...so this is the six week belly (after supper though, and that seriously makes a difference you know. and I'm not kidding when I say that my friend was seriously this size at almost 23 weeks pregnant! granted, it was her first pregnancy, and this is my third, but still, yikes! i must say though - half of it is probably leftover space from number one and two, haha!). also - please excuse the really dirty mirror that doesn't help my "i'm-trying-to-be-a-good-housekeeper" case.

I rocked my daughter to sleep last night (yes, she’s still rocked/nursed to sleep, and yes we’re ok with it. mostly), her little arm curled around mine, holding me closer as she nuzzled in to my breast and heaved a quivery sigh of surrender, slowing breath, and eyelashes dusting her plump cheeks. Her body gave in to the rest it craved and the blissful security that I provide, and I rocked in that creaky chair ’til I was sure she was out. I breathed in the moment of sweet cuddles and then with a mind to the dirty dishes awaiting me downstairs (and before I rocked myself to sleep) gave her up to her cozy bed. Another slow sigh and wiggle to get comfy, then all was still.

I sighed, and reprimanded myself for the mind that had gone galloping away into a future world of worries and what-if’s, yet again.

Such a wild and untameable mind I have sometimes.

You see, I am six weeks pregnant. And my pants are getting tight. (Rocked the bella band for the first time today – woohoo for wearing my favourite jeans still, even if they weren’t even close to buttoned). And in these days of growing belly, having gone through this twice already before, I know what’s coming. I know the massiveness that is my impending future. And so, worry is what floods my mind when putting my dear daughter in her crib these days.

Will she learn to fall asleep by herself before I’m too huge?

What if she doesn’t and I’m so huge I can’t bend over?

What if I have to try but I’m such a massive blob that it’s impossibly awkward and wakes her every time? Stressful!

How did I do this with Isaac, when I was pregnant with Aliza?

Will I grow so tired that I begin to resent this little one?

Will I be fired from the motherhood club and be a massive failure…!?

Before I know it, my mind has been consumed with thoughts and worries that are not mine to worry about. But the thoughts are fleeting and soon I am focused on staying awake long enough to do the dishes and relax with the hubby for a few precious moments before falling into that amazingly soft pillow and duvet combo. But the same thing comes to mind night after night, as I bend to place the little piece of me known as Aliza in her bed, and I am affronted with little wisps of worry. What-if. What-if. What-if.

Do I truly trust Him with my needs? With my troubles?

It’s just a “small thing”, really. The awkwardness of being hugely pregnant and how to care for other small children. But it’s representative of the larger fears and what-if’s that loom in the shadows of my mind.

I was reminded of this verse:

“Give your entire attention to what God is doing right now, and don’t get worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow. God will help you deal with whatever hard things come up when the time comes.” {Matthew 6:34, The Message}

“Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.” {Matthew 6:34, NIV}

And breathed a sigh of relief.

Just knowing that I only have to think of today’s troubles is a burden lifted. I feel lighter and freer, just letting that wash over me. What a priceless gift!

And the words of this hymn are sung in my mind:

O soul, are you weary and troubled?
No light in the darkness you see?
There’s light for a look at the Savior,
And life more abundant and free

Turn your eyes upon Jesus,
Look full in His wonderful face,
And the things of earth will grow strangely dim,
In the light of His glory and grace.

~~~

Do you find yourself being carried away by worries? No matter whether they are big or small, they can take a place that is not rightfully theirs in your life. Do yourself a favour, and “give your entire attention to what God is doing right now”.

{This post is part of my “31 Days of Real Housewife Confessions“. More than halfway done now! I’ll be chatting mainly about marriage and womanhood from here on out, although let’s be honest – I’m not good at following the rules… even my own, so we shall see!}