars from scratch, and the kids have eaten all we brought and are simply still hungry with a few hours to go before we head home. It’s not as simple as you might assume).
– Choosing to not make their health a priority (This one really irks me. I think my points above are all related to this one. Sometimes choice is a luxury that only the middle/upper class can enjoy).
– Not sacrificing enough (I think I’ve adequately covered this one. Let’s just say this is one of the most pompous and self-righteous things I’ve ever heard).
– Not already eating from scratch (As mentioned already – we do more than almost everyone we know in this department, and we’re still struggling).
– Not creative enough (How creative is a meal of brown rice and dried black beans, soaked and cooked with some dented cans of diced tomatoes from the food bank, some spices, cheese, and steamed carrots on the side with homemade honey-sweetened yogurt for dessert? What other creative brilliance am I missing? Please, enlighten me…)
– Unaware of how to cook legumes, rice, and healthy grains (sorry, not true in the slightest…)
– Unaware that the answer lies in simply growing your own food (I agree that gardening is a great idea and can potentially save some people a lot of money… but we’ve moved 3 times in the last two years in a poor-soil area with a cold climate and very short growing season. I’m also 40 weeks pregnant, and it’s June. Suddenly, gardening doesn’t appear to be our perfect solution…)
– Not already saving money in other household areas (Don’t bother with this one – we already make our own cleaners, buy very little cosmetic and body care items, use cloth diapers, don’t buy paper towels ever… I could go on…)
***
To quote several of the particularly condescending commenters: “it can be expensive if you are not willing to put time into cooking from scratch…but if you fail to plan you plan to fail!” … “it’s never too expensive if people care about their health” … “no valid excuse” … “you can’t say it’s too expensive, I really believe anyone can do it you just have to make it a priority.”
***
I want to acknowledge that these comments may indeed be applicable for some people. Some people do have messed up priorities (read: different than yours…), are uneducated about nutrition, and don’t know how or have time to make many things from scratch that would ease the costs… BUT…
Let’s not assume that all folks who say they cannot afford organic food are stupid, lazy, and making bad choices, lest you find yourself one day in the position of having to choose between eating Chef Boyardee and Oreos* from the food bank or going hungry…
Instead, when someone says that they cannot afford to eat organic, I would suggest a healthy dose of compassion and gentle offerings to help, getting to actually know the person and their situation, and perhaps even dropping off a bag of that farmer’s market organic produce that you find so easy to come by.
***
Dear Middle Class America: A little less condescension and little more understanding would probably do us all a world of good. Please don’t make me want to throw my homemade yogurt in your face because it’s my kids’ favourite snack and milk costs a lot of money.
Sincerely and with respect,
Beth
* We did in fact receive Chef Boyardee and Oreos in our pre-made boxes of stuff from the food bank (we had almost zero choice about what to take) but passed it on to some young students down the street that willingly took it. We kept things like canned tomatoes and tuna, and the $50 voucher for produce at the grocery store that got us through to the next pay day.
Beverly
You definitely sound like the mother of invention. I am envious of you. You have a family…….long story…..Since I stopped working after almost 40 years of insanity in the work force (going to have to go back here shortly), I have been forced to learn how to make my own hand soap, shampoo, hair rinse, deoderant, toothpaste, clothes soap, handmade sourdough bread, etc. Have not gotten around to kombucha yet, but I have fermented a few things. I am sure it is an awful feeling for your children to feel hunger, but like you said they are not starving. Hunger can be such a good motivator. There is no telling what good stead this temporary, transient hunger will leave them in. I have shared this and will follow your posts, as I like how you think, how you scrounge, how you are learning to overcome and circumvent….
4dabirds
I don’t know where you live, but we use http://www.bountifulbaskets.org to stretch our budget. Conventionally grown baskets are $15.00 and Organic baskets are $25.00. Each basket is generally 50% fruits and 50% veggies (6 and 6) and weighs in at 20 pounds+. They also have organic, whole grain breads, organic, cold-pressed oils, grains, legumes, as well as packs and cases of fruits and veggies – all at rock bottom prices. If cases of an item seem like too much, often there are other families that would like to split with you… Simply posting on your local BB Facebook page will often net you someone to share with. We have been doing it for the last couple of years and I can’t tell you how much it saves us each week. Definitely worth checking out!
D. Alan
Those $15 produce boxes are often quite small, and it requires several other things ‘on hand’ to make it work. I tried a local CSA box at $15 /week, but my whole budget was about $25/week for a single person, let alone a -family-
Personally, it’s been -very- hard for the last 3 years and I agree w/ the frustration of the author.
Kim
Hmmm… I am wondering if it was it the same coop D Alan? Our family of 4 can usually suffice on a basket for one week. I will usually split a case of fruit every couple of weeks so that we have extra for lunches and snacks. Generally we get the basket, and then plan our weekly shopping around it. For people doing special diets like Eat to Live, Paleo, etc, it really helps because of the quantity and quality of the produce they are able to get. That is also a big reason why we started participating, my fil was diagnosed with diabetes and needed to overhaul his eating habits… he kept saying he couldn’t afford fruits and veggies, whole grain breads, etc and this allowed him to make those changes without breaking his budget which is limited to social security.
I think since we have been participating in the coop, the smallest basket we have received was 19 pounds, and the largest was 32 pounds. The average is 22-25. The downside is that you don’t get to choose your items (although people do trade amongst the group to get more of the things they love). The upside is that you don’t get to choose your items, because of this, our family has tried a ton of new things that we would not typically spend our $$$ on (especially when we are trying to stretch our budget). You can see pictures of the baskets I have received at http://www.facebook.com/bountifulbasketspueblo under the photos tab, or here is one you can go directly to: http://goo.gl/yLExnZ to get a better idea of how small or large they are.
With the conventional baskets, the price per pound averages out to .60 – .68 cents with the organic coming in at +/- $1.00… we can’t get anywhere close to that in the stores in our area even chasing loss leaders. When we can come close, the quality tends to be far lower because of the way the coop partners with farms. Generally the farms they contract with are smaller, low pesticide load and nonGMO. Buying as a group, we are able to get higher quality (sizing) and fresher (coming directly from farm).
and if you volunteer to help during distribution… you get one large or two small items as a gift! Yay for extra free produce! 🙂
All of that said, we also supplement the baskets with a variety of resources (especially when the grandkids and nieces and nephews are here):
– Sam’s Club for bulk items (flour, etc); some fruits and veggies; whole pork loins and chicken (go early in the morning to find the items from yesterday marked down further). Milk and other dairy products are often significantly less at Sams, especially in areas where there is a lot of military because they are competing with the Commissary for those dollars. Sams accepts EBT / SNAP cards
– Whole Foods for their bulk items (flours, grains, etc)
– Workshare with our local organic CSA. Our family only had to commit 4 hours per week in order to qualify for a share of the veggies, eggs, and other goodies provided by the farm. Additionally, Workshare participants received items such as plants which we planted in our garden for bounty all season long.
– Workshare contacts… for access to affordable free range chicken, grass fed beef, local honey, and (gasp) raw milk :p
– Local farms that are out a ways in the county… they will have awesome bargains directly at the farm if you go right at the peak of the season (or right before frost). We purchased a whole bushel of cantaloupe for $5.95 and 125 pounds of tomatoes for $25. <— you don't have to buy these by yourself, purchase with other families… although the tomatoes we canned for the winter
– Growing things… even living in a small space you can find away to grow some things even if it's just green onions from scraps left in a glass on your kitchen counter
– Foraging… we live in an area where there is a lot of wild things to eat and/or collect to use for other things. Our region has wild spinach, asparagus, mushrooms, pinion (pine) nuts, berries, apples, and a variety of other edible plants. Even in urban areas you can find opportunities to forage – out behind our local grocery store are 20 some crab apple trees… people drive past them every day and never bother to collect the crab apples. Another good foraging resource is Craigslist (or knocking on a door) – often people will let you come pick for free or very low cost
– Fishing / hunting… If I had to rely on hunting for food, I'm certain I would end up a vegetarian for lack of skill and/or desire, but we have friends who love to do this and all we have to do is process the meat and fill the freezer. Fishing is something the kids and I can do together as a recreational activity. Much less expensive to fish and end up with dinner then to do most anything else 🙂
– Food Exchanging or bartering in general is another way to broaden what you have access to. If I make a case of applesauce and someone else makes a case of jelly and we split our stock, we both have plenty of what we need. Works well for all sorts of things 🙂
– Last but not least, there was a time when we struggled to the point that even the things listed above were not enough to take care of our family. At these points, things like the food bank were a God send, but like Beth, you find yourself picking through the items to find the ones that will work for your own family's needs without filling them with a bunch of sugar, chemicals, etc.
Anyway, those are the things we have done to provide for ourselves and our extended family. If we didn't take the time to really know what was out there and constantly keep on the lookout for opportunities, we would definitely have to spend far far more than our budget has ever allowed. Obviously cooking the raw food is an important factor in all of this, but that is something we do as a family activity and enjoy.
Debbie
Bravo!!!! A huge round of applause and I shared this on my FB page. I recently showed a photo of my freshly cleaned out refridgerator and had a few of these comments regarding some of the “processed foods” and lack of veggies and fruits. I had just cleaned out the fridge. It was the day BEFORE grocery shopping day that only occurs once a month. Duh! I work so hard to create healthy nutritious meals on very limited money…and I live with a man and teenager who are used to eating out and eating processed foods. So my fridge is a combination of both our ideas on foods and working with a low budget. Thank you so much for writing this.
Deb
Your post needed to be said. I’m a social worker living on a disability, and when I was in school I remember on of the profs saying, “if you want to know how to stretch a dollar find a single mother on welfare.” More and more families and older adults are heading in the direction of not having enough to live on and no support community to fall back on. It’s sad and I hope everyday that something will change, although I don’t know what but I believe we will find a way. House and food security feel like a luxury.
Anyway, what I wanted to say, to all the kind people who donate to the food bank, thank you but please consider what you are donating. If you wouldn’t eat it don’t expect me to. Consider food that addresses special diets:i.e. gluten free, organic, dry fruits and nuts, brown rice, oils, dry beans, spices. Things to bake with, flour, yeast, baking powder. Enough with the high fat and sugar foods. Something from the ethnic section. I am grateful for what I receive from the food bank and that at mine I do get to ask for for the the food I prefer with the hopes of maybe receiving it.
I rant some and I’m sorry for doing so but I hope. I hope that one day people can look at each other and not see their station in life but see another human being worthy of the same treatment of respect as any one else. I hope that all people will inherently be able to get all that they need to have a quality of life, to thrive and be happy because everyone is treated as the special persons we are. I hope that we can find a way to these places without hurting or taking from others to do so. And I believe that we are the people who will find and lead that way there.
Sorry about being preaching but hope and faith feel healthier then complaining and disbelief.
Paloma
*standing ovation from in front of an almost bare pantry after a day of making as much as I can for cleaning, cooking, and health*
Thank you. You’re not alone.
Alena@TheHomemadeCreative
THANK YOU!!!! ♥♥♥
We are *blessed* to be on food stamps – and right now, with my husband’s monthly income totaling $15 less than our rent alone, we’re extremely grateful. We can even buy organic with them…except, only in grocery stores, so we rarely do, or only very specific things, because the prices eat up our budget faster than you can spit.
People keep telling me to take advantage of all the local farmer’s markets. I’d do that, just as soon as they start accepting SNAP. Until then, I would thank everyone to keep their comments in their pie hole, and let me do the best I can to not end up living in my in-law’s guest room AGAIN.
Alena@TheHomemadeCreative
Oh, and if you’re interested, I wrote this post 2 years ago, in response to a similarly pompous Facebook thread: http://little-bit-of-wonderful.blogspot.com/2011/10/entitled-to-nothing-yet-grateful-for.html Yours is better, lol 😛
Alena@TheHomemadeCreative
It’s an old blog, btw. I currently blog at http://www.thehomemadecreative.com
Michelle
We were on food stamps for about 1.5 years and I found out near the end that a lot of farmers markets take food stamps! Might be worth a google to see if any of your local ones do too. 🙂
Hannah
AMEN!
Summer
I am reading everything your family does to save money and be able to have a parent home with your children – you are amazing. I really admire the sacrifice you are making. We have recently moved for my husband’s job and gone from two incomes to one. You are an inspiration and I have found a lot of good frugal ideas. Your post says what a lot of us are thinking but are hesitant to say. Thank you!!!!
Kristen
Bless you for writing this. We go through a period every year (with me and my husband being self employed) where we have ZERO income for anywhere from several weeks to several months. It is EXCRUCIATING. I try to stock up when I can, but if it is an issue of there is nothing to eat, or what I have my children can’t eat (we have a WIDE variety of food allergies that GREATLY complicate our food choices and make it significantly more expensive). I spend about 60 % of my day in the kitchen cooking 95% of our food from scratch. We buy in bulk. My husband spends many weekends hunting for meat. WE STRUGGLE. We want to eat more healthy foods, and where we can, we do. However, I agree with what is said. Sometimes it is go hungry or eat what you’ve graciously received.
TAZ
You know, yesterday I answered a FB question about giving advice to a mom who could not afford to purchase organic. I wondered why it was up there. Like you said, you can try but sometimes it’s a struggle just to get fresh foods to make your own from scratch, nevermind organic.
When I was a single mom, I’ll confess to no knowledge, and it wasn’t until a few years ago that I became aware of GMOs and really began to pay attention. Even then, it was on my own, no help from any of those people who constantly told me how cheap it was to buy organic in the long run. I cringe when I think of the cheap cardboard foods that were high in chemicals and low in nutrition because I didn’t know. I think the advent of the microwave introduced us to so many prepared foods that are so bad for us. And like most of the ladies responding, I made “too much” to get help, though I could not make ends meet.
I have tried and will continue to instill frugal and healthy ways into my children and anyone who will listen. Those people don’t understand that the group who is uneducated will only get offended at their attitudes and until they are willing to sit down and kindly teach, they do not want part of their snobbish ways. I was there. I know it. (What I discovered, ironically, is that most-not all- of those same people would spend a fortune on high end personal care products and I just looked at them because they didn’t understand that your skin absorbs a lot of those chemicals too).
Though we could be doing better here, your post has given me the inspiration to help us pay off the last of our debt. My husband, too, is trying to start a home business for retirement after our kids grow and move on. Soon we will be relying on it. I’m thankful that there are blogs like yours and others out there that share frugal, healthy ideas and these are the reason we have been able to exist in times others are struggling so much. That and God’s blessing. But I do see where we could do more and thank you for the inspiration.
I guess my response to those people on that FB thread would be to stop talking and start doing. Take time to find someone who might not understand the difference and teach them. To find a family who is struggling and give them the excess from their gardens along with recipes to make (that was a huge struggle when we started preparing our own foods, it was intimidating to start with raw ingredients in an age of pre-made foods). Just do and understand that not everything works for everyone all the time, don’t condescend!
There are so many scenarios that could happen that would set people back from natural disasters to moves to job losses and beyond. We need to get over this and get back to helping each other like they did when this country was great. If a Great Depression happens now, we’d be in trouble, and it will be those who, like you, have learned to do what they could with what was available and share that knowledge with others who will be the ones people seek out to learn from.
((Hugs)) and prayers and God will reward your faithfulness in serving your family to the best of your ability.
TAZ
I want to add that I know not everyone on either side of the argument is this or that! Please do not think I am encouraging that idea because that would be counter productive. I’m simply saying that some people in the camp who say it’s possible no matter what can be condescending about it but don’t do anything else to help remedy the situation.
There are some, though, who do and I thank God for them! 🙂
Lori
I am willing to bet that not all middle class people are condescending, judgmental, etc.. I went from poor for many years to middle class by working my ass off. Please do not lump us all into one category. By doing so, you are being exactly what you accuse others of, and it is not fair. I agree nobody should act this way online, but why let them get to you? They don’t live your life. Sometimes our life circumstances are better off not shared with the World Wide Web.
Rachel Kasinger
I just want to say, “THANK YOU, AMEN, PREACH ON SISTER”. I live in the USA, western Michigan. I have $100.00 a week for groceries, so in a way I am blessed. It is a lot, but not enough to eat all organic. We eat whole foods most of the time, but I do buy canned tomato products. I make my own bread, and we too eat a lot of soup. My biggest rant is that I have extreemly picky children, and guess what you can lead the child to the healthy good for them meal, but you can’t make them eat. So I do buy some pretzels and animal crackers once a month and I make them stretch, they have organic ones at Costco. My local healthfood store is so expensive I only get the most basic of ingredients there: Erythritol, stevia powder, bulk spices. Oh yeah forgot to add that we are sugar free around here. My husband and I both have weight problems, and our oldest child was starting to enter into unhealthy weight patterns. That is what started our journey to health, why I started to buy organic, non-GMO, sugar free food. I do the best I can with what I’ve got, and try to ignore what I can’t change yet. So to all you “Sanctimommies” Chill Out, mind your own yard, and quit cutting down other mommies that are doing the best they honestly can.
Katie
Sweet, sweet Beth,
People on the other end can be so “brave” behind their computer screens, and it makes me sad they decided to use their bravery on you in such a demeaning, and judgmental way. Which, in fact makes in coward-ness, not bravery.
We had a snippet of living at poverty (if not below) level for 10 months, but not two years. And it was hard, really hard. Hard because like you, I know a lot about nutrition. We don’t have babes yet so that in makes our situation also very different. And we were also blessed to live in an area that had very good soil, and well-priced produce. Was it all organic? Heck no, but it was certainly better than a lot of processed foods.
Even now that our financial situation has changed, I still feel that “guilt” or “pressure” for not buying organic all the time. But I’m sorry, we don’t make a six-figure income, and that’s fine.
There is nothing wrong with that. We do a lot (a lot) of what you do to pinch pennies, but wow. I am in awe of how well and hard you pinch those pennies. Truly.
I’m reading through what you do to help your family eat well, and give your babes good nutrition, and I’m just nodding my head “yes,” in that you are in fact doing everything you can, and I applaud you for that.
I am so glad you posted this, and so proud of you. And I am also so proud that you are letting your husband live his dream. You are such a good wife and mama.
Okaasan
Ugh, I remember the junk we got from the food pantry. Seriously, so many expired canned goods! Just because we’re poor doesn’t mean we want your discards and table scraps! 🙁 And always spaghetti. That’d be great to eat all the time if I wanted to be constipated all the time. Oi! Anyway, insightful and true post. Thanks for sharing your story.
Shelley
We are a family of 4; myself, DH, DD (9) and DS (7)… DS has Asperger’s and ADHD, I have severe Celiac’s Disease as well as several severe food allergies. That said, there have been, sadly, several times when we have had to go to the local food pantry. Nearly each of those times, we have ended up throwing the majority of the foods away. The breads were stale and moldy, I opened up a container of cole slaw from the local grocery who had donated their deli cast-offs only to be repulsed by the smell (the expiration date was past 3.5 weeks!! The slaw was actually foaming!!!) Not to mention the extreme amount of donuts, cookies, snack cakes, etc… The ones that were “fresh(est)” we donated back to the pantry. I know it sounds ungrateful, but just because we are poor, does not mean we do not want to eat fresh, unspoiled food. Just because we are poor does not mean that all we want to eat are refined carbs and sugar-laden foods…. God is sufficient, all the time!!
Stephanie
I wonder if the biggest issue with that was a distribution issue. Surely grocery stores donate food within a few days prior to expiration. The issue is how well the pantry sorts it and distributes it.
NicoleW
I completely agree with you. We have to be very careful what we eat due to our kids (corn) allergies and it does mean we eat grassfed beef, but honestly we ate venison and no beef for awhile in order to use our tax return on the half a cow, and so forth. I know the crying in the kitchen feeling.
nora
One other helpful idea I didn’t read here that we have employed is eating weeds. We have grown our own simply by selectively weeding to grow the nutritious ones, and have weeded our friends gardens as well as some Upick places. We also pick unwanted fruit from mulberry trees, berry bushes, etc. “Weeds” like purselane, sorrel, lambs quarters, and others are actually quite nutritious and available for most of 3 seasons for the asking.
Stephanie
Thank you for this post! This is the very first post about “eating on a budget” that I can actually relate to! I too, am a stay at home mom of four young kiddos. My husband makes roughly $35k a year, before taxes. He took a job that he doesn’t like, and that doesn’t pay the bills, but a schedule that will allow him to complete the necessary programs to boost his resume to get back into the career field he enjoyed before he was laid off seven years ago.
We do not have cable, we share a basic cell phone, drive a used minivan (we have just one vehicle), vacations are camping in our backyard, we rent a tiny house, all of our clothes come second hand and only if I cannot repair or alter what we already have, I make all of our personal care and cleaning products, we use cloth diapers, are paperless except for toilet paper, I cook from scratch, we eat out only when given a restaurant gift card and are very careful to only use that amount, I spend days planning every single meal and snack that we will eat for the month to make my grocery list so I can then scout for coupons, sales or cheaper ingredients… but still we come up short. Not a day goes by that I do not feel guilt or frustration over not being able to CHOOSE to go to the grocery store to “pick up a few things”.
It is very hard to hear and read those comments that we are lazy, unintelligent, that it is MY fault because I should just get a job rather than staying home (umm.. our cost of daycare was $350/mo MORE than what I was making each month with just 2 kids in daycare, so I am saving our family money) or that we are “doing something wrong” because we can’t make ends meet. I just want to scream at people who are critical of us that once they are doing everything I am, on the same income we are, THEN they can tell me what I am doing wrong. One of the many times that I was desperately searching Pinterest for other tips on how to save money, I came across a blog one day that was “how I saved $40k a year for my family” and started crying because I simply wished we HAD $40k a year to work with!
I do wish people had more empathy for others, that yes, there may be those few who have misplaced priorities for their spending, but most of us are doing the best we can with what we have, as we work towards a better life for our family, even though it means making a lot of sacrifices that few could even begin to understand to get to where we want to be.
Thank you again for this post, for your honesty, and for the encouragement it gives to myself, and so many others. Sending lots of positive thoughts to you and your family!
emma
I’ve been there.
A few years ago we were a family of 4 living on 34K a year, and we had to pay 10k a year out of pocket for child care while I worked and my husband went to college.
We had no cell phones.
We had no cable tv.
No internet.
Eating at a resturaunt was a rare treat.
Even when family offered to babysit for us for free we couldn’t go out because we had no cash.
Our microwave broke and we didn’t have $45 to replace it, so we went without.
All our meals were from scratch because Hamburger Helper is WAY more expensive than making your own with hamburger and egg noodles.
People had no idea why we were doing what we were, but it was very important to my husband and I to NOT go into debt. We didn’t want to wake up somewhere down the road with gobs of debt threatening to strangle us. We made it through though! My husband graduated from college, got a great job and has been promoted!
Things are still tight, now I’m in college and we’ve had another baby since then, but we still make it a priority to eat fresh veggies, try to stay seasonal and local in our produce choices, I buy hormone free meats when it’s avalible and affordable. So while I do not make it a priority to always buy organic foods it is a priority for my family to eat healthy.
Michelle
I live in a fairly low cost of living area, so I’m trying really hard not to be covetous when you say 34k a year. lol. We are scraping by (ok, not even making it) on 14k for our family of 3. Maybe you live in Chicago or something and its comparable when it comes down to apples to apples…
Emma
We live in Tennessee, not too far south of Nashville. Not a super high cost area, but not a rural area either. The hardest was that we were just above the income line for State help so we were paying out the butt for daycare.
I will NEVER forget the feeling of helplessness as I held my W2 in my left and and my daycare statement in my right hand. The left said $23,000 and the right said $10,400. I almost cried.
Our only saving grace was that for those years we were putting our tax returns into a moneymarket checking account and that was our emergency fund. When we had two daycare bills ($400 each) due on one of my paychecks ($900), we would use the emergency money to pay one of them. The car needed new tires? emergency money. We were very careful and could usually manage to squeeze to the end of the year and use the remaining $100 of emergency money to buy Christmas gifts for our kids.
Christina H
I totally don’t mean this to be rude, because I know this comment is two years old and I also think it’s great you have an emergency fund. But it is kind of a slap in the face to those of us who literally have no money to cover those large expenses that might arise. Yes, you don’t have a lot of money for day-to-day, and that is a very real struggle. But if you have emergency money to cover emergencies, that’s not nearly the same as being broke :-/ I wish we had money in savings, we can’t wiggle that much in our budget.
KerryAnn @ CookingTF.com
I so sympathize. We’re dealing with unemployment and I’m no slow leak on Real Food- I have written books, run the longest-running real food menu mailer available, run a large website, former chapter leader, have been doing real foods for almost 11 years. Still I get judged because while my husband is on unemployment, we can’t afford organic everything and I refuse to go into debt for food. People judge very harshly and are very critical. I had someone recently tell me I need to give up cable TV so I could feed my kids organics. Really? I gave that up over 5+ years ago! Along with the magazines, new clothes, you name it. When I say our budget is bare-bones, I mean it. I own two outfits that fit. We recently chatted with a financial counselor and by the end of the conversation, they were taking notes from our ideas to save money!
To further complicate matters, I’m paleo due to a health condition. Three of us are GF, one is GFCF. I rely on bulk purchasing and food storage to make sure we have enough through the really tight times. This is the second time we’ve been through an extremely long stretch of unemployment.
Rebecca
I cried when I read this.
I am one of the middle class that can afford luxuries like organic meats, raw milk, and even going out to fancy restaurants when I don’t feel like cooking. I feel so blessed, but wish I could find people like you in my area to help out… I would prefer to help those who are like you — who are working hard at doing the best they can with what they have.
I work full time, have a side business, take care of my family, am a part time caretaker for my mom who has dementia, and have church responsibilities, and other responsibilities. It is hard to find time to cook from scratch. I try to make my own butter (from raw milk), make kefir every day, make my own beef stock and even beef tallow, we make homemade bread (we, meaning “me” since my husband doesn’t participate). I KNOW how time consuming it all is, and I am so exhausted at the end of the day. I don’t even have any kids but don’t see how any person can do all that I do, with kids to boot!
I try my hardest to not make any processed foods in our home, and the only “unhealthy” meals we eat are when we go out to eat at restaurants and then we have no control over the ingredients, only our food choices (we eat out about once a week).
I can only imagine how hard it would be to be living on minimum wage and trying to do everything. Sure, many of the things I do are cheaper than store bought (my laundry soap, my vinegar and water cleaning solution, my butter, etc). We shop second hand stores for clothing. We don’t need to, it is a choice we make to live within our means. We rarely give gifts for Christmas to each other, unless we want to do something that is useful and contributes to our desire to become self reliant.
I hang my clothes to dry vs. using electricity in the dryer. Some people think I am weird. I make my own deodorant, shampoo, body butter, etc. I don’t think I am weird. I think I am smart.
But that is my life, and I wish that I could pass on my financial success to others. I really do. Thank you for sharing your story, this was the first blog post from you that I read, and I am glad I did.
p.s. when I donate to the food shelf, I donate canned goods, but most are organic…. and I also donate pet food….
Ok, I wrote a lot more than I anticipated, sorry about that. I hope I got my point across and didn’t ramble too much. I just want people to know that it is hard to be natural and organic even for me, and I don’t have fiscal limitations…. definitely a big kudos to those who are doing it on less than what I have. I tip my hat to you! And I continue to try to give — my garden this year was so fruitful that I was able to give about 50% of my produce to my neighbors… My fruit trees were plentiful (except my apples and apricots this year). I got to share and it was great.
Kristin
Thank you thank you for writing this. It makes me feel less alone in my family’s poor state. I read a blog post two weeks ago and there was a breakdown of a family’s income and what they had left over to spend on gas, food, and fun was twice what our gross income is. The author said “I know our income might seem high to some people, but…” SIGH! Your post makes me feel better about a lot of things. Thank you!