Dear Middle-Class America: Guess what? I make my own chicken stock.
I even blogged about it. I buy organic, free-range chicken carcasses to make it with, and that’s pretty well the extent of what I am able to afford from our organic/grass-fed/free-range/humane meat supplier as of late. Yup, we eat a LOT of soup, brown rice, and lentils.
You see, I am a stay-at-home mom. I’m due to give birth to our third beautiful babe any day now, actually. My husband is a new flight instructor and makes approximately minimum wage when his paid vs non-paid hours are all averaged out. We are also slowly paying off significant debt from his flight training costs which finished last summer.
The bottom line? We’re poor.
Honestly, I hate to use that word to describe our situation because it is often used glibly to detract from the harsh realities of third-world poverty, but please know that I mean it only speaking relative to my own culture, and not on a global scale. I am grateful that we are not dying from starvation or lack of shelter, but yes we do have trouble making ends meet every month.
We have been struggling financially ever since two and a half years ago when we quit our (ie. hubby’s) job and moved halfway across the country so that he could pursue his dream career of aviation. It’s been worth it, yes, and it’s been difficult. The last few months have been the roughest so far, and I’ve been desperately avoiding talking about it on my blog because to be perfectly honest – our family and closest friends read my blog, and I know that they will probably either freak out and admonish us for not asking for help, or else just pity us, and I don’t know which is worse. (For the record, living this way is hard, but we are so grateful that God has provided for us and blessed us in so many ways, and don’t regret our choices).
We’ve visited the local food bank twice in the last couple of years (Separate but related rant? The total and complete crap that is handed out at food banks). Once was less than a month ago. I have stood in my kitchen crying into my husband’s shoulder because my stomach was rumbling, grocery money was depleted until the next payday, and I was so damn tired of struggling to figure out something appetizing to make from the random things left in my pantry and fridge. I’ve scrimped and saved and watched sales and planned and packed food for our day trips to the city. I’ve tried dozens of new recipes for beans and lentils. I’ve felt guilty for the cheese I give my kids as an easy snack because $10 for a block of cheese is very expensive when it gets used up in a week. Same with nuts, fruit, and any other nutrient-dense or protein-rich unprocessed snack.
To be totally honest, I’m not completely perfect in my planning and spending habits (who is??), but you can be damned sure that I’m trying my very best to feed my family healthy and nutritious food with as little money as possible.
That is why when I read comments like these ones in response to the question “How do you respond to the idea that organic food is too expensive?”… I get just a *little* fired up. (For starters? For some people it’s not “an idea”, it’s a fact).
The vast majority of the comments left on that status are condescending, sanctimonious, ignorant, and presumptuous, and if I had any stronger words, I’d use them.
Here are some of the comments and my responses to them:
Many, many people snarkily noted that they’d respond by saying that “cancer costs more, duh”, or some variation thereof. Whether you’re talking about actual medical bills (which is not the same for me, living in Canada) or cost of losing your life – the point is the same.
I’d like to address this by saying: of course I know that cancer sucks. Do you think I want cancer? Or any other host of diet-related illnesses? Of course not. Even if I had to pay for medical bills – I can’t very well go cash in on my doctor’s bills from 20 years in the future and use the money instead to buy all-organic food now. Some people literally don’t have the luxury of choosing to pay more now in order to potentially save significantly in the far-off future. Also? Not all cancer is caused by an unhealthy diet. I believe it can definitely play a part, but to say that it’s a direct cause and effect thing is extremely ignorant and, I’m sure, offensive to those who try to eat as healthy as possible and still end up with cancer or other illness.
The trite bit about ‘cancer costs more’ aside – the presumptuousness of the other comments really made me angry. The general consensus was that those who claim that organic food is too expensive are:
– Uneducated and uninformed (I actually consider myself extremely informed when it comes to nutrition, which is why I feel such sorrow at not being able to provide my family with a nutritionally optimal diet that is low in empty carbohydrates and high in protein and healthy fats, all from grass-fed, organic, fresh ingredients. You could say it’s a sore spot… so assuming that I’m just uneducated is extremely insensitive).
– Making poor shopping choices (I agonize over each and every item that goes into my cart at the grocery store. I do the best I can with what I have, and have a very few things that I won’t compromise on, like always buying real butter over margarine, or eating eggs for breakfast instead of cheap cereal. I buy hardly anything processed at all except for some condiments – I make my own salad dressing and sauces – and occasionally some rice crackers for cheap snacks on the road to avoid eating out. I also buy almost nothing that is a convenience food – if I can do it myself, I do. I don’t buy pre-shredded lettuce or cheese, etc).
– Eating processed crap that costs more and doesn’t provide any nutrition (This is just a totally ignorant thing to assume. Just because I say that organic food is too expensive for us does not mean that I am buying all processed junk. The vast majority of our diet consists of homemade bone broth soups, legumes and rice, frozen veggies, local-bought farm eggs that are only slightly more expensive than the grocery store, and the occasional ground beef meal at supper time. We snack on fruit or cheese when we can afford it, boiled eggs, homemade yogurt, raw almonds, and fresh farmer’s market veggies which are a “sometimes” treat in the summer. I simply don’t buy things like kraft dinner and boxed cookies, so please stop assuming that I can just cut those out and buy organic apples instead).
– Choosing to spend money instead on “beer and smart phone bills, going to movies, having cable, concerts, expensive cars, regular starbucks trips, eating out weekly, fast food, bottled water, soda, and processed foods, going to the movies weekly, getting your nails done every month, fancy new clothes, fancy designer coffee and a jumbo bag of cheetos…” (Yes, those were all mentioned specifically. As it happens, not a single one of them applies to us. We have cut our budget down in every way we can think of – we recently sold hubby’s smartphone in order to save $40/monthly, we don’t have a TV, and we live in a cheap rental that is enough but nothing fancy. We drive a used mini-van, wear old clothes with holes in them and haven’t bought new shoes in about five years other than the ones we got at Christmas. My son needs new sneakers and doesn’t have any summer PJ’s that fit, and we’ve carefully saved up $100 for a trip to a local children’s second-hand store in order to get those things. We don’t drink anything but water and home-brewed kombucha at home, and our definition of a splurge is a $1.70 fancy tea when we’re in the city for my midwife appointment, and even then, we share!).
– Simply not planning well enough (If I planned any more carefully for the times we are out and in need of food, my head might just explode. We bring an entire bag of packed snacks/meals when we go to the city for the day, and sometimes it’s still not enough. Sometimes I haven’t had the time or energy to make granola bars from scratch, and the kids have eaten all we brought and are simply still hungry with a few hours to go before we head home. It’s not as simple as you might assume).
– Choosing to not make their health a priority (This one really irks me. I think my points above are all related to this one. Sometimes choice is a luxury that only the middle/upper class can enjoy).
– Not sacrificing enough (I think I’ve adequately covered this one. Let’s just say this is one of the most pompous and self-righteous things I’ve ever heard).
– Not already eating from scratch (As mentioned already – we do more than almost everyone we know in this department, and we’re still struggling).
– Not creative enough (How creative is a meal of brown rice and dried black beans, soaked and cooked with some dented cans of diced tomatoes from the food bank, some spices, cheese, and steamed carrots on the side with homemade honey-sweetened yogurt for dessert? What other creative brilliance am I missing? Please, enlighten me…)
– Unaware of how to cook legumes, rice, and healthy grains (sorry, not true in the slightest…)
– Unaware that the answer lies in simply growing your own food (I agree that gardening is a great idea and can potentially save some people a lot of money… but we’ve moved 3 times in the last two years in a poor-soil area with a cold climate and very short growing season. I’m also 40 weeks pregnant, and it’s June. Suddenly, gardening doesn’t appear to be our perfect solution…)
– Not already saving money in other household areas (Don’t bother with this one – we already make our own cleaners, buy very little cosmetic and body care items, use cloth diapers, don’t buy paper towels ever… I could go on…)
***
To quote several of the particularly condescending commenters: “it can be expensive if you are not willing to put time into cooking from scratch…but if you fail to plan you plan to fail!” … “it’s never too expensive if people care about their health” … “no valid excuse” … “you can’t say it’s too expensive, I really believe anyone can do it you just have to make it a priority.”
***
I want to acknowledge that these comments may indeed be applicable for some people. Some people do have messed up priorities (read: different than yours…), are uneducated about nutrition, and don’t know how or have time to make many things from scratch that would ease the costs… BUT…
Let’s not assume that all folks who say they cannot afford organic food are stupid, lazy, and making bad choices, lest you find yourself one day in the position of having to choose between eating Chef Boyardee and Oreos* from the food bank or going hungry…
Instead, when someone says that they cannot afford to eat organic, I would suggest a healthy dose of compassion and gentle offerings to help, getting to actually know the person and their situation, and perhaps even dropping off a bag of that farmer’s market organic produce that you find so easy to come by.
***
Dear Middle Class America: A little less condescension and little more understanding would probably do us all a world of good. Please don’t make me want to throw my homemade yogurt in your face because it’s my kids’ favourite snack and milk costs a lot of money.
Sincerely and with respect,
Beth
* We did in fact receive Chef Boyardee and Oreos in our pre-made boxes of stuff from the food bank (we had almost zero choice about what to take) but passed it on to some young students down the street that willingly took it. We kept things like canned tomatoes and tuna, and the $50 voucher for produce at the grocery store that got us through to the next pay day.
Katie Stanley
Thank you for your honesty Beth! My family is one of those families that regardless of how well we eat have been effected by cancer among many other health issues. My mom, aunt and cousin are some of the healthiest eaters I know yet they all have/had cancer. They are the first survivors in 5 generations. (Yes there have been THAT many people in my family with cancer.) I’m doing my best to eat as well as I can in hopes to prevent that from happening to me. Yet all those “better” options don’t make my budget all the time. For awhile I felt guilty being a “nourishing real food blogger” but coming to a point at not being able to afford all those things. Blessings!!
Beth Ricci
Yup, I’ve heard so many of those stories. Of course, healthy eating is defined differently by everyone, but regardless – those who are trying to eat healthy don’t need to be told that cancer is “their fault”. Ugh. Thanks for sharing your thoughts!
Dragonladyusps
HERE EFFIN HERE! I love your blog already! I have been thinking this for the longest time. There are several blogs I do like to be subscribed to as they have nice recipes and ideas, but i get SOOOO frustrated at the attitudes. Heck, in the one they were talking about their NANNY. Really? A nanny? she can buy 10 dozen eggs at a time.> For a week.
i GET SO TIRED OF PEOPLE ASSUMING ABOUT MY LIFE AND SITUATION. I work nights. I am going to have to get ANOTHER job, so am trying to figure out when to sleep (and golly gee they have shown that lack of sleep has VERY detrimental effects on health). I am a single mom. I cooked scratch all last year and it took every spare minute I had. I just dont have the time anymore. Maybe if they could get me a wife…… I have a pitifully small apt, with no storage, an itty bitty freezer, no balcony, few windows. I am told routinely to plant my own stuff. I WOULD LOVE TO. I cant. I would love to cook from scratch all the time. I go without a fancy phone and going out and doing things. i keep cable because otherwise I would be completely and utterly isolated from the world with my work schedule and I suffer depression enough already. I cant buy in bulk. I dont have the room to can and bottle and keep six tons of food. i would love to. It would probably make things a lot easier.
I loved the comments about having a car and the implications we are selfish because we have one. Really? We dont all live in NYC or a place with public transportation. If you all can get away with not having a car I applaud you. I cant.
Just because I am saying its expensive does not mean I feel the organic farmer is overpaid. I KNOW they are not. I simply dont have the cash either. If we actually go back farmers lived to feed their families first THEN sell the extras. people had their own gardens to subsidize things. Many of us CANT do this. Feel good if you can, but stop smashing us that cant and assume we are all stupid worthless people who simply dont care. Thats like telling a person in the middle of drought stricken Africa they should have planned better and rationed their water…
Give ideas. Give support. Stop giving us the guilt trip and lording over because we question 6$ a pound chicken and 10$ a pint berries.
Beth Ricci
I hear ya! Thanks for joining in my ranting! The attitudes can be so very frustrating… this time I just finally had to speak up! I’m with you – I don’t question the validity of buying organic/non-processed/grass-fed etc… I just honestly can’t afford it right now. And for some people, I guess, that’s hard to understand!
Angie
By the way, I’m glad you weighed in on the facebook discussion. In addition to the fact that I really appreciate this discussion, I had never seen your blog before. I’m looking forward to reading more of your posts. 🙂
Beth Ricci
That’s awesome! I hope you comment often so I can hear your perspective too. Glad to have you here! 🙂
April Kerr
Trouble is that most people want to eat “pretty” vegetables so perfectly good organic produce never even ends up on the supermarket shelves because they don’t pass the beauty test.
Also people only want to eat prime cuts of meat and are squeamish at the thought of eating heart, tongue and cheek. Yet these cuts, even from organically reared animals, would be affordable.
Beth Ricci
Well, where I live, even the organic produce is smaller and not as pretty as the regular stuff… but still significantly more expensive.
And the meat – that’s why I’ve only been buying ground beef and chicken carcasses from my supplier… they’re the cheapest things we can get (I don’t think they sell heart/tongue/cheek).
I choose to eat a lot of shepherd’s pie and soup in order to have quality meat products, which is a significant sacrifice, in my opinion, since I could just get grocery store meat and have the more expensive types and cuts instead. I miss chicken and steak!
Angie
My neighbor overheard me talking about eating liver & heart, so he asked me if I wanted the organs when they killed their cows (which lived in the pasture right next to our back yard). We were blessed to get two beef hearts and a tongue & liver (someone else wanted some, too) a few months ago. Maybe you could ask the meat supplier what they do with the liver, heart, & tongue. If they are just not selling them due to a lack of demand, you may be able to get a good deal on them, and they’re often the most nutritious parts of the animal.
Beth Ricci
That’s a good idea! I’d have to get brave and figure out how to cook them, but I know that the organ meats are extremely high in iron and really good for you (so long as they are grass-fed meats).
Angie
I cook the heart in water in a crock pot (cut it up if it’s too big to fit in whole or if you want to only use part of it at a time). It’s ideal cooked in at least part bone broth, though, if you have some. Then I still use the bone broth for other soups & stuff. The liver is good sliced thin & fried in plenty of butter, although I loved the liver pate I tried once – I just don’t know how to make pate. The tongue I hear makes fantastic taco meat if it’s done right, but mine is still in my freezer. I’ll let you know if/when I ever find out how to cook it. 🙂
Erica / NW Edible
If so you can get organ meats or tongue cheap or free they grind well and you mix them with ground beef. This is great in things like chili where there’s a lot of seasoning to hide any gaminess to the organ meats.
Hhramblings
I’m so sorry that so many of your FB comments were hurtful and offensive to you. We do need a healthy dose of love and compassion for others… I commend you on your efforts to feed your family well on a dime. I am also a stay-at-home-mom and my husband’s income is either feast or famine. We don’t have cell phones bills (except I have a basic pre-paid with minimal minutes for emergencies when we’re out), no cable, no car payments, etc. and we try to set as much money back during the feasting to help us get through the famine. We are fortunate to have very fertile soil and put out a large garden every year, in which I put up the produce to help get us through. I also, like you, try to make most everything from scratch. I try to buy organic when possible, and healthy when it’s not. But, there are times, like you said when the money is just not there. We’ve been there for the past while. I’m shopping at the discount stores now and I know that we’re not eating as well as we have been in the past. My digestion is off and I’m dealing with congestion. I know it’s from our diet, but what do you do? Simply the best you can. My encouragement to you is the same that I try to remember myself – God knows right where we are. And, I believe his grace will get us through these times. The 91st Psalm says that ‘when we drink any deadly thing it will not hurt us at all’. I believe that with the pesticides and GMO’s and things in the conventional food supply that this scripture is very appropriate for those circumstances. I just try to rest in the fact that God is our heavenly Father and he loves us. He knows our situation and he has provided for that. To think that we are in complete control by our food choices is pompous and playing God anyhow. So, be encouraged today. Keep your eyes on your goal and don’t let the criticism of others get you discouraged or distracted. 🙂 You are blessed beyond measure in ways that money can’t buy!
Beth Ricci
Thankfully it wasn’t comments of my own FB friends – it was a thread on the FB page of a popular foodie blog that I happened to read.
Thanks for your understanding and encouragement. Doing the best we can with what we have is all any of us can do, and we can trust God to take care of the rest.
grace.furman01
I can understand some of what you’re feeling. Though my husband and I don’t have children, we are living off of my near minimum wage while my husband is unemployed and attending university. We do our best to eat nutritious, almost entirely homemade food. Certainly more so than our general peer group. I will never forget the long and shaming lecture we received one day in the middle of the grocery store from a middle aged woman (a stranger) about what a poor choice we were making by picking up the mainstream spinach instead of organic. She asked how could we possibly justify that decision when our health was at stake, just because of price? I couldn’t believe she had the gall to make assumptions about our life in that way. I was irritated, but I also felt guilty and somewhat humiliated.
I am so sorry to hear that you had such a bad response. From what I’ve read on your blog, I would say it’s obvious that you are doing amazing and making huge efforts. Thank you for being an inspiration and a role model. Thank you also for your strength and honesty as you tackle these assumptions
Beth Ricci
How terrible! That woman was horribly rude – it was absolutely none of her business nor her right to lecture you, a stranger. I’m sorry you felt humiliated and judged. Yuck.
Angie
Jana – I have been considering what it really means to eat simply, locally, & with the seasons…I thought the same thing as you said about fresh greens. Now, though, I have just been reading a book called “The Forgotten Skills of Self-Sufficiency used by the Mormon Pioneers,” and the author says that our narrow window of harvest time is a fairly new thing – these pioneers not only stored things like squash & potatoes for the winter, they also had hardier varieties: winter lettuces, kale, spinach…and they overwintered cabbages for a spring harvest and ate things like dandelion greens in the very early spring, so there wasn’t as much of a gap in fresh produce as I thought there would have been. Interesting to consider. 🙂
Beth Ricci
That’s so interesting to me – the harvest time and eating less fresh produce in the winter months, etc. I think that could save a lot of money, and we do actually eat that way to some degree, but we could probably do better. We still buy things like bananas and lettuce year-round. I do love squash and potatoes though 🙂
Marci
Thanks for posting this. I’ve constantly beat myself up about our grocery budget. We’ve always tried to eat healthy …even more so since watching FOOD, INC. But it is seriously, seriously harder on the budget to eat well. Seriously. Organic food is expensive. We have planted a garden – we are fortunate that the soil in our area appears good – but haven’t harvested from it yet. And in the meantime, it is very, VERY expensive to eat more organic food. I struggle with guilt sometimes – you can go to COSTCO and pick up a whole cheap pack of chicken thighs to poach and freeze for meat for sandwiches and dinners and wonderful chicken stock. BUT it’s not organic. And the cost of organic meat makes my head reel. We’ve been checking out local farmers markets to find better prices on healthier meats, veggies, and fruits, but the fact remains: for a family carefully watching their grocery budget and meal planning etc, it is *still* consistently difficult to choose healthier, organic choices over the cheap, mass produced fare that’s currently available at most grocery stores. For anyone to suggest that healthy food really isn’t *that* expensive is ridiculous. I will tell you for a fact – it would be so much easier and more affordable to grocery shop if we didn’t have to think about natural, healthy living too. I also feel like organically raised meat and produce is put on sale far less than the unhealthy stuff….grocers aren’t stupid: they know people are catching on to the importance of what they eat, and they’re happy to profit from the new health craze. Which makes it all the more difficult to eat well and balanced meals on a budget!
It’s like there’s a new ethics about eating well, and it’s getting to the point of being extreme. I’m all for eating well, but every time I hear someone suggest that prioritizing is the key to eating well, I question why their view is so off kilter…..healthy food isn’t cheap. And I’ve been checking out butcher shop after butcher shop, farmers market after farmers market…..It isn’t cheap to eat well where we live, and I just don’t think many people realize how many variables are at play.
I also wanted to encourage you that you’re doing a great job in all your efforts to feed your family well. I make a lot from scratch, but I’m not where you are yet…it wasn’t something I was raised with, so it’s taking more work to learn how to eat better. I know it’s hard, but I can’t help but think things won’t always be this hard, with how fervently you’re working to stretch each dollar. Chin up, mama :). You’re in my thoughts and prayers….
Beth Ricci
It IS really difficult and expensive when you don’t have a middle/upper-class income, and that’s what (some) people just don’t seem to understand.
A note about organic meat: I’d rather have grass-fed beef or pasture-raised chickens from a local farmer than grocery store organic meat. I think the latter is less important than the former.
Thanks for the encouraging words! 🙂
Marci
Thanks for the tip! I will definitely try to focus more on grass fed/pasture fed…so many terms our there. Arrrgh!
Angie
I agree with you! I have gone over & over my budget. I have tried things that didn’t work out well. I have tried things that worked ok even when they weren’t ideal. I have been frustrated as can be when looking at yet another list of “how to eat organic/whole/etc. on a budget” only to find that I’m already doing everything on the person’s list, plus more, and that they are paying higher prices on some items than I am. I know there are others I know who want to eat healthier than their budgets allow. Maybe you’re right – that we just aren’t talking about it…I say that we need more honesty, more compassion, and probably more willingness to accept help from time to time. Best of luck to you & your family. Thank you for your wonderful post!
Beth Ricci
Yup, I know those lists well – I’ve yet to find any actual good suggestions for saving grocery money that I’m not already doing. Most of them are things like “make your own” (I do), “menu plan” (I do), or “eat more beans” (I do). Also – buying stuff on sale, buying reduced produce, using more frugal ingredients, etc. etc. I do all of that already.
Not being able to afford things/having a very tight budget is so often attached with shame, and I think that’s a serious problem. Until people are willing to talk and share about these things honestly, how can we really truly help each other? I’ve been blessed so much by local friends in the last few months as I’ve shared some frustrations with my mom group. They’ve thanked me for the opportunity to be a blessing as they’ve done things like dropped off a jar of honey or a bunch of bananas.
The hardest part is being humble enough to accept help and not be ashamed of needing it.
Angie
I struggle to accept/ask for help, too, but I think I’m starting to realize that it really IS a blessing to help someone else (I love to do it!), and therefore, my not asking for the help we need is really denying others the joy of helping…I think you’re right: humility is key. 🙂
Jana
I want to thank you for this brave post Beth. I know it must have taken a lot of courage to write it. It’s so good to read such an honest and clearly-written post that makes us aware of our (often incorrect) assumptions about other people (as mentioned below).
We struggle financially too, since we live in one of the most expensive cities in NA, and we have just one income for the three of us, since both my son and I are university students. It has been tough, but as I read this post, I realized how very much we’ve had all this long while, even when I thought we didn’t have much. Thank you for opening my eyes to the reality of what must be for many different people around the continent.
It’s so easy to just glibly assume that people who don’t buy natural or organic food (and I’ve really gone beyond those terms now, as many times they are meaningless) are somehow just not making the right choices, as you said. It sounds like you have made a superhuman effort to feed your family very nutritious food even while struggling with what sounds like a very tight budget. Your diet may not be glamorous (ours isn’t either), but it sounds highly nutritious and nutrient-dense. With all the choices before us today, we tend to forget that our ancestors really ate very simply, and just did not have the array of food to choose from as we do now. They ate what was available, nearby, in season. So this meant no fresh produce for months and months out of the year. Right now I’m trying to think about doing without lettuce or greens the whole winter long, and it seems hard. Yet, this is how people lived, not by choice, but because that was the natural rhythm of the landscape. Not to try to romanticize it, but it sounds very much to me as though you are, perhaps not by choice, living in tune with those natural rhythms, something most of us have forgotten how to do.
I commend you on your hard work and creative efforts to feed your family in the face of financial constraint. And I want to remind you that, in the words of someone wise, “this too, shall pass,” and things will get easier. We’re brought through lean times for a reason, though that may sound trite and I’m sure you already realize this. Have you ever read or heard of “Appointment in Jerusalem” by Lydia Prince? I am always inspired by her stories of terribly lean times and how her needs were met, in miraculous and unexpected ways. In the past, our family has experienced similar struggles, with little money and a baby to provide for. In every instance, our needs were met in the same miraculous and unexpected ways. They may not have always been our preferences, but, we never starved or lacked for what we truly needed.
God bless you!
Marci
Loved your emphasis on the natural rhythms of the landscape – easy to forget when I go to the grocery store!
Jana
Thanks Marci, I know, I tend to forget too!
Beth Ricci
I do too! And those cheap (non-organic – GASP) strawberries are very tempting in March… but they taste like cardboard because they are not in season (here) and artificially ripened, etc. So not worth it.
Angie
Jana – I have been considering what it really means to eat simply, locally, & with the seasons…I thought the same thing as you said about fresh greens. Now, though, I have just been reading a book called “The Forgotten Skills of Self-Sufficiency used by the Mormon Pioneers,” and the author says that our narrow window of harvest time is a fairly new thing – these pioneers not only stored things like squash & potatoes for the winter, they also had hardier varieties: winter lettuces, kale, spinach…and they overwintered cabbages for a spring harvest and ate things like dandelion greens in the very early spring, so there wasn’t as much of a gap in fresh produce as I thought there would have been. Interesting to consider. 🙂
Jana
I knew about things like squash, potatoes, and onions being stored over the winter, but completely forgot about things like hardy winter greens and cabbages! Great point, and yes, very interesting to consider!
Beth Ricci
Thank-you so much for your kind and encouraging words. It did in fact take a lot of courage to publish this post, and though not everyone understood it fully, the vast majority responded with such amazing understanding and encouragement – it’s been great.
You know, eating simply is definitely underrated. We lived in Tanzania for 3 months, and ate pretty well the same thing all the time – a rotation of perhaps 3 or 4 basic meals, and it was fine. We were fed and that was that. Somehow our culture has come to hold far grander expectations about the diversity and richness of our plates.
I’ve never heard of that book, but I will look it up for sure.
Thanks again 🙂
Jaemaree
This sounds like two different conversations entirely. It took a lot of courage to leave a job to pursue a dream and to have three children. Those things are special priorities for some folks, and they make the discussion about buying quality food sort of moot. Those are choices though, and they are important ones (so I guess we represent that middle class). In our case, we each very pointedly chose to work jobs that were decent even if not perfect dreams; and for us it took a lot of courage to have the second child (particularly financially). We have friends living lives similar to what you describe, and we just pursued different paths with priorities. With those friends, I’m not sure it would ever make sense to talk about financial choices as regards food. It’s like two different worlds. We love each other very much, but some things are just too distinct to render relatable.
Beth Ricci
I don’t think the conversation that I am having has anything to do with the choice to pursue your desired career or have your desired amount of children.
The thread of comments that I am responding to (linked in the post) was berating people for making fast food and beer and weekly movie tickets a priority over and above organic food, and making the assumption that those who say that they cannot afford organic food are simply choosing other indulgences instead. I am simply pointing out that this is a presumptuous thing to say because not everyone is choosing fancy cars over organic produce.
I’m not sure if I’m totally understanding your point, or if you really understood mine, but that’s ok. Thanks for weighing in anyway.
Jaemaree
What I’m trying to say without being judgmental I hope is that choosing to follow dreams that are related to children and profession usurped those priorities of organic food and the like. (I totally agree that it’s not tantamount to fancy cars and beers though!)
I’m also saying that those of us in the middle class who value lifestyle highly make choices at times to accomplish it (whether it be working particular jobs that might not be every aspect of our dreams or having fewer children).
Not everyone’s choices look the same when they feel they’re following their core/heart, and even people who are trying to help others understand that perhaps they could eat better. So while I don’t think it’s right to judge (particularly a valiant homemaker like yourself!), it’s not fair to judge the middle class either.
Most poor people I know don’t make choices anything like yours, and those folks need a wake up call just like I did and always do.
Sadieanne
I see what Jaemaree is saying since your first couple paragraphs explained why you were in the financial situation you were in and they had to do with school bills, and present job situation. Had you stayed in the city and kept a higher paying job, you would likely be able to afford to buy 1/2 grass fed beef cow and all the organic fresh produce you wanted. So, your dream job/calling have trumped certain food choices, but many of those food choices could be considered luxury. I fail to see how adding children effects finances though, the only area of financial stress for us in adding children was the hospital bill for the delivery, and that was in the states. I doubt Beth will feel the financial stress of having many children until they are older school age and eating large amounts of food.
Sadieanne
I short, I think she’s saying that you chose to be poor. HA! But she’s saying it nicer. that’s okay Beth, I chose to be poor too.
Jaemaree
I am saying that, Sadieanne, but I hope you don’t think I’m saying it’s a bad choice.
Jaemaree
I should probably put in the devil’s advocate position, however, that as an American, I might become sketchy about families choosing ways of life that might rely on our tax dollars on purpose.
Beth Ricci
I’d love hear you explain this more – do you think that’s what we did?
Jaemaree
I see what you mean about expenses as regards children–if you stay at home, avoid illnesses found in schools/daycares, can nurse etc., it’s probably not that much. 🙂 In truth, I really do admire that way of doing things; and I learn tons from mamas/families who do. Still, when my husband and I started our family, we weighed a lot of things and ended where we are now.
Beth Ricci
Thanks for joining the convo, Sades. I agree about the minimal cost of kids. With the job thing – see my explanation above.
🙂
kotoula01
I saw this in my facebook feed somehow, and I feel compelled to comment. I was in a similar situation with having a pile of kids (4 sons) and living on a $13k/yr income in Winnipeg Canada in the early 90s. I had to stay home as there is no way in heck daycare was remotely affordable. We used the food bank, I remember asking them ‘why can’t you give me a bag of flour and a huge bag of rice instead of all this processed one serving crap and canned food’ It was horrible.
My father in law was an organic gardener who grew a full root cellar of produce that lasted us all winter, carrots, cabbage, beets, turnips etc. We ate those all winter along with a 100lb bag of lentils that I made into soup and was eaten several times a week. Buying food at a store was almost impossible, never mind organic.
However, I did find and join an organic buying club and we made bulk monthly orders to the supply warehouse in Vancouver and it was delivered to a different members house every month. That person had to sort the whole load out into orders and collect the money. We always had 2 boxes of apples grown in BC (Similkameen Valley) for $38 each for 40lbs, and my kids ate at least 2 apples per day. So we were able to eat ‘organic’ even tho we were very very poor. Not organic meat tho, no way. Until deer hunting season, when we filled the freezer with dear meat, grass fed and organic. Lots of hunters donate their meat to food banks and you can call and ask about it, or go on hunting forums and ask. Some hunters I know would LOVE to donate their meat to a lower income family!!!
Fast forward to today, 2012, I’m now a single mom and barely making ends meet in Calgary, but I’d say 90% of my food is organic, or from the farmers market that runs all year. I order my beef from Bite Beef, grass fed and finished, and my last order worked out to $3.47/lb which is cheaper than lots of grocery stores. I went on to have one more son, and he’s now 13 and he understands my struggle to feed him well. I only buy him the sheep milk from the organic store that costs $6/2litre, but he doesn’t dare waste it, and I only buy it every other week. I can’t afford organic cheese, but I buy the Belanger gouda that is sold in costco for around $1.40/100g, and that is reasonably affordable. We are gluten free as well, and it is a challenge sometimes to make ends meet. You obviously are resourceful and smart as a whip so you will make it and eventually be able to afford that 1/2 cow from a grass fed farmer (or bison)
My own parents thought I was nuts buying ‘organic’ apples back in the day when we could barely make ends meet, but it’s paid off in spades I tell ya. My 4 older sons are now in their 20s and they are all incredibly healthy and conscious of what they eat
I don’t care if my beef is ‘organic’ I just want it raised on it’s natural diet of grass and hay, and not fed toxic GMO corn and soy ‘cattle feed’ So organic is misleading as I’m sure you know. I buy naturally raised chicken necks and backs, I roast them, eat the skin and take all the meat off then boil the bones to make broth. This farmer isn’t ‘organic’ but his chicken isn’t raised with torture and with garbage feed. I have visited his farm and it’s the only time I’ve been in a chicken barn that didn’t stink…amazing.
You are so brave for posting about your struggle and I do believe that making a choice to be poor for a time while your husband works up the ladder is the right way to go. Staying in a dead end job is not the answer. Having 5 sons has been chaotic and expensive at times, but they have had to learn to be self sufficient at a young age, earn their own spending money, get part time jobs at age 14 etc. Family dinners now are amazing with all that youthful energy in the room. It’s worth it, so keep up the fight.
Beth Ricci
I see what you’re saying, but I do think it’s actually a bit more complicated than you might think (isn’t it always? it’s so hard to get a whole picture from one blog post)…
You see – though we chose this current life of being “poor”, the alternative was to stay in a dead-end job with no room for significant advancement. It would never pay more than enough to rent the dumpy townhouse we were in, scrimping and living month-to-month (though making far more than we make now!) and never having any hope of ever saving enough for a house or anything “middle-class-ish” like an all-organic diet, vacations, etc. Financially we would have been “ok” but tight, for the rest of our lives, and probably life-long renters in a large city where real estate is terribly expensive.
With the aviation road, however, there is significant opportunity to one day make enough to achieve certain things like buying a home and spending more on our grocery budget without worrying about it all the time. The thing is, pilots start out at the very bottom of the ladder and make next to nothing as flight instructors – it’s an industry-wide thing. You have to work your way up in this profession, it takes time, and in the meantime you are “poor”.
So. Yes we chose to pursue hubby’s dream job of aviation, but the alternative wasn’t much of an option, really.
And with the number of kids we’re having, yeah I agree with Sadie – having number 3 and possibly beyond probably will not cost us very much at all, at least in these first years while we wait as hubby advances in the industry.
Hope that explains more of where we’re coming from! Thanks for sharing your thoughts!
Beth Ricci
Oh, and PS – I don’t think I ever judged the middle class for choosing money over things like kids or dreams… or for anything really.. I was reacting to their presumptions about ME. If I came across as judging the middle class somehow, please show me where so I can correct myself!
Natasha
As part of middle class America (Canada), I want to thank you for this post. As of late, I have become more acutely aware of the assumptions and judgements people make on others, even when they can’t possibly understand the full situation. This needs to stop… you are so right in saying that a little more understanding (and grace) of one another would go a long way in making this world a better place.
I’ve also never really liked the way that food banks hand out food… to me, it just doesn’t make a lot of sense. While I understand they don’t want stockpiles of that food that few people want, those pre-made hampers do nothing to support that families all have different dietary needs and preferences.
I think you are doing a great job providing for the needs for your family. And your creative meal example sounds remarkably yummy! I may use that as the inspiration for one of our meals this week. Thanks!
Beth Ricci
Thanks Natasha… it’s a human epidemic – this judging others thing, and it’s really not at all helpful. What’s that saying about walking a mile in someone else’s shoes? Yeah.
Yeah, the food bank thing is so frustrating. I could have written an entire rant on that. Maybe one day. For starters – our son is gluten-free, and so couldn’t eat 95% of the stuff they made us take (we told them he couldn’t eat it and they still made us take the stuff saying that we could just drop it back off in the food bank box if we didn’t want it. How bizarre.)
That meal actually was really yummy.. I kind of made it up so now I need to try to recreate it because we all very much enjoyed it! 🙂
Sadieanne
Beth, you are amazing!! I don’t believe anyone deserves such biting comments, but especially not you. I don’t think those commenters really understand being poor, and having a very very limited grocery budget. I’ve never been to the food back, but I can imagine the kind of foods are there, judging by what it says on the white board at IGA for what they “need”. I’ve been in your shoes a couple years ago, but Oregon had one of the best food assistance programs, and I remember hearing comments from my own family about “those lazy people on welfare”. That felt great. And if you’re looking for an amazing new way to have beans, try the fermented bean paste page 103 in NT. It’s a huge hit here!
Beth Ricci
Thanks Sadie. Yup, that was exactly it – most middle/upper-class folks just don’t understand what it’s like to have such a tight budget to work with, and many insensitive assumptions are made. I just needed to clear a few things up 🙂
Jillian Mitchell
Beth, this is terrible! People simply do not understand what it is like to struggle without money while trying to feed your family nutritious food. We too have experienced the less than ideal foods distributed via the food pantry and I must say its sad, they actually handed me a dozen red velvet cupcakes the last time I went! It sounds to me as though many of these people commenting on your blog are more excited about the status that “buying organic” gives them than the actual cost of the food they are buying. If I had all the money they apparently have at their disposal I would probably buy all my food at farmers’ markets, and whole foods markets too, but the fact of the matter is that I do not. I try to give my family the best I can with what little we do have. We keep our thermostat at 68 in the winter and we don’t have air conditioning, we don’t have cable, or satellite tv, and we don’t have cell phone bills. We have a mortgage, I am a full time student, and my husband has to commute 45 minutes each way to get to work. I pack his lunch every morning, he never buys fast food. I pack lunch if we do go some place and will be away from home at the lunching hour. We do everything we can to make our dollars stretch as far as possible. It is often not enough but we do our best and if that means that I cannot buy all organic or locally grown foods well that is the way it is. You keep doing as you are doing and know that there are those of us who understand. You may not be able to do everything you want to do good for your family but you can have the peace of mind that you are doing your best so the hell with the rest of those fools.
Beth Ricci
A dozen cupcakes? Yuck. What a way to try to nourish your family. They were probably past their expiry date, too, like most things handed out at food banks.
Thanks for understanding, and on that last line of yours? I feel ya, mama, I SO do 🙂
Jillian Mitchell
It truly is shameful, do people who are trying so hard to feed their families healthy foods not deserve to be provided with healthy foods when seeking assistance? I know it is donations a lot of the time, but I find it sad.
Oh and I know you feel me hon, I know you do:)
Kmarie
I completely get this too. Our worst months are usually December until May. For now it’s a relief but over the last decade we have probably frequented the food bank at least 8 times and I have to say I have been tempted to write about the experience too. Twice everything had worms, when I checked the dates on the cans and dressings it was over two to four years past the due date, and the rest was crap…but we had to eat the crap because we were hungry. I felt bad for the people who have a full year of having to rely on that. I know it’s still food and people still try but in this culture- it should not be that way. ( worms and botulism.)
I have been where you are and the condension really really hurts…and I felt the judgement. So much so that I started to explain all my purchases to those I felt a slight to big amount of judgement like; “Oh my mother got me those.” Or “I found that at the thrift shop for less than a dollar- can you believe that?” or “Someone gave us movie tickets so we thought we would splurge for gas.” or “that is just a transplanted plant from in the other room- it’s not new.” We are lucky to have my parents and grandparents here…in the winters they send food our way and we eat what we get. My grandma likes to send too many treats. I give some away but feel guilty if I don’t eat some of her gifts but when those certain people come to my house, I madly run around hiding it. ridiculous. I realized i was catering to judgement so now I try to live unapologetically but old habits die long deaths I guess.
I loved all your points. Poor growing soil and short season is why I gave up on my garden. i was spending more and only peas sprouted up – some have the touch- some do not.
As for circumstances- no one should judge. We all have good ways to live life. Some need different “stuff” to enjoy the quality. From that list I do go to movies with my hubby and it keeps our marriage strong because we do not do sports or anything for fun. We like our movies. Also, I have my iphone and it has kept me on time to most things and remember most times ect, plus I need music everywhere with a phone to feel safe and drown sensory overload. It’s different for everyone but I make sacrifices in other areas for that.
You are doing an excellent job. We have one short life- we will go through different stages at different times. If we see each other making purchases it means someone gave us that or we had extra or whatever. It does not matter It does not mean we may be doing better either. It is always dependent month to month for us because of my hubby’s work. SOmetimes we splurge, sometimes we tighten so much it sucks and I cry on my hubby’s shoulder.
I loved your honesty. I loved every breakdown you made. I needed this. Really, really needed this!:)
Beth Ricci
I TOTALLY understand feeling the need to explain, to justify… whenever I head out for a cup of tea here in town for a little me-time (not as often lately because we’ve been even tighter than usual) I worry people will see me and judge me for spending money when they know we’re “poor”.
It’s so true that we should not be judging one another’s choices… it can be so tempting, but really – we all make our own decisions based on things that others just can’t possibly understand the extent of because they’re not us. It’s a good lesson to learn in life for when I’m tempted to judge others!
Jillian Mitchell
Justification is such a big thing! I even feel that I have to justify my expenditures to family sometimes. When they give that raised eyebrow of a comment alluding to the expense. When asked why I am growing my hair out my response was that I cannot afford to maintain my hair cut, yeah its only 20 dollars a month, but that is a lot.
Jessica
Those danged Americans! 🙂 I’m afraid I’m very much heading toward your position soon now that we’re in Canada and (for the moment) unemployed. I have to go grocery shopping for the first time today and I’m stressing about doing it efficiently!
Beth Ricci
Hoping your grocery trip wasn’t too stressful! Stuff can be a lot more expensive here in Canada, but you’ll get used to it and find ways to make it work 🙂
Lola
ack, I’ve so been there. This last winter was really hard. Things are looking up here because food is growing but we still eat a whole lot of white rice, beans and stock and potatoes. I was in the grocery store the other day and looked at a pair of chicken breasts for sale for eight dollars and realized that there was a time I would have just grabbed them without thinking. Now there is NO WAY we could eat like that. I wish you were closer so we could share in our autumn harvest/slaughter. I’m looking forward to a full freezer again. and I’ve got my twenty two hanging above my sliding glass door in case one of those stupid crows tries to eat one of my meat chickens. I’ll eat him too… just kidding 🙂 I don’t eat crow. haha.
Anyway, good post. I pray you are blessed immensely by local generosity and that whatever you eat nourishes your baby making body. Love…
Beth Ricci
Yup, that used to be us too – I used to grocery shop with no real budget, and just buy whatever I felt like buying. Those days are long gone, and at the time I never realized how privileged I was.
Hope you enjoy your home-grown chickens… and maybe crow… haha!
I wish we were closer too, for a dozen reasons! xo.
Leslie
Appreciate this candid post, Beth. Our struggles with finances have put us in much the same position as you with Joe working a commission job and going to school, and me home with the baby (no mat leave pay). I admire your determination. I’m sure you know this already but it’s nice to be reminded:
You ARE doing a good job, you’re a good mommy and your children are very blessed to have you. 🙂
Beth Ricci
Thank-you for your words of encouragement Les, it really does mean a lot, and you’re right – it’s nice to hear those words!!
Stewfig
Not sure where to begin but I feel you whole heartedly. … And so poignant your final words “A little less condescension and little more understanding would probably do us all a world of good.” I agree.
Anyway … I am originally from a small Caribbean island which once survived off of banana farming though much has changed. A couple of years ago, I lived in Vermont and fell in love with their ability to grow their own food and make their own products. So have you ever considered starting a little home garden?
Beth Ricci
Thanks for your understanding and encouragement. Unfortunately, as I mentioned in my post, a garden wouldn’t work for us at this time. It’s a great idea in theory though, and I hope to have one some day!
marissa
Ah, Beth, I feel your hurt. It is really hard knowing what your family needs for nutrition and struggling continually to provide that. It’s hard and its not fun (I hate it) but it has helped me to realize some of the pride that I had in that area. Those comments are everything that you said they are and I have wanted to write a rant like this about people’s sanctimonious attitudes…but then I have realized that I have sent the same message to others through my blog (don’t know if you saw my recent post about that). Those comments are different in that lots of them are just rude, but I’ve realized how easy it is to make others feel attacked even when I think I am being careful. So if I have ever added to your stress, I’m sorry.
Not to mention, because finances, or lack there of, are such a taboo subject when talked about honestly, I find it hard to explain ideals in balance with what our bank book allows. Especially because my family also reads my blog:). So sometimes, I wonder if we are all struggling to feed our families well but not talking about it. I’ve actually been wanting to write about eating in the leaner times because I know that I could use some moral support in that area.
Anyways, I think that you answered ignorant misconceptions really well. And I think that your dedication to feeding your family is amazing. You are doing a great job. Love you!
Beth Ricci
Thanks for understanding and getting it. I’d love to hear your rant, and no your words were never taken that way – don’t worry! You are one of the most balanced people I know when it comes to kindness and honesty.
Thanks for your encouragement, my friend. xo.