Breastfeeding a Toddler (Personal Reflections on Our Story)
I sit here sipping my morning cup of tea (decaf while I’m pregnant), basking in the warm glow. The sun pokes above the tree-line and dances its way through my half-opened curtains through which I saw a gorgeous sunrise. The living room lamps are still on and we are in the in-between of darkness and light. The day has arrived, I’ve been up several hours (though not quite as long as my love, who got up first with the little one and let me sleep a bit extra).
The little one and the big one are downstairs in the playroom. The sounds of giggling and happy playing are intermingled with the brief bouts of shouting and whine-crying. They learn and grow together as siblings and playmates, and at the end of the day he leans over to her highchair (which he insists on sitting beside at supper) and asks tenderly “Are we friends, Ally? Are we friends?”
She is 19 months old (and I am nearing 24 weeks pregnant), and she is still nursing. Mostly it’s just once a day, first thing in the morning. It has been a very important thing to her, and she has shown no signs of wanting to stop yet. We sit and cuddle, she and I, first thing in the morning. She nurses, while curled around my growing belly. She sometimes will stop and look at me with a goofy smile on her face, giving a sweet sigh of contentment, and continue on, gazing into my eyes with a piercing and tender love. Our special time brings comfort and peace to our relationship and starts us off with a good dose of oxytocin – lovey-dovey hormones.
I wonder sometimes – when will it happen? It will end, inevitably, and one day she will no longer be interested in being comforted and connecting in this way. She will outgrow the desire and need for it, and she will take a significant step toward independence from me.
I sit here sipping my tea, listening to my babes playing downstairs, and wonder. Is today the day? Is this it? The beginning of the end of a beautiful and tender nursing relationship? She didn’t ask to nurse this morning when I walked out of my room (normally she’s quite insistent about wanting it). She didn’t ask to nurse moments ago when she came upstairs pouting and crying because her big brother had taken a toy away.
At the beginning of this pregnancy she was still nursing three times a day, which was fairly physically taxing on my first-trimester body. Then as we worked on gently encouraging her to nurse a bit less (using distraction, etc), she willingly moved into this groove of once of day, first thing in the morning. It’s a natural part of our day with which we are both content.
There so many emotions running through my mind. Sadness mixed with anticipation, and regret (that I weaned my youngest so early at 12 months and never had this kind of beautiful experience with him). Most of all though I feel at peace. Whether she continues to nurse throughout my pregnancy and beyond, vaulting me into the unknown territory that is tandem nursing, or if today really is the beginning of the end – I am at peace.
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Today I’ve guest posted over at my lovely friend’s space, on “10 Ways to Make Art at Home”. Please pop over and leave a comment!
I nursed my dd until she was 18 months and thought nothing of it. She was still my baby. With my son I had to stop at 12 months due to health issues I had and it broke my heart. I never regret nursing my babies. I watched kids the same age as mine that were not nursed get constant ear infections which usually led to tubes. They were always sick. My dd is 12 and has had one ear infection in her whole life and I don’t think my son has ever had one and he’s 9. It’s just the best bonding time a mom can have with her children. As far as their age and when to stop is such a personal decision. For me, I felt like if they were old enough to verbally ask for it or throw fits if they didn’t get it when they wanted it then that was time to stop. I had seen kids hit their mom and have tantrums because their mom could not nurse them when they wanted. I never wanted it to become a power struggle or something negative. It should always be a beautiful memory and experience.
Hi Tami,
I get what you’re saying, although I have to say I’m more a proponent of child-led weaning. I wouldn’t say that if they old enough to ask for it then they should be weaned. My kids are early talkers, and that would have applied to them well before the age we actually ended up weaning.
Thanks for sharing!
B
I nursed my older son for over three years and at age 5 he was diagnosed with autism. I was so grateful that we had that long nursing relationship and often wondered if it lessened the severity of his attachment disorder?
I wouldn’t be surprised at all. So glad you were able to do that!
Beautiful post! My first daughter nursed until 22 months, and my second has weaned (I guess?) in the past month. She will be 18 months on Monday. They both weaned about the same time in my pregnancies (I’m currently 24 weeks.) I think my milk just dried up…and they had both gotten down to one nursing/day. However, I still offer it to DD #2 when she cries, etc.–even though there is nothing there. Today it hit me that it had been a few days, and I offered, and she actually “drank” like there *was* something there. I looked at her and said: “Are you getting some colostrum or something?!” LOL I LOVE nursing my babies!
Beautiful! Thanks for sharing your stories
This is very interesting, Beth. You are very adventurous. I’m interested with how this works out if Aliza continues after the new one comes. And BYW, your article on Art that you did on a friend’s blog was good too (a relaxed natural way to do art).
Thanks Diane. Adventurous is definitely a compliment, so thank-you!
So glad it’s still a good thing for you two.
I’m now a closet nurser of a preschooler, and still a tandem breastfeeding mama. We’re a rare breed, we tandem-nursers. (ps- you already are tandem feeding, pregnancy counts, in the “official” definition) I’d love to hear your thoughts if Aliza makes it through your pregnancy. I have pretty intense nipple sensitivity when I’m pregnant, and, oh, it made breastfeeding no fun. It was, however, something that Maren still needed, so I hung in there. Every day I thought, this, surely, must be the end. But, it never was. And now I love our bedtime snuggle. It’s one of the few times in a day where she’s soft and still against me, and it’s a balm to my sleep-deprived soul.
Also, it gets more entertaining as they get older. Ahem. My mom tried to give Maren a glass of milk not too long ago, and Maren’s response was, “I don’t drink that milk. I don’t like it. I drink my milk from my mama’s boob (oh, I’m working on changing this particular part of her vocab!), and so does Nate.” Snort. *I* thought this was particularly funny.
Have you seen anything on the science of breastmilk composition in a tandem breastfeeder? I haven’t done a super-concentrated search, but in none of the related literature have I read anything that covers this. The milk changes as a baby grows, but it also “resets” itself for a newborn, so how do those two processes interact when your body is trying to do both, simultaneously?
I didn’t know that I was already technically tandem feeding, but I can see how that would be true!! This kid (in utero) eats like a horse. Or maybe that’s why I’ve gained 30lbs by 24 wks prego? ha!
Love that M said that to your mom. How funny. Hope your mom found it amusing as well
I don’t know about the science of it, but I’ve heard that yes the milk changes to meet the newborn’s needs, and the older baby just drinks that. Sometimes they don’t like it and won’t nurse as much?? I think the newborn milk is richer and “heavier” than the other stuff, so I don’t think the older baby is missing out on anything, nutritionally-speaking. I’d be interested in some scientific study on this topic. I wonder if kellymom or jack newman’s site have anything…