Dear Middle-Class America: Guess what? I make my own chicken stock.
I even blogged about it. I buy organic, free-range chicken carcasses to make it with, and that’s pretty well the extent of what I am able to afford from our organic/grass-fed/free-range/humane meat supplier as of late. Yup, we eat a LOT of soup, brown rice, and lentils.
You see, I am a stay-at-home mom. I’m due to give birth to our third beautiful babe any day now, actually. My husband is a new flight instructor and makes approximately minimum wage when his paid vs non-paid hours are all averaged out. We are also slowly paying off significant debt from his flight training costs which finished last summer.
The bottom line? We’re poor.
Honestly, I hate to use that word to describe our situation because it is often used glibly to detract from the harsh realities of third-world poverty, but please know that I mean it only speaking relative to my own culture, and not on a global scale. I am grateful that we are not dying from starvation or lack of shelter, but yes we do have trouble making ends meet every month.
We have been struggling financially ever since two and a half years ago when we quit our (ie. hubby’s) job and moved halfway across the country so that he could pursue his dream career of aviation. It’s been worth it, yes, and it’s been difficult. The last few months have been the roughest so far, and I’ve been desperately avoiding talking about it on my blog because to be perfectly honest – our family and closest friends read my blog, and I know that they will probably either freak out and admonish us for not asking for help, or else just pity us, and I don’t know which is worse. (For the record, living this way is hard, but we are so grateful that God has provided for us and blessed us in so many ways, and don’t regret our choices).
We’ve visited the local food bank twice in the last couple of years (Separate but related rant? The total and complete crap that is handed out at food banks). Once was less than a month ago. I have stood in my kitchen crying into my husband’s shoulder because my stomach was rumbling, grocery money was depleted until the next payday, and I was so damn tired of struggling to figure out something appetizing to make from the random things left in my pantry and fridge. I’ve scrimped and saved and watched sales and planned and packed food for our day trips to the city. I’ve tried dozens of new recipes for beans and lentils. I’ve felt guilty for the cheese I give my kids as an easy snack because $10 for a block of cheese is very expensive when it gets used up in a week. Same with nuts, fruit, and any other nutrient-dense or protein-rich unprocessed snack.
To be totally honest, I’m not completely perfect in my planning and spending habits (who is??), but you can be damned sure that I’m trying my very best to feed my family healthy and nutritious food with as little money as possible.
That is why when I read comments like these ones in response to the question “How do you respond to the idea that organic food is too expensive?”… I get just a *little* fired up. (For starters? For some people it’s not “an idea”, it’s a fact).
The vast majority of the comments left on that status are condescending, sanctimonious, ignorant, and presumptuous, and if I had any stronger words, I’d use them.
Here are some of the comments and my responses to them:
Many, many people snarkily noted that they’d respond by saying that “cancer costs more, duh”, or some variation thereof. Whether you’re talking about actual medical bills (which is not the same for me, living in Canada) or cost of losing your life – the point is the same.
I’d like to address this by saying: of course I know that cancer sucks. Do you think I want cancer? Or any other host of diet-related illnesses? Of course not. Even if I had to pay for medical bills – I can’t very well go cash in on my doctor’s bills from 20 years in the future and use the money instead to buy all-organic food now. Some people literally don’t have the luxury of choosing to pay more now in order to potentially save significantly in the far-off future. Also? Not all cancer is caused by an unhealthy diet. I believe it can definitely play a part, but to say that it’s a direct cause and effect thing is extremely ignorant and, I’m sure, offensive to those who try to eat as healthy as possible and still end up with cancer or other illness.
The trite bit about ‘cancer costs more’ aside – the presumptuousness of the other comments really made me angry. The general consensus was that those who claim that organic food is too expensive are:
– Uneducated and uninformed (I actually consider myself extremely informed when it comes to nutrition, which is why I feel such sorrow at not being able to provide my family with a nutritionally optimal diet that is low in empty carbohydrates and high in protein and healthy fats, all from grass-fed, organic, fresh ingredients. You could say it’s a sore spot… so assuming that I’m just uneducated is extremely insensitive).
– Making poor shopping choices (I agonize over each and every item that goes into my cart at the grocery store. I do the best I can with what I have, and have a very few things that I won’t compromise on, like always buying real butter over margarine, or eating eggs for breakfast instead of cheap cereal. I buy hardly anything processed at all except for some condiments – I make my own salad dressing and sauces – and occasionally some rice crackers for cheap snacks on the road to avoid eating out. I also buy almost nothing that is a convenience food – if I can do it myself, I do. I don’t buy pre-shredded lettuce or cheese, etc).
– Eating processed crap that costs more and doesn’t provide any nutrition (This is just a totally ignorant thing to assume. Just because I say that organic food is too expensive for us does not mean that I am buying all processed junk. The vast majority of our diet consists of homemade bone broth soups, legumes and rice, frozen veggies, local-bought farm eggs that are only slightly more expensive than the grocery store, and the occasional ground beef meal at supper time. We snack on fruit or cheese when we can afford it, boiled eggs, homemade yogurt, raw almonds, and fresh farmer’s market veggies which are a “sometimes” treat in the summer. I simply don’t buy things like kraft dinner and boxed cookies, so please stop assuming that I can just cut those out and buy organic apples instead).
– Choosing to spend money instead on “beer and smart phone bills, going to movies, having cable, concerts, expensive cars, regular starbucks trips, eating out weekly, fast food, bottled water, soda, and processed foods, going to the movies weekly, getting your nails done every month, fancy new clothes, fancy designer coffee and a jumbo bag of cheetos…” (Yes, those were all mentioned specifically. As it happens, not a single one of them applies to us. We have cut our budget down in every way we can think of – we recently sold hubby’s smartphone in order to save $40/monthly, we don’t have a TV, and we live in a cheap rental that is enough but nothing fancy. We drive a used mini-van, wear old clothes with holes in them and haven’t bought new shoes in about five years other than the ones we got at Christmas. My son needs new sneakers and doesn’t have any summer PJ’s that fit, and we’ve carefully saved up $100 for a trip to a local children’s second-hand store in order to get those things. We don’t drink anything but water and home-brewed kombucha at home, and our definition of a splurge is a $1.70 fancy tea when we’re in the city for my midwife appointment, and even then, we share!).
– Simply not planning well enough (If I planned any more carefully for the times we are out and in need of food, my head might just explode. We bring an entire bag of packed snacks/meals when we go to the city for the day, and sometimes it’s still not enough. Sometimes I haven’t had the time or energy to make granola bars from scratch, and the kids have eaten all we brought and are simply still hungry with a few hours to go before we head home. It’s not as simple as you might assume).
– Choosing to not make their health a priority (This one really irks me. I think my points above are all related to this one. Sometimes choice is a luxury that only the middle/upper class can enjoy).
– Not sacrificing enough (I think I’ve adequately covered this one. Let’s just say this is one of the most pompous and self-righteous things I’ve ever heard).
– Not already eating from scratch (As mentioned already – we do more than almost everyone we know in this department, and we’re still struggling).
– Not creative enough (How creative is a meal of brown rice and dried black beans, soaked and cooked with some dented cans of diced tomatoes from the food bank, some spices, cheese, and steamed carrots on the side with homemade honey-sweetened yogurt for dessert? What other creative brilliance am I missing? Please, enlighten me…)
– Unaware of how to cook legumes, rice, and healthy grains (sorry, not true in the slightest…)
– Unaware that the answer lies in simply growing your own food (I agree that gardening is a great idea and can potentially save some people a lot of money… but we’ve moved 3 times in the last two years in a poor-soil area with a cold climate and very short growing season. I’m also 40 weeks pregnant, and it’s June. Suddenly, gardening doesn’t appear to be our perfect solution…)
– Not already saving money in other household areas (Don’t bother with this one – we already make our own cleaners, buy very little cosmetic and body care items, use cloth diapers, don’t buy paper towels ever… I could go on…)
***
To quote several of the particularly condescending commenters: “it can be expensive if you are not willing to put time into cooking from scratch…but if you fail to plan you plan to fail!” … “it’s never too expensive if people care about their health” … “no valid excuse” … “you can’t say it’s too expensive, I really believe anyone can do it you just have to make it a priority.”
***
I want to acknowledge that these comments may indeed be applicable for some people. Some people do have messed up priorities (read: different than yours…), are uneducated about nutrition, and don’t know how or have time to make many things from scratch that would ease the costs… BUT…
Let’s not assume that all folks who say they cannot afford organic food are stupid, lazy, and making bad choices, lest you find yourself one day in the position of having to choose between eating Chef Boyardee and Oreos* from the food bank or going hungry…
Instead, when someone says that they cannot afford to eat organic, I would suggest a healthy dose of compassion and gentle offerings to help, getting to actually know the person and their situation, and perhaps even dropping off a bag of that farmer’s market organic produce that you find so easy to come by.
***
Dear Middle Class America: A little less condescension and little more understanding would probably do us all a world of good. Please don’t make me want to throw my homemade yogurt in your face because it’s my kids’ favourite snack and milk costs a lot of money.
Sincerely and with respect,
Beth
* We did in fact receive Chef Boyardee and Oreos in our pre-made boxes of stuff from the food bank (we had almost zero choice about what to take) but passed it on to some young students down the street that willingly took it. We kept things like canned tomatoes and tuna, and the $50 voucher for produce at the grocery store that got us through to the next pay day.
Cren
Wow, good honest post. I’d love a real tasty lentil or bean recipe. I too struggle to feed my family the food I know is good for them. We had Salmon twice in the past year because I won’t buy the kind that goes on sale (it’s from China) and its just so expensive otherwise. I could go on for another thousand words about the stress of getting groceries on any budget when you are a conscience of GMOs etc. The point here is you are not alone, and good work doing your best with a thankful heart and a proverbs 31 wonder mom creative work ethic going. I hope your family & friends give you nothin but props. I also hope someone hears you who needed an attitude adjustment. We have become so snarky and condescending as a culture. By sharing our real stories we can all grow a little, if we are willing to listen.
Nicole Latulippe
I can so relate…to all of this post. And can I just say how refreshing it is to hear someone giving gratitude to God, but being transparent enough to use the word damn at the same time!?! Well said!
Crystal
Wow…$50 produce voucher froma food bank is awesome! Most food banks are struggling to get by in order to be able to help the people who need it.
We have a grocery budget of $150-$175 per month for our family of 2 adults and a 3 and 5 year old. We buy very little organic, and I don’t feel bad about it. We cannot afford to eat all organic on our budget. I have budget stuff and meal plans on my blog if you’d want to check it out, although it sounds like you’re doing everything you can. I know that’s frustrating.
Mitzi
I hate to see people struggle and get slapped while they are doing it. I admire your restaint and ability to get your point acoss eloquently. Keep your head up, you sound like an amazing woman!
nataliehere
Hi there – I just found your blog and I feel compelled to comment. I have to say I really agree with your thoughts here. A few years ago, I had to make the decision to stop buying all organic food. That choice has afforded me the ability to buy and eat many more fruits and veggies each day, which I think is very important for my health. I still buy organic milk and cage-free eggs, and humane-raised meat whenever possible, but when it comes to things like salad mix or avocados, I try not to stress. It’s important for everyone to do what’s right when it comes to their own budget, and others shouldn’t judge them for it.
I look at people like Jack LaLanne (who once said buying only organic food was a “crap” idea) and even my own grandparents who never ate organic. These people lived long and healthy lives without probably ever making a single trip to Whole Foods. Instead they focused on a plant-based, made-from-scratch diet without a heavy emphasis on meat. That’s something I really admire and I try to emulate in my own life.
fingerthumb
Wow, great post, very well thought out. I agree on all points. Where I live I’m mostly trying to convince people that organic is a good choice at all! We can only afford to buy some organic as it is, but have had a bit of luck with out own garden (even though I am a really bad/lazy gardener). But its a good climate/soil for it and saves us money on the tomatoes, spinach and herbs. Do you have any Community Supported Agriculture farms in your area? You know, where you pay a set price for the year and then get seasonal organic produce. I’m looking into one for the next year. I don’t know if it’ll be financially possible for us, but I think its a great idea.
Kathy M
That was great! i recently find myself below the poverty level and I agree – the food bank stuff is crap! Except the oats, rice and beans which I take as much as possible. Sometimes they have some decent day old stuff from Trader Joes, but generally you get cake, cheetos, canned veg and fruits, crappy bread. I’m like you and have scaled back everything possible, cook from scratch, have a huge garden and can or dry it all, and glean fruit from neighborhood trees. I even harvested some dandelions for salad. They weren’t bad. The people that are preaching are the ones that have disposable income and can actually MAKE the choice to get organic. Maybe they scaled back from 1000 channels on cable to 500 to make that happen. LOL You know you’re doing your best and that’s all that matters.
Beth Ricci
Thanks for your encouragement, Kathy. It sound like you really “get it”, which is so nice. Most food banks really are terrible, eh? I feel bad for those who have to rely on them regularly. I only had to go once, which was more than enough for me!
Christine Emmick
Beth, I am a wahm of 4. Because of some business decisions made in 2011, we found ourselves out of money this past June. After 2 months of eating rice for breakfast and lunch, I finally asked for help. Then I found out that food banks cannot cater to people with food allergies. I asked for food stamps, we owned too much property (that we could not sell for what we owed) to qualify.
At this point I was desperate, I cried out to my church. They came through with flying colors. And my HM4HB group, who understands about wanting to eat healthy, and many of whom deal with food allergies, helped too. I cannot tell you how much this rescue line meant to me.
Please ask Beth. People like me want to help. Go to pay pal and put a donation button widget on your blog, ask your church. If you don’t have a church, reach out. That is what they are there for.
I also now realize that since I have been in this situation I can better relate to those who have been there as well. This is all just a learning experience. Now you can look at someone going through it and say, “I’ve been where you are, let me help.” 🙂
cindasana
You know what, Kathy? Your remark about “maybe they scaled back from 1000 channels on cable to 500 to make that happen” is just as erroneous as some of the crap people were flinging about poor families spending their money on iPhones, expensive vehicles, etc, rather than on healthy food.
I’ve been on both sides of the fence (well, okay, the poor side and the middle class side…never the rich side, unfortunately. lol), and my husband and I still are living paycheck to paycheck. We chose to put ourselves in this situation in order to put our money where our mouths are, literally and figuratively. Yes, we eat organic produce and pastured meats (the meat, incidentally, we buy from a small ranch in New York, as we cannot afford the same type of meat from small farms in our own area. Sad fact.). We willingly made the choice to give up other things to be able to vote with our dollars. And voting it is…it’s the only type of vote we get when it comes to trying to drive down the price of REAL FOOD so that everyone can afford it, not just some. Would you look down on us because we willingly chose to give things up to do this, and weren’t forced into giving things up because of poverty?
I’m really tired of all the sh*t-slinging on both sides of the fence here. It’s far easier for people to say things here on the internet, that they would never say to a person’s face. And I’m not just talking about you. I feel like the forum being the internet, especially when it comes to topics that can be divisive to start with, removes a lot of the humanity & compassion that people might otherwise be moved to feel and express when communicating with each other. My two cents…
Belladawna
I’m with you there, our family has three children, the last only three months old, We have student loan debt and my husband and I had to spend months apart to get enough money to move the where my husband found work. Though we’re making far better money we are still living in debt. I make almost every meal from scratch and have recently started using only vinegar, dish soap and baking soda for cleaning my home. I too use cloth diapers and there is a lot to be said for shopping smart. I truly wish I could have a veg garden but I too have been renting and that is never completely stable. I sew up boys pants constantly instead of replacing them until they’ve been grown out of, and thank God for hand me downs. It may be a bit more work, but its not a bad life, just scary when you don’t have anything to spare. You’re not alone Beth }>Lisa
Beth Ricci
You’re right – it’s not a bad life. I love my life! Of course there are stressful and tiresome things about it sometimes, but I daresay that’s the case with everyone!
Michael Jannette
I like everything that you have had to say. I think you are doing a wonderful job, and I can not believe the support that your giving your husband. To give him his dreams, and have less is an amazing quality. Truthfully though I was raised to sacrifice dreams to support and give a better life for my family. I do not have any yet but will step up to the plate. I have had my dreams and fulfilled them, now to find my family. God bless yours, and if you were here I would make you a wonderful christmas this coming year. I save up all year to give gifts to a family who can not afford anything for their kids.
Beth Ricci
Thank-you for your kind words! 🙂
Jen
I guess I am considered a “middle class American”… though we are barely above the poverty mark, we are trying our best not to go under! I hear comments like you listed often and all it does is make me feel more guilty for not being able to afford all that wonderful organic and healthy food as well. If people would not presume to know everything about others without any first hand knowledge of them and have a little compassion, the world would be a better place. From one Mom, trying to make her way through this life and feed her kids as healthy as she can, to another… keep up the good work! We will get through this and it will get better. I have faith!
Beth Ricci
Thank-you Jen! It sure is tough, isn’t it? Yup, we can manage, can’t we? Healthy eating may not be the way the elite eat, but it can be healthy nonetheless.
KylaGWolf
Beth what you say goes for a lot of us in America too. I would LOVE to buy all organic but sometimes I have to make a choice between a $7 package of chicken breasts or $14 for a smaller package of free range. And well I can feed my family twice as long on the cheaper version. Beans and rice are staples here too as is whole grain pasta. I say get what you can organic and just buy what else you can that isn’t and the ones that don’t like it can go stuff themselves. I wish you all the luck on the new baby and hope things get better for your family soon.
Beth Ricci
Thank-you so much for your encouragement – it truly refreshes me to hear so many people chiming in with empathy and kind words!
Maxtherat
Same goes for people on food stamps! People assume that we dont know how to manage money and are using the system to live high on the hog because we havefoood stamps, not realizing that we actually wouldn’t even be able to pay the bills if it were not for I the grace of God let alone eat!
Beth Ricci
Oh man, that must be frustrating! I hear ya!
Barbara Yacko Lamoreaux
I worked at w/m and i saw what some ppl put into their carts with food stamps. I was working a second job and i wasn’t able to afford what they were buying.
Beth Ricci
Interesting. I’m not sure I’m reading between the lines correctly, because we don’t have the same kind of food stamp system here in Canada. It’s a complicated issue for sure though.
Heather Irwin
Perhaps some of it was for a special occasion. You splurge on steak, well, you’re going to have to eat a lot of rice and beans (or ramen) later in the month to make up for it. Food stamp allotments are neither unlimited nor generous… which I know from experience.
daughterofsnape
I got $91 per month for me and my son. That’s less than $25 per week. I can’t imagine having anything expensive in my cart! I purchased a lot of potatoes, ramen, beans, and rice.
Linda
Beth I agree and live everything that you said above. All your example responses come from those who can afford those coffee drinks and manicures (which are luxury items to me that I can’t do); I’ve had ONE manicure and it was a wedding gift from a friend for my wedding four years ago. I don’t have cable, don’t have smart phone – and oh my gosh, all the little 11 and 12 year olds running around with them. I don’t have texting for my husband or I on our simple flip cell phone – it was $5. each phone; and that’s $10. for groceries – on my $27./week grocery budget. I am very frugal and live a very minimalist life and totally understand your frustration in above blog. Blessings to you and your family….Linda
Beth Ricci
Thanks for your encouragement, Linda. Thanks for reading 🙂
Sarah Cherim
I am so glad I stumbled upon this because I completely understand. I buy nutritious food, but not necessarily organic food. Organic doesn’t equal healthy and conventional doesn’t equal unhealthy either! There are tons of organic “empty calorie” foods and lots of healthy foods that aren’t organic. I make almost everything from scratch and try to eat lots of fruits, veggies, legumes, and nuts, but I can’t afford to buy everything organically. (I’d like to; it simply isn’t realistic, right now.) People can be very judgmental. I am a nutrition student and I work in a nutrition department in a hospital and it drives me crazy when people make assumptions! (I once had someone ask me if “organic” meant “gluten-free”…) Great post- it sounds like you’re doing great with what you have!
Samantha Meshack-Hart
agree with this whole heartedly
Jule
Yes, organic food /is/ too expensive.
Beth Ricci
Yup, it sure is. It should just be FOOD… not “specialty” food 🙁
Aimee
I totally feel you on this. It gets frustrating and quite honestly depressing to do your best for your family and feel it is still not the best available. We have also cut our expenses to the base and still struggle. A lot of my friends and family are currently losing their homes and struggling to make each dollar stretch. I wish you and your family the very best and would like you to know how much I appreciate your honesty and determination. Please keep blogging.
Beth Ricci
Thanks, Aimee, for your encouragement! I appreciate it!
Kacie
Yes and yes. I had my husband stop going to the food pantry because it’s ALL processed. We’ve been leaving cheap and small in all the ways you describe, and sometimes the assumed elements of life in Middle Class USA still take me off guard. We’re just getting out of the hole financially. I still need to learn financial discipline in some areas, but there’s only so much you can squeeze in some areas.
We’ve chosen this life and so we’re responsible to make it work, but … it is hard sometimes.
Beth Ricci
Yup, no one’s perfect, but sometimes you really are doing all you can. Sounds like you’re doing a good job with what you have.
Christamarie
I feel your pain, we have four kids and my hubby hasn’t worked in 8 months. We’re not quite as tight as it sounds like you guys are but people that just make flippant comments about our situation (assuming it’s closer to their financial situation) are hurtful and ignorant. It’s really hard knowing about nutrition and yet not being able to give your children what I feel is the best for them. It’s hard for me to see my kids biting into a conventionally grown strawberry and not thinking about the possible pesticides they are ingesting at the particular moment. But I”m learning that God knows………..and I pray that he keeps us healthy and that with HIs help I can continue to make the best choices possible within our budget and if there’s anything else we can “cut” to allow for a healthier lifestyle that He will open my eyes to it. God Bless you guys and I”m so happy to have stummbled upon your blog. You’re doing a great job Beth, don’t listen to those who say you aren’t. Can’t wait to read more. Enjoy your beans babe!
Christa
Ams33
Hi, I understand totally. I am a single mom, My ex has not paid support in 11 years. I wish we could find the bum… I also am squeezing every penny. Our food prices have sky rocketed in the last couple of years, not to mention gas has doubled. ( my car is 12 years old.) there is no way to NOT have a car here where I live. Water and Electric also has gone way up in price. It has become impossible just to survive. I have cut everything possible, such as no cable TV. No cell phone, no house phone, I use magic jack ( it works ) I do have internet, I never use the clothes dryer or dish washer. No air condition and very little heat (if at all ) in the winter. There are no vacations, no dinner out, no manicures, no new clothes, I get my hair cut at super cut $8 every 6- 8 months. So yes, I have to eat a lot of ramen noodles, and crap. Not because I want to, but it is all I can afford. I get frozen veggies, and sometimes when it is on sale fresh. I bake my own bread and try to make as much from scratch as possible. I have never felt so depressed and defeated as I do now. And sadly it does not look like things will improve anytime soon. I have lost all hope in the future
Marnie Johansson
Thanks so much for posting this. As a 36 year old living with an autoimmune condition and in a very expensive and somewhat elitist city, it can get hard. Sometimes it starts to feel like everything in our culture is pointing to the “fact” that if you just eat pure enough (which, like you said, varies so much person to person) that you will be perfectly healthy and perfectly beautiful. This clearly leads to the faulty assumption that if you are less than perfectly healthy and super fit and lovely that you are doing something gravely wrong and it is your fault. It reminds me of all the articles in magazines that talk about how if you clean up your diet and drink lots of water that you skin will magically become flawless and like that of a child! 🙂 It sometimes seems that we are all so desperate to find the magic pill that will stave off death forever that we get all self righteous about things and assume that we have found the answer and that the only reason that bad things befall others is because they have messed up by having the wrong priorities or something.
Blah blah, anyway, thanks again. It can be hard to say that you are too poor to afford all the perfect food (even though it shouldn’t be a moral issue… well, you know what I mean…). I felt like someone was standing up for me in this post… and I don’t even know you. 🙂