For Just One Day
I am a big fan of introspecting. I suppose it’s my INFP-ishness coming through. (“They are idealists and perfectionists, who drive themselves hard in their quest for achieving the goals they have identified for themselves”). I am constantly thinking of ways that I could be a better person, and critiquing myself when I fail to do so. (“INFPs have very high standards and are perfectionists. Consequently, they are usually hard on themselves, and don’t give themselves enough credit… The INFP needs to work on balancing their high ideals with the requirements of every day living”).
(Seriously – this INFP thing is just so me, it’s ridiculous…)
All of the sweet women in my Wednesday Mom’s Group are familiar with my declaring that I am such a terrible housekeeper. I secretly suspect that I’m actually fairly average among my peers, but compared to PERFECT, well, I’m pretty bad! I have a tough time keeping perspective in these things, and balancing my high ideals with the nitty-gritty realities of life with pregnancy/toddler/preschooler etc.
One thing that I think would be helpful is to perhaps write down a list of “self-improvement” goals. Things like being more patient with the kids, keeping on top of laundry a bit better, and quitting using certain phrases and words (I’m not talking about curse words – since that’s not really my issue – but rather things like “hurry up!!” or “I’m tired/busy/just a sec/etc). I want to pray more for my kids and hubby, I want to be disciplined a bit more in my spiritual practices. I want to be more consistently healthy in my eating habits, not to mention more frugal.
Then, I was thinking that most of these things just kinda float there on the back burner, never really getting done and receiving a fair effort, since they seem so ridiculously impossible to achieve. But what if I just started with a day? Or even just an hour, if that’s more realistic?
For just one day, I could make a concerted effort to be more patient. Whenever the kids do something that starts my blood boiling, I take a breath, I talk myself out of it, and I employ whatever strategy I’ve prepared. Just one day. Seems do-able.
Then when it’s done, and I’ve succeeded (or seem some improvement), I know it’s possible. It kind of sounds silly, but I really think this could be revolutionary. To know that your goals have a starting point, and that they can start now, today, in the midst of your messy life and many imperfections. To experience the rush of reaching a goal, even if it was as simple as avoiding sugar for one single day.
The first day is always the hardest. But really, I can do anything. For just one day.
Just for one day I will be a more patient mom – not yelling/raising my voice/getting unrighteously angry/annoyed/etc. My strategies to achieve this goal will be to get a good night’s sleep the night before, to give the kids lots of attention when they ask (verbally or otherwise) for it, and to make sure I spend a bit of time reading my Bible. And, of course, heaps and heaps of deep breaths and biting my tongue!
(Please know that I don’t expect to become a perfect mother who is always patient and never gets angry. I do hope that my little experiment will cause me to be much more conscientious about it. I hope for it to be a catalyst towards personal growth in this area).
So, what one thing would you choose to change in your life, for just one day? Do you think this kind of experiment would resonate with you?
I find these personality assessments so interesting… over the years, I’ve become very confused over who I think I am and what I think I need and that has lead to a notable increase of stress in my life – and I didn’t even realize I was doing it to myself! The last test I took almost 6 months ago had be at a toss-up between INFP/J… but the counsellor thinks there’s a chance the I should be an E as I settle into my “new-found” personality traits and habits.
For goals, I find it easiest to pick simple, little, measurable goals that don’t feel overwhelming or can be easily forgotten… to use your goal of patience as an example, instead of aiming for patience across a whole day where I don’t know what would happen, I try to think of specific situation where I get impatient, and plan a response I can give that demonstrates patience instead. Once I feel more patient in that situation and the new reaction is more of a habit, I move on to the next one. (Right now, I am working on getting a single load of laundry done 3 times per week… one load is easy to do, but a full day of laundry is daunting…)
Sorry for the novel, this was a good post and gave me lots to think about. Thanks for sharing!
That’s a great way to think about goals. I love the idea of trying simply to be patient in a situation where it’s normally difficult. That makes so much sense. Getting out the door with the kids comes to mind – I’m normally getting frustrated and telling them to hurry up when they get distracted 18 times from putting their boots on. Patience would be helpful in that situation!
It doesnt matter how many times throughout this last decade I took the test – I still tie and can relate to both. I think perhaps that it is the division between the side of me that is on the autistic scale and the side that is on the normal scale ( logical vs feeling)
I’m really not that fun on purpose;) But I’d love to chat sometime!;)
I tied for INFP and INFJ. I often do Keirsey’s personalities in women’s groups. It really helps people gain understanding. It makes sense that you are this as most times I can relate to your passionate, idealistic ways of changing the world…Well, from the posts I have read anyway. And from talking to you at Dea’s I also realized you were like me in regards to inhibitions…You don’t have many ( hopefully you take that as a compliment) I mean- you don’t mind talking about the body or sex, or anything else that is taboo (ridiculously) to our culture. I am like that too. I could relate to this post A LOT. I guess I have to put you in my reader:) Truthfully I have been avoiding it as your writing style is similar sometimes and truthfully more effective than mine…( yes my green ugly head reared in protest since we are being honest here:) But alas your blog posts are just too beautiful, truthful and passionate to avoid:) I have a feeling there wil be places we will passionately disagree ( I don’t know where you stand in religion) But I also have a feeling you have things I will passionately put my hand up with an eager “me too!” We firecrackers need to support each other:) Ha ha ( Now I will chew my nails until you respond wondering if I totally misread everything and completely insulted you!:)
Interesting that you tied for those two. I don’t know very many other INFP’s. No wonder you “get” what I’m saying so much! I absolutely take that as a compliment – I love having no inhibitions in that way – I have no use for them! Talking about stuff that’s taboo is way too much fun
I absolutely love that you were so bravely honest as to admit that you were a bit jealous. What an amazing compliment that is to my writing. I can hardly fathom that anyone feels that way about my words, especially since I totally feel the same way about so many other writers (and perhaps I need to add you to my reader as well!).
We should have a tea house date and get to know each other a bit better. I think we’d have a lot of fun
Thanks for your sweet words – they really made my day