{20 weeks pregnant with number 3}

~

A bit of background: my first babe, our son, was born after being induced in a big city hospital and my doctor was the chief of obstetrics. I was a number being shuffled through a factory system, and I didn’t know any different. This was before my introduction to anything even remotely natural in birthing issues, and though I said I’d “try” it without an epidural, I eventually ended up getting one. Thankfully I didn’t have any further interventions (other than the Pitocin they gave me, despite already being in labour), and he was born safely into our arms.

My second babe, our daughter, was attended by our family doctor in our small-town hospital with my awesome doula by my side. I was introduced to natural birthing by now, having read Ina May’s Guide to Childbirth, and watched The Business of Being Born. I gave labored and birthed her completely drug and intervention-free (other than being induced with Cervidil). I was empowered and amazed by the incredible power of my mind and body as a woman.

Now, we are blessed to be just past the halfway point in our third pregnancy. We live in the same small-town now, and there are no midwives here. Our small-town hospital is not equipped for c-sections, so those who are high-risk are sent out to the city. I am fortunate enough to have had complication-free labours and deliveries, however this time we decided we really wanted to go with a midwife. We have to drive almost an hour and a half to the city to get there for each and every appointment, as well as for the birth itself, but we feel that it is completely worth it. (The vast difference in care with a midwife is a separate post in and of itself.)

Now, here’s where my dilemma comes in. Our plan is to drive to the city as soon as labour begins, and check in to the bed & breakfast that we know welcomes laboring and birthing women. I will labour comfortably in a home-like environment (not my home, but the next best thing, since the midwives won’t travel all the way to our town), and have a water birth in the birthing pool we plan to rent. We will stay for a few days then travel home after our third-day check-up with the midwife.

But.

It will cost us…

-       The home birth supplies (like renting the birthing pool, towels, etc).

-       The B&B for 3-4 nights.

-       Meals.

We were fine with this, and planning financially to save between now and then for the costs… until we found out that I could potentially have a midwife-attended water birth in the hospital. They have a room set up now for water births, and my midwives would still be my care providers. There would be no random doctors and nurses coming in and out while I’m laboring, no pressure to do anything I don’t want to do, the environment as I want it (dimmed lights, music, etc).

And since I live in Canada, it would be free. After our 1-2 nights in the hospital, we may go to the B&B for a night, or we may go straight home and then come back on day 3 for our midwife appointment. We could decide at the time on that one.

So, I’m torn. I have no idea which one I want. If money were no object, I’d probably choose the B&B. However money is very tight for us these days, and I want to make a responsible decision. If there would be a big difference in the experience and the environment, then it’s worth it, but if it will be pretty well the same… then I just don’t know.

Thoughts? Advice? What would you choose?

Beth

Beth is the creator and editor here at Red & Honey, a lifestyle blog for the naturally-minded homemaker. She recently began a passionate love affair with coffee and her life will never be the same. She has had three babies in less than four years, is a professional laundry-avoider, and loves to stay up way too late making weird stuff from scratch that normal people tend to just buy in a store. Hence, the coffee.

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I’m officially in my second trimester now. This pregnancy has really been flying by, but there is a long ways to go yet, and the first and second trimesters usually do go quickly for me, only to be slowed down to a complete crawl in the third (heavy, large, whale-like) trimester. I did end up experiencing some morning sickness (just nausea though, not actually throwing up, thankfully) starting around week eight or so. I just chalked it up to not eating on time or whatever, but when it was happening every single day, usually in the morning, I finally figured it out. Duh… the nausea might just be that whole morning sickness thing… hmm. This is the most sick feeling I’ve ever been in pregnancy, and I’m hoping the golden second trimester comes through for me soon.

I’ve been really contemplating my parenting skills lately and how much refining they need. With a preschooler and a toddler to be around every day, my ugliness and impatience is daily exposed. All the better to learn and grow from, right? Yeah, that’s it. My Wednesday group of mamas that gather weekly has been such a challenge and encouragement to me lately. I’m really loving this little group of woman who share their struggles and make me feel more normal. Anyway, with a third babe on the way, I really can’t afford to just wing it. I am trying to be more intentional in my parenting “moments”, and I find myself quite self-aware these days, almost like watching myself from an out-of-body experience. I see my weaknesses, now I just need to work on them.

By the way, if you were considering leaving a comment to inform me of how very large my belly is and are-you-sure-it’s-not-twins??… well, ahem, I know. Can we just add “you’re-so-HUGE” to the list of things you should not say to a pregnant woman ever? OK, good. I know my belly is big already – I’m told it’s normal for third pregnancies, and my midwife listened to the {one!} heartbeat at my last appointment. Plus, these photos were taken last night after supper, and I’m pretty sure my belly doubles in size between morning and night. I guess my babies prefer their stay in l’hotel utero to be spacious and roomy. I can’t blame them, really. Here’s the whole shebang…

It’s kind of weird that I can’t really find much more to say about my pregnancy thus far. For my first I pretty well thought about it 24-7. Every mundane detail fascinated me. Pretty natural, I guess. This time though, it’s not new and exciting in quite the same way. It is exciting in a different way though… a quiet wonder, a comfortable knowing. The stolen glances down at my swelling midsection, savouring and enjoying the little life that is slowly getting bigger and bigger. What an incredible time – the anticipation is beautiful (difficult at times to be patient, but beautiful nonetheless). I recently watched a video that said that if human beings continued the rate of growth that they have in the first trimester of gestation, they would weigh approximately 2.5 tonnes by birth. No wonder I’ve been tired. Growing people is hard work!

In other random news that I don’t want to write an entire post about… I give you the following bullet points:

* We are traveling to Toronto for Christmas in ONE WEEK! Yikes! That snuck up on me! I am super excited to see family and friends. We live a four-hour plane ride (plus 1.5 hour drive on our end) away, so the visits are always pretty exciting.

* I am all in a dither about the homemade gift thing. I’ve actually done pretty well. We’re doing the advent thing (which I will probably post about soon), and I’ve got Isaac’s afghan almost finished. Half of my Christmas cards are mailed, and half are waiting for addresses. We have plans for a DIY play kitchen that is so totally rad in my mind, but not yet made into a reality, so uh, here’s hoping. I have not yet even started the photo books though, and I’m pretty bummed about that. There’s only like 4 days left before the deadline for shipping by Christmas, and I’m seriously considering just doing it after the holidays, and getting our parents different gifts this year. I just hate to disappoint people in these things, and I’m having a hard time letting it go. We will see, I guess.

* I am STILL so conflicted about “The Santa Thing”, but I think I am coming to a point of decision on it. I think I will blog about it soon, and I’d welcome your thoughts in the comments. Why do you (or don’t you) do “The Santa Thing” with your kids?

* Sometimes I feel pressured to “create meaningful traditions” with our family and have our specific “things” that we do. We must have a plan! So often though I feel like just enjoying the season and what it offers, and just, you know, being together. The simple stuff. The Christmas concert at church. The community’s events. Hot chocolate. Baked treats. Candy canes. Presents. The tree. Snow. The usual. Nothing revelatory or fantastically pinterest-worthy. Just enjoying and relaxing. Does that even make sense? I’m not sure I’m really communicating my thoughts well here.

* Lastly, don’t forget to enter the giveaway if you haven’t already. It’s ending tomorrow, and there are five winners… so your chances are still pretty good if you enter!

Beth

Beth is the creator and editor here at Red & Honey, a lifestyle blog for the naturally-minded homemaker. She recently began a passionate love affair with coffee and her life will never be the same. She has had three babies in less than four years, is a professional laundry-avoider, and loves to stay up way too late making weird stuff from scratch that normal people tend to just buy in a store. Hence, the coffee.

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The bolded quotes below are comments that I received (on Facebook) regarding my post “Uninhibited Breastfeeding in Public {Reclaiming My Womanhood from Perversity}“.

“I just find it interesting that both sides worry about the other…let those who want to breastfeed breast feed however cover or no cover and others go on about their biz–people can i please have the time you spend worrying about this –this world is ridiculous –let s just all get along ”

“We all need to get over ourselves and worry about real problems like world hunger or something.”

Is this just a matter of “live and let live”? Is it true that we should just “let” everyone breastfeed the way they want, covered or uncovered, and just stop “worrying about it”? Is this a shallow and trite conversation not worth having?

I’m going to have to argue that it’s not that simple, and here’s why:

We perpetuate the over-sexualization of breasts by hiding away the natural use for them and attaching shame and discomfort to it, and in doing so we are in fact harming young girls and women.

This is bigger than just a personal rant for wanting to nurse without a cover. It is certainly not “just another mommy war”. It is about our society’s values and cultural lessons, and how we are raising each generation to think about the human body. It is about all of us.

A task force of the American Psychological Association defines sexualization as follows: “when a person’s value comes only from her/his sexual appeal or behavior, to the exclusion of other characteristics, and when a person is sexually objectified, e.g., made into a thing for another’s sexual use.” By attaching shame to the act of uncovered breastfeeding in public, it is an act of sexually objectifying the woman. It is basically saying that she couldn’t possibly have a non-sexual use of her breasts that is natural and appropriate for others to see.

This task force “on the Sexualization of Girls examined research papers covering the effect of all kinds of media content including television, music videos, magazines, video games, the Internet, movies, and music lyrics. They also looked at the way products are sold and advertised to young girls.” (source for the above quote and this one is here).

The findings of the task force were disturbing, but not all that surprising (to me, anyway). “The report suggests that the sexualization of girls impedes the healthy development of a girl or young woman in several different areas. For example by undermining her confidence and making her feel dissatisfied with her body, this can result in negative self-image and lead to feelings of shame and anxiety. Also, a body of evidence now links sexualization with several of the most common mental health problems in young women and girls: eating disorders, low self -esteem and depression. And there is also the increased chance that it will impact a girl’s ability to develop a healthy sexual self-image.”

I can’t really imagine how this is not a “real problem”. The fact is that the only images people in our culture are seeing of breasts are highly sexualized and pornographic in nature, which has been identified as the cause of multiple issues as described above. What better way to combat this issue than to remove the shame and negativity surrounding the act of breastfeeding and let our society see breasts being used in a way that is natural, non-sexual, and incredible (the intricacy of the design of milk production and the science of breastfeeding is quite fascinating and awe-inspiring!).

Our culture needs to see breasts being used in a context other than sexual if this twisted way of thinking is to ever be overcome. Check out this article and this website on how the over-sexualization of breasts is a cultural phenomenon that is hurting young people, men and women, and society as a whole. How many in our culture grow up having ever seen a non-sexualized photo of normal breasts? Breast tissue, nipple, and areola. The website that I just linked has hundreds of non-sexual photos of real, normal breasts, and discusses this very issue. Perhaps med students, in their textbooks, have seen photos of breasts. Doctors and nurses have seen breasts on the bodies of their female patients. Most of the general population, however, have no idea what normal breasts look like, because we have declared them to be obscene. The exception of course is the media’s twisted and demeaning portrayal of perky and large breasts that all look the same as the others. The reality though is that normal breasts have many variations in appearance, but thanks to not allowing normal breasts to ever be seen and the portrayal of “hollywood breasts” by the media, young girls are left wondering if they’re normal, and often times they are convinced that they are not. Breast augmentation surgery, mental health and body image issues, self-esteem issues are all issues that stem from this cultural practice of shaming public breastfeeding.

If the breast taboo in Western countries has caused a decrease in successful breastfeeding, then it’s not unreasonable to think it likely that the over-sexualization of breasts has also impacted developing nations. In my own four times visiting the beautiful continent of Africa and living in the homes of nationals for several months as their guests, I was privileged to witness the culture first-hand. My understanding surely only began to scratch the surface, but it was also far more than the average person in our culture will ever see or experience. One thing that I saw frequently was just how intensely our Western culture has influenced theirs. Everything is changing about their culture, for better or for worse, because of the common perception that the “white man’s” way is better. The reasons for this are more complex than I could possibly unpack right now, but suffice it to say that it is not at all a stretch to think that our culture’s unhealthy obsession with breasts has affected third world countries as well.

The ironic thing about the comment above is that this whole issue really is connected to world hunger, which is what the commenter suggested we worry about in the first place. In this piece in the New York Times by a journalist in Niger, breastfeeding rates in many developed countries are abysmally low. The strong recommendation by the World Health Organization is exclusive breastfeeding until six months of age, with continued breastfeeding to two years and beyond. In developing nations where clean water and adequate nutrition is not readily available, failing to follow this recommendation is far more deadly than in developed nations. Yet in Niger only 9 percent of babies are exclusively breastfed until six months. That’s up from 1 percent in 1998. “Next door to Niger in Burkina Faso, fewer than 7 percent of children get breast milk exclusively for six months. In Senegal it’s 14 percent; in Mauritania, 3 percent”, writes the author.

The Lancet, a British medical journal says that “1.4 million child deaths could be averted each year if babies were breast-fed properly. That’s one child dying unnecessarily every 22 seconds.” I’m not claiming that the over-sexualization of breasts in our culture and the pressure and shame surrounding uncovered nursing in public is the direct cause of babies dying in the third world, but I cannot deny that it seems highly likely that there is a connection, and the author of the NYT piece quoted above asks the same question.

Let’s help normalize breastfeeding and fight against the objectification of women’s breasts. Of course, your number one priority as a mama is your baby. Do whatever you and your baby need. Then consider your own role in this important conversation, and decide how you can help.

My breasts are an amazingly designed part of my body. They give nourishment and comfort to my babies. If that seems weird, obscene, or gross to you, then I feel sincerely sorry for you.

Breastfeeding in public – uncovered and unashamed – is not only my personal right. It is my responsibility. There are exceptions, of course, and I’m not saying that a distractible baby needs to be uncovered for the sake of making a statement, or someone who feels very shy because of their own body issues and upbringing, etc. should breastfeed uncovered for the sake of society at large. I do think though, that this is an issue that concerns us all. A topic very much worth discussing. And it is a conversation that I dare you to have more often.

***

UPDATED TO ADD: This post has turned into a four-part series, with this being Part Three. The entire series is as follows:

Uninhibited Breastfeeding in Public: Reclaiming My Womanhood From Perversity
Uninhibited Breastfeeding in Public: Is It Obscene and Inappropriate?
Uninhibited Breastfeeding in Public: Not Worth the Controversy?
Uninhibited Breastfeeding in Public: What If It Makes Others Uncomfortable?

Beth

Beth is the creator and editor here at Red & Honey, a lifestyle blog for the naturally-minded homemaker. She recently began a passionate love affair with coffee and her life will never be the same. She has had three babies in less than four years, is a professional laundry-avoider, and loves to stay up way too late making weird stuff from scratch that normal people tend to just buy in a store. Hence, the coffee.

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Does this photo offend you? Just wondering. Because this is WAY more skin than I'd normally be showing while nursing in public. Most people would probably say that this is a beautiful image of bonding and love, and not inappropriate at all (nursing my daughter just minutes after she was born last summer). Oh, and by the way this is less exposed than most women on a beach on a typical summer's day. A perfect case in point is the commenter's public Facebook photos (see explanation below).

I wanted a bit of controversy to liven things up around here, and my last post sure delivered! Breastfeeding in public is about as controversial as it gets, and the comments that I’ve gotten (both here on the blog and via Facebook) have been interesting to say the least.

***

UPDATED TO ADD: The first post has turned into a four-part series, with this being Part Two. The entire series is as follows:

Uninhibited Breastfeeding in Public: Reclaiming My Womanhood From Perversity
Uninhibited Breastfeeding in Public: Is It Obscene and Inappropriate?
Uninhibited Breastfeeding in Public: Not Worth the Controversy?
Uninhibited Breastfeeding in Public: What If It Makes Others Uncomfortable?

***

I tend to suppress my soapbox-ishness most of the time because I find that most people in our culture (with some exceptions of course) are simply incapable of rational debate and logical thought. If that sounds judgmental to you, then feel free to believe that I’m referring to you as the exception

Sometimes though, there’s a fire in me on a particular issue that I just need to express, and where else but on my blog? It’s my own personal space to share my thoughts and opinions as I see fit, and others are perfectly free to come and go as they please. Nothing here is required reading. I only ask that if you share your thoughts in response (which I LOVE) that you do it respectfully and with thoughtfulness (and by that I mean that you actually think through what you say). A debate about a controversial issue is not really the place to spout off emotional opinions without rational thought or basis. It’s just not helpful. I’m not going to run down the list and tell you which comments I thought were not very well rationalized. I will just let my own responses speak for themselves.

***

{Each bolded quote is a comment that I received (either here on on FB) specifically regarding this post. Please note that all comments are cut and pasted exactly as they were written, including any spelling/grammatical errors. Below are my responses.}

“This article fails to take into account that a woman pursuing her right to openly breast feed is forcing someone else to give up their right to be in that same public place without having to look at another woman’s breast. Just because the woman nursing doesn’t view her body as private or sacred, doesn’t mean others need to be forced to see it. Many woman do. All this article is talking about is men being aroused or offended. But there are plenty of woman out there who are. Or perhaps, a mother who has not yet had that talk with her young child. In aggressively asserting your right to nurse, you are forcing others to give up theirs.”

Yikes! Where to begin?

First of all, I do view my body as sacred.

{I also think it’s completely unfair and irrational to assume that a woman who breastfeeds without covering doesn’t view her body as sacred. She perhaps has a greater view of the sacredness of her body and what it is capable of doing than does the average person who thinks that teeny-tiny bikinis are ok but breastfeeding is obscene}.

It doesn’t logically follow that just because my body is sacred that I must therefore keep it completely covered. Unless of course you agree with the extremist Muslim groups who force women to wear burqas.

{does she hold her body as sacred? more than you and I?}

I also would say there are certain parts of my body that I consider to be private, but not all parts. I do wear normal clothing, like pants and shirts, just like most everyone else, but I don’t cover my entire body from head to foot. I don’t wear a burqa, or walk around covered from head to toe in any way. I will have to completely disagree that this means I don’t view my body as sacred.

Also, if I’m being honest this comment kind of made me laugh. There is no such thing as the “right to be in a public place without having to look at another woman’s breast”. There are public nudity laws, but breastfeeding is legally exempt from those. It is, in fact, the complete opposite from the so-called “right to not see another woman’s breast”.

You are sadly misinformed if you think that you have any sort of “right” to not see a mother breastfeeding her baby without covering up. The law protects the exact opposite, and says that asking or demanding that a mother cover up or hide while breastfeeding is in fact discriminatory and illegal.

In Canada the right to breastfeed in public is protected by the Canadian Charter of Rights and Freedoms, with specific legislation in Ontario and British Columbia, and support from the provincial Human Rights Commissions. There are also numerous cases of companies harassing women while breastfeeding in their establishment only to have to backpedal and publicly apologize later. ”The Ministry of the Attorney General of British Columbia states it this way, “Nursing mothers have the right to breastfeed their children in a public area, and it is discriminatory to ask them to cover up or breastfeed somewhere else.”(source)”.

In the United States, the right to breastfeed is even more explicitly protected, with specific legislation having been passed in a majority of the states declaring a mother’s right to breastfeed in any public place without harassment or discrimination.

In this comment, the word “force” (or some variation) was used three times, with the word “aggressive” thrown in for good measure. I find this absurd as well, to be honest. No one is forcing you to eat at that restaurant, or shop at that store, let alone look at the breastfeeding mama and babe. No one put a gun to your head and demanded you go sit in the coffee shop and stare at the woman sitting there quietly breastfeeding her baby. You are perfectly free to leave or look away (or as has been so eloquently stated before: “put a blanket over your own head”). You do in fact have that “right”.

I’m not entirely sure what this commenter was getting at when she said that some women are aroused or offended too. My post mostly referred to men because they are more commonly the ones that have issues with seeing breastfeeding. If a woman was aroused or offended by it I’d say the exact same things to her as I would to the male population. Was there a further point here that I’m missing?

The last thing from this comment that I will address (it was quite the comment…) is this “a mother who has not yet had that talk with her young child”. I’m assuming that the implication is that somehow a young child would be harmed psychologically by seeing a woman breastfeed, or by finding out that breasts are not just a sex toy. I’m not sure what “talk” she is referring to, but perhaps it would go something like this: “Honey, now that you are nearly a teenager and your view of breasts and a woman’s body has been firmly twisted and distorted by the hyper-sexualized and pornographic culture and media, I think it’s time to tell you that breasts are actually… um… also used for nourishing babies…!!!” I can imagine how disturbing that would be. Personally I would rather contribute to the normalization of breasts being used for breastfeeding and fight against the devaluation of women as sexual objects.

Do you want to know the most ironic and ridiculous thing? I clicked on this particular person’s public facebook profile (not someone I know at all), and there were photos posted of her wearing a tiny bikini at the beach. If she wants to fabricate out of thin air the right to not see other women’s boobs, then perhaps she shouldn’t be flashing hers all over a public beach, not to mention wearing extremely low-cut tops that show a ton of cleavage. Is it just me, or is that the most head-scratching representation of hypocrisy that I’ve seen in a very long time? Realistically though, she is sadly also a victim of our culture’s irrational pronouncement that THIS is acceptable in public (don’t click that link if you make a point of avoiding beaches because of the nearly-naked bodies), and yet THIS is not.

***

PLEASE NOTE: the comments + my responses have gotten to be way too long to put in a single blog post, so I am now tackling them one or two at a time. This was the first one. Next up is the assertion that we should stop worrying about such silly things and focus on “real problems like world hunger instead”…

Beth

Beth is the creator and editor here at Red & Honey, a lifestyle blog for the naturally-minded homemaker. She recently began a passionate love affair with coffee and her life will never be the same. She has had three babies in less than four years, is a professional laundry-avoider, and loves to stay up way too late making weird stuff from scratch that normal people tend to just buy in a store. Hence, the coffee.

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{Welcome to my soapbox! Grab a cup of tea and get comfy. This is a long one!}

I have a grand total of 29 months of nursing under my belt now. I nursed Isaac until he was a year, and at nearly 17 months, I’m still nursing Aliza. I’m also pregnant with our third, and anticipating a long and mutually satisfying nursing relationship with the new little one.

I have nursed in pretty well any public place I’ve ever been. I’ve nursed in the thrift store, sitting in an old armchair. I’ve nursed at the mall (and not in the breastfeeding room! how scandalous!). I’ve nursed in a park, at friend’s houses, at restaurants, at the doctor’s office, and at the zoo. If my baby was hungry, I found a place to sit down, and I nursed. I’ve never owned or used a nursing cover, and other than a few times in those brand-new first-time mama days (back when I still sort of believed that it was a shameful thing) I’ve never covered my babies’ heads with blankets. I simply wore tops that enabled me to not flash my postpartum belly flab all around (usually I layered a tank underneath), shifted my clothing as needed to allow my baby access to her lunch, and then sat back to enjoy bonding with my babe.

I recently read an article that was anti nursing-covers. It was a thought-provoking piece that discussed the inherent problems in our culture with expecting women to cover up while nursing. I tend to agree with most of it. The point was not to shame women who wear nursing covers, but to point out the problem with our society that causes women to feel they even need to cover in the first place.

The real issue at hand for me is the expectation that women should cover their breasts at all times, and that it is inappropriate to ever show even the tiniest bit of breast, even if they are simply being used to nourish a baby.

Allow me to explain why…

***

Here are some of the arguments I’ve heard, and my own response to them:

1) Just because breastfeeding is natural doesn’t mean that it should be on display. Sex/urination/defecation are also “natural” and yet we don’t engage in them in public.

MY RESPONSE: Comparing breastfeeding to sex (or urination, etc) is simply not a good analogy. They are entirely different categories. Breastfeeding is the act of feeding a child, not creating one, and it is certainly not similar to urinating or having a bowel movement! Breastfeeding is simply a baby eating a meal. It is not smelly, germy, or dirty. We don’t expect to be served our steak dinner in a public bathroom when we are out to dine. Why should baby? We can stuff an older babe’s face with sweet potatoes while in a high chair, and no one gets offended, so obviously the issue is the fact that it is a breast that is being used, not that the baby is eating. I will address this “offensiveness of breasts” below.

I’d also like to point out that I’ve never whipped my top off like a stripper, flung it across the room, and took on a seductive posture while nursing my babies. I’ve never heard of any other woman doing that either. Sex and breastfeeding are simply two completely different bodily functions which happen to both involve breasts in very different ways. Sex doesn’t involve drinking milk, and breastfeeding does not include reproduction. The differences are so obvious I fear I am overstating my case, but then again I find this “argument” pretty ridiculous to begin with.

2) If a man sees a tiny sliver of breast, then he will be flung into sin and temptation for sexual lust and perverse thoughts. We are responsible for guarding this from happening whenever possible!

MY RESPONSE: My husband says that he has never seen a woman breastfeeding and become sexually aroused or experienced lustful thoughts. He also doesn’t know of any other guys for which this is an issue. That doesn’t mean that it never happens, but I think it’s worth mentioning that perhaps this is far, far from being the norm. Furthermore, perhaps the normalization of breastfeeding in our culture could cause men to have a healthier view of a woman’s body as having dual purposes for both reproduction/breastfeeding, and sexuality. Perhaps perverse ways of thinking about a woman’s breasts can be blamed at least in part on the fact that breastfeeding in public is surrounded by shame and controversy, and the fact that our culture is way over saturated by the sexualization of the woman’s body, especially breasts. (By “perverse ways” I mean the idea that breasts are solely sexual objects that exist for a man’s sexual pleasure, and the idea that a man cannot see them as anything else. Like a way to nourish babies.)

And again, furthermore, perhaps we should recognize that a man’s sexual sin is his own responsibility, and that men are faced every day in our culture with inappropriate sexual imagery, whether it’s an ad on the side of a bus, a 60 foot ad on the wall in a shopping mall, or Kim Kardashian’s cleavage on a magazine cover in the grocery store. My husband is not a cave man, nor an animal. He has the ability to channel his sexual passions where they belong – within our marriage. If he sees something designed to sexually stimulate or arouse outside of the proper context of marriage (ie. other than his wife), he has trained his mind to “move along!”

One more point on this one: I think it’s pertinent to point out that men have imaginations (and plenty of real pictorial representation to draw on thanks to our culture). If they see a woman nursing under a giant piece of fabric, they more than likely know exactly what you are doing, as does everyone within a half-mile radius. There’s no hiding those things. Your breasts may not be showing, but a man is still perfectly capable of lusting in his heart simply by thinking about the breasts that are so obviously uncovered under that piece of fabric. Same thing goes for a woman who picks up her crying baby and leaves the room to nurse privately. Most men will probably figure out what you are doing, and again, are perfectly capable of lusting and thinking perverse thoughts should they so choose. If in fact it is the woman’s responsibility to guard the man from lusting, then perhaps we should consider not leaving the house for the duration of the nursing relationship? It would be 16.5 months and counting for me, though I daresay I’d be getting cabin fever by now.

3) Breasts are inherently sexual, and as such are inherently private.

MY RESPONSE: Actually they are inherently dual-purposed. Breasts were designed to give sexual pleasure within a marriage covenant, and they were designed to nourish and comfort a baby. One purpose is not greater than the other.

I would argue that by rightly criticizing the hyper-sexualization of our culture we have thrown the proverbial baby out with the bath water, and forgotten that breasts were actually designed for something other than luring a man into a store to open his wallet.

I love how a new (to me) blogger called MamaPsalmist puts it: “If/when men only see breasts in a sexualized way, the sexuality is reinforced with each exposure.  When you start to temper that extreme view, you desensitize him to his incorrect notion that breasts are only for him.” It makes sense! No wonder a perverse/incomplete view of a woman’s body is so common – “uncovered” breastfeeding in public is practically a taboo in our culture. Men (not to mention young men/teenagers for whom this is even more critical!) are not given the opportunity to take on a healthy view of women’s bodies. They are set up for failure from the start, and we are victims of our own making.

The fact that breasts are seen only as a source for a man’s sexual fulfilment is simply a reflection of our culture’s perverse view of the woman’s body. I for one choose to not perpetuate the perversity by agreeing that breastfeeding is shameful or in any way needing to be hidden or covered. I totally get that some women are uncomfortable with nursing in public, and that covering up helps them to nurse more comfortably when they otherwise may not even nurse at all. I understand that, and I am glad that they have decided to breastfeed despite feeling unsure/uncomfortable. But until more and more of us are willing to stand against this perverse understanding of breastfeeding and the woman’s body, each generation of new mamas will continue to feel unsure and uncomfortable by doing one of the most natural things by breastfeeding her baby. I believe that this is an injustice and a tragedy.

If scores of men began admitting that they find a woman’s lips extremely seductive (this is actually completely realistic!), would we as women feel it is now our duty to cover our faces? Lips are another good example of a body part that has dual-functions of eating and sexuality. We use our lips to eat, and we use them for kissing. Perhaps we should all just wear burqas? Where would we draw the line? I think this question is begging an answer, and I’d love to hear any possible counter-argument. The only way to avoid that conclusion would be to admit that it is not a woman’s responsibility to ensure that men are not tempted. Of course I’m not saying that we can or should dress like whores, but to be honest I believe that the main issue with dressing like a whore would be disrespecting the body that God gave me, not leading a man into sin.

4) The Bible itself views breasts as sexual objects – haven’t you read Song of Solomon?!

MY RESPONSE: Ah yes, this is what led me to click over to MamaPsalmist’s site in the first place. What a fascinating study she has done! She has discovered that the Bible does in fact reference breasts a fair bit. There are seven references to breasts in a sexual manner: four in Song of Solomon, two in Ezekiel, and one in Proverbs. Then she writes, “How many times does the bible reference breasts in the context of breastfeeding?  14.  Plus 10 other references to nursing and drinking mother’s milk.  Twenty-four times the bible references breastfeeding without shame.   Without hesitation.  Without hiding it under a blanket or in another room.”

In case you missed it – the biblical references to breasts as sexual objects are less than half of all biblical references to breasts/breastfeeding/mother’s milk.

5) There are a lot of creepos out there. Do you really want some random dude in the mall seeing your breasts and getting off on it?

MY RESPONSE: Well, uh, I’d have to say no, I don’t believe I would want that (duh!). But there are also pedophiles walking around, who may see my children sitting with me and think nasty perverse things about them. I can’t really prevent that, and to be honest, I’m glad I don’t know about it. What is the answer? To pretend I don’t have children? Maybe stuff them in a suitcase? Under a burqa? Never let them leave the house again? Hmmm. Clearly that argument is not really helpful. I will not put a “what if” before my baby’s need to be fed. The thought of doing so is clearly ridiculous, and would likely lead to hiding away in my basement for the rest of my life.

***

Obviously I feel strongly about this issue. I’ve been thinking about it for several years, and I’ve read and discussed many times on it. But why?

Because I dream of a culture where women can feel completely free to nourish their babies in the most natural and beautiful way, uninhibited by perverse and demeaning views of their bodies.

I refuse to buy into the lie that I should be ashamed of my body, or of using it to feed my baby her lunch.

I refuse to hide, to cover, or to be embarrassed if I accidentally flash a small bit of skin while my wiggly baby is latching on.

I refuse to be guilted into thinking that seeing me using my breasts to feed my baby are the cause of a man’s sin.

Because one day, perhaps if enough women refuse to perpetuate the lies any longer, we will take our womanhood back from the sexualized perversity that has claimed it, and be free to enjoy our God-given purpose and identity once again.

***

UPDATED TO ADD: This post has turned into a four-part series, with this being Part One. The entire series is as follows:

Uninhibited Breastfeeding in Public: Reclaiming My Womanhood From Perversity
Uninhibited Breastfeeding in Public: Is It Obscene and Inappropriate?
Uninhibited Breastfeeding in Public: Not Worth the Controversy?
Uninhibited Breastfeeding in Public: What If It Makes Others Uncomfortable?

*

Linked up with Megan @ SortaCrunchy for My Green Resource this week!

Beth

Beth is the creator and editor here at Red & Honey, a lifestyle blog for the naturally-minded homemaker. She recently began a passionate love affair with coffee and her life will never be the same. She has had three babies in less than four years, is a professional laundry-avoider, and loves to stay up way too late making weird stuff from scratch that normal people tend to just buy in a store. Hence, the coffee.

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Sometimes I worry about what I am to them.

Am I a care provider? A meal-maker? An owie-kisser? An otherwise-insignificant adult intrusion in their days?

A nay-sayer? A grouch that yells? Jekyll and Hyde in Lululemons?

Am I warmth and love and security?

Am I bearing the image well of the Christ that I am supposed to be introducing to their little hearts?

Sometimes I wonder. 

How will they remember me when they’re grown? What will they say about their childhood? Will they look back with fondness, remembering slivers of love and life  and happiness? Or will the bad outweigh the good? Will their hearts be heavy-burdened and their childlike trust in me be long gone? Never has there ever been a perfect mother in all of history, but there have surely been many good ones. I desperately long to be a good mama in their eyes. Not in the eyes of the world watching, but in the eyes of those two (soon-to-be-three) darling brown-eyed dear hearts gazing up at with utter trust and unblemished optimism.

They know where they rank in my priority list, and I feverishly juggle to keep those priorities straight. It is not the way of the world to submit – not to your children, not to anyone, and yet this is the key to good mothering – to lay down your life, your preferences, your uninterrupted reading time.

How can I overcome my broken humanness so that I can act in a Christ-like manner to my children? So that I can successfully lay it all down for Him? By getting to know the one who has already overcome it. I am covered by His righteousness. Lord, let me not throw it off as a hindrance, thrashing about like a fool. Let it be your righteousness shining through me that answers the 56th “why?” question, or takes deep breaths before freaking out over the latest “you-know-better!” incident.

More of You.

Less of me. 

This is my prayer today.

***

{This post is part of my series this month called 31 Days of Real Housewife Confessions. You can see all of the other posts HERE, and you can subscribe by RSS or email if you’d like to follow along and be (hopefully!) encouraged. After talking (mostly) about homemaking stuff this past week we are now moving into the realm of mothering. Hoping for some good conversations and heart-sharing…}

Beth

Beth is the creator and editor here at Red & Honey, a lifestyle blog for the naturally-minded homemaker. She recently began a passionate love affair with coffee and her life will never be the same. She has had three babies in less than four years, is a professional laundry-avoider, and loves to stay up way too late making weird stuff from scratch that normal people tend to just buy in a store. Hence, the coffee.

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I said I’d never do it.

Take a picture of the test, that is. And then show it proudly to friends and family and strangers. Like, “Hey, look! Here’s a stick that I peed on!”

“Awesome”, they’d think. “And a little bit creepy”.

I was going to do some cute and clever way of sharing our exciting news, you know something creative and original, etc. But honestly y’all… I’ve already fallen to tired zombie-brain. My growing little alien is sucking the brain power out of me already and he/she is only like half an inch long. Yowzers.

So, here are the deets, for those who shall be asking:

* I’m like 5 wks ish. Due early June. Nope, I can’t keep a secret, and see no reason to do so this time around. So, we’re sharing early. Get over it.

* No, we’re not finding out the gender early.

* Yes, I already have a list of names. Please! I’ve had a list since I was like 8. Although, Darlene is not still on it (that’s what I named every single one of my dolls, after my friend’s aunt, which I thought was the prettiest name EVER).

* No, I’ve not been sick yet. Don’t hate me, but I don’t really get morning sickness. I will, however, shortly be starting the fall-asleep-in-your-supper stage, and that should be super-fun.

* Yes it was planned. Yeah, I know you’re all wondering. But even if it wasn’t, we’d still be just as thrilled. We enjoy the age difference between our first two, and wanted the same for the third.

* I’m already kind of “showing”. Don’t laugh. I think it’s mostly leftover baby flab from the previous two + a teeny bit of bloating from this little monkey. But seriously, I’m like as big as my best friends were like two weeks before giving birth. They were never HUMONGOUS WHALES like me when I’m in the last trimester. Thus, I’m telling you all now about the baby so that I can quit sucking it in. If a stranger asks though, I’m telling them I’m in my second trimester…

* We’re gonna be outnumbered…

Beth

Beth is the creator and editor here at Red & Honey, a lifestyle blog for the naturally-minded homemaker. She recently began a passionate love affair with coffee and her life will never be the same. She has had three babies in less than four years, is a professional laundry-avoider, and loves to stay up way too late making weird stuff from scratch that normal people tend to just buy in a store. Hence, the coffee.

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