While I sit back and do nothing but breastfeeding and enjoying the eight-days-old babe currently snoozing on my chest, I’ve arranged some guest posts for you to enjoy here on the blog. (And yes, I’m nearly done writing my birth story… I’ve been somewhat unmotivated due to this being my third babe and knowing exactly how quickly these first days fly by. Needless to say, I’ve been savouring the moments and enjoying the babymooning).
Today I am honoured to host the first part of this three-part guest series from Naomi – one of very best friends in the world. She’s a mama to a darling boy that I have not met nearly often enough due to there being over two thousand miles between us. Her breastfeeding story is inspiring and encouraging. Please join me in welcoming her to Red & Honey!
Most natural mamas I’ve met acknowledge that breast is best; however, very few of these mamas have had a trouble-free breastfeeding experience. Everyone has had to fight some kind of breastfeeding battle.
Beth has to kindly allowed me to share with you my advice and my story to you her readers while she takes her ‘baby moon’ and basks in the glow of post birth love hormones with her new babe. (Hope you are enjoying those newborn snuggles!)
Firstly, my breastfeeding advice to any parent is sweet and simple.
1 – Get Educated: Learn all you can. Learn why breast is best, and especially why formula is not. Learn about the complications that can occur with breastfeeding. Learn about remedies for issues and where to buy them. Learn about latching techniques and how to stop troubles.
Do not be content to trust others, even if they are lactation consultants or doctors with the best intentions.
Educating yourself will allow you to make the best decisions BEFORE you are faced with complications and feel tried, frustrated and are particularly vulnerable to bad advice or suggestions. It is also important that your partner educate himself as well, as he will need to support your decisions and help you.
2 – Find Support: Find other breastfeeding mamas in your community. Join a La Leche League group or another breastfeeding support group. Find post partum doulas who can help, they are worth every penny.
Know the different lactation consultants in your area and choose which one you would visit BEFORE babe is born.
Take a pre-natal breastfeeding class. Make sure your partner is committed to your breastfeeding, he will be your biggest help. Also, be aware of online breastfeeding help like the Newman Clinic (located in Toronto) which has many resources on their website.
Finally, read or listen to stories like mine (below): stories that will encourage you and remind you that you are not alone. Breastfeeding is best, but it can also be the most difficult. Read on for my story.
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On April 7, 2011, our firstborn son, Ransom, joined the outside world joyously in our home. He began nursing like a champ but as those newborn baby days carried on I found myself losing that sense of wonder and bliss and spiralling into frustration and sadness as day after day I was completely immobilized by this tiny, precious, ever-hungry being. Within a few weeks I had mastered doing everything while breastfeeding: cooking, cleaning, eating, sleeping, using the bathroom and even picking berries.
I had prepared myself for the physical demands of breastfeeding, but not the psychological. I knew that breastfeeding meant lots of time just sitting while baby ate…but I did not realize that it meant losing almost everything else I did, everything I felt that made me, “me”. My nature to be moving and active was stopped short by this little creation that needed me to sit still so he could eat. It drove me mad.
I don’t like to think I was depressed but I was definitely sad for weeks. I felt like I had lost myself and that I would never again do more than sit and nurse this baby. I felt like an invalid, needing the world to come to me, where as before I was self sufficient. I was impatient with breastfeeding, it was interrupting my wants, needs and desires. But most of all I felt like I wasn’t contributing to anything, like I was useless, good for nothing more than a milk machine.
I had no choice though but to ride the wave. That little baby wanted to eat and I had no choice but to be there to feed him. However, those days turned into weeks and a month or two and Ransom and I began to find some rhythm and routine. Suddenly, as we joined the world together as a pair, those quiet moments we would have to steal away to nurse turned into beautiful little times of reflection and peace.
I began to learn that my identity didn’t come from what I did, and that I was contributing more by nourishing my baby than I ever did washing the dishes or doing laundry.
I also learned that slowing down, though so very against my nature, was something that was good for me so I could stop and reflect on what was going on around me, rather than rushing through it to get something, anything done.
Fourteen months later, I miss breastfeeding. I watch my friends nurse their babes and long for those stolen moments of solitude with just my baby again. I regret loathing breastfeeding at the start but those psychological demands are something that any mama would have a difficult time preparing for. You can know about it, but you never know just how bad it is until you are in the thick of it (similar to sleep deprivation). I am however, content that I found the joy of it and savoured that joy for a little while.
Breastfeeding is hard, it is challenging and it can be merciless at times but it is rewarding beyond measure for both mama and babe. The psychological toll it took on me, I believe, worked to humble me and worked to make me stronger, more resilient and over all a better mother.
Unfortunately, our breastfeeding battle did not end there. Read Part 2 of our 3-part story.
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Have you struggled with the psychological demands of breastfeeding?
Marci
I think I’m on the opposite end of the spectrum…
I never got to see my daughter till 6pm the day after she was delivered. She was in the NICU for complications. So it took her a whole month to latch. My midwives let me borrow their hospital grade breast pump and I pumped like a maniac. But of course, we couldn’t give her a bottle, because then she would’ve never learned to latch properly.So we had to finger feed her all my milk through a tube on my finger to help teach her to suck. It was slow enough that she was still interested in trying to attempt to nurse….she just couldn’t. After weeks and weeks of nursing appointments at the lactation clinic (sometimes basically camping at the lactation clinic to get more than one feeding in with the consultant….yes, I basically lived there), she finally latched. A month after birth.And I was just so thankful that I could stop pumping and finger feeding her, I felt nothing but grateful that she was finally nursing with a nice deep latch and staying on the boob all on her own…..so I just never felt resentful.I think, though, that it was the harried experience of trying to nurse for a whole month – and then her not latching and nursing well till the last possible second – that might have caused me to view finally nursing as pure heaven on earth lol :).She nursed till she weaned herself at 11 months. I’m at least thankful I could for the time I had.
Maybe if I had a normal healthy nursing relationship from the beginning, I would’ve started to want my freedom etc a lot earlier. So I realize this is all relative, too….she’s my only baby so far, so that’s all I have to go on.
Thanks for sharing your story!
Joyanne Hawkins
Good to know that I’m not the only one who has felt this way…
mommyrose
I have so been there, being frustrated just having to sit still for a while to nurse my sweet babies. I have 3 beautiful boys and though I nursed my first until he was almost 7 months it was a struggle as he was a very demanding baby and had a lot of reflux/colic issues. Also he would NOT latch properly. The whole time I nursed him I had to use a nipple shield, which was very annoying. With my second I regret so much only exclusively nursed him until 4 months! I wanted my freedom, for him to be able to take a bottle (didn’t think much about pumping). He did nurse until 6 months, but I wish it had been longer. He was weaned purely for my selfish reasons. With my youngest he nursed until 9 months! Again wish it could have been longer, but he kind of weaned himself. He’s 2 now and I miss breastfeeding sooo much! I think that is what I miss the most with having a baby.
Love the pictures. There is something so precious about seeing a mommy breastfeeding her baby. 🙂
Krista
Larissa
I can relate to this! I came from a family of La Leche leaguers and just assumed that regardless of physical struggles ( at one point, the hospital told me “Breast isn’t for every baby!!), I would find emotional joy in breastfeeding. Stacey is six months old and while I enjoy every minute of motherhood sometimes I am just plain TIRED of breastfeeding. I am learning to take it a day at a time, and to count my blessings that she has thrived on the breast after initial struggles. I’m looking forward to your later posts!
Naomi Coker
Hi Larissa.
That is wonderful that you grew up in a breastfeeding environment! What a great foundation to have! I’m sorry though that despite such a pro-bfd’ing family you still had struggles but kudos to you for sticking it out! And I found, personally, after those first few months it got easier as we found our rhythm – I hope you will too as you continue to count those blessings! Thanks for commenting!
Renee
I really appreciate this 🙂 I always felt like the crappiest mama on earth that I had such a hard time sitting still to nurse. I actually really struggled with supply with my first since I hemmorrhaged so badly and I dried up in 6 weeks. I really struggled with my second born too and made raw milk formula to supplement for the first 2 months and then I made enough to satisfy her with BM only past that but had to pump it all. I have beat myself up for not being a good nursing mama but I did what in could and I know now that I am a good mama whether I could nurse all day and night or not. My girls are extremely healthy only having 2 colds ever and they are secure and loving. Thank you for being so open and honest in your thoughts 🙂
Naomi Coker
Hi Renee.
A good mama, in my opinion, does what is best for her, her partner and her babies. It sounds to me like you did what was best for yourself and your girls so good for you!! 😀
And you are right, you’re not a good (or bad) mama depending on whether you breastfeed your babies or not. I have many mama friends who formula feed and I would never question their love, devotion or their quality as a good parent.
Thanks for commenting!