Wholehearted Homemaking, Part One: Confessions
{This subject has been heavy on my heart for many months. Until now I haven’t been able to see the forest for the trees. Now that I feel I’m somewhat coming out on the other side, I am able to see a bit more clearly. It’s a big conversation – one that is not talked about as much as the cute little crafty ideas, or the nutritional info, or the eco-friendly stuff. It’s more threatening than a recipe – if not for you, then certainly for me. I’m being vulnerable, and transparent. That might come back to bite me… or maybe I’ll just be met with silence, wondering if everyone else is thinking about how they certainly do not identify in the slightest.
Or, perhaps this road is not as lonely as it may seem?}
…
There are things I blog about, and there are things I don’t. I’m sure everyone is the same way, blogger or not. There are things we talk about in polite conversation, and then there are things that are most often left unsaid.
This post is going to be about some of that ‘unsaid’ stuff.
Right now, I feel that I am not being the best version of myself as a wife and homemaker.
Sometimes (gulp – OFTENtimes?!)…
…I sit on the couch and waste time online, instead of taking care of household duties.
…I choose to have a poor attitude when my day doesn’t go exactly as I wanted, instead of choosing joy.
…I dump that bad attitude on my husband, instead of welcoming him into a peaceful haven after a long day of work/school.
…I lose my temper and raise my voice to my two-year-old, instead of responding with grace.
…I am mean mommy, instead of calm and kind mommy.
…I get overwhelmed and paralyzed with the many things on my to-do list and my desire for perfection (thinking that if I attain it I will be satisfied), instead of trusting that my best is good enough, and that my husband loves me, flaws and all.
…I blog about the good days only, instead of admitting my weaknesses. Or worse, I romanticize my weaknesses, instead of leaving them raw and unfiltered.
…I’m selfishly engrossed in myself, instead of how I can make my husband feel loved and appreciated, and my kids cared for and loved.
{I think it’s pretty obvious that I’m not perfect, and never will be. I know that. But right now I’m not even trying my best. I’m sinking in my own selfishness and sin.}
There are days when my husband walks in the door at suppertime, and I do not have supper ready (or even almost ready), the house is even more of a mess than when he left that morning, I’m grouchy, and the kids are fussing and misbehaving. In those times, I feel like a total failure at my job. So many people say “you should give yourself grace in this season of raising young kids… it’s important to take time for yourself, etc”. I wish someone would say, “Get off your butt and take care of your house and family. Work hard, honouring God in your day, not being lazy, having a joyful attitude, and greet that awesome man of yours with a hug and a serious kiss when he walks in the door! Your life is a blessing, so start acting like it! And those days that you do try your best, and chaos still ensues… it’s not a reflection on your worth as a homemaker and mom”.
Thankfully, I feel like I’ve really rounded a corner in the last month or so – the days were *oh so heavy*, but I’m finally coming back. When we started GAPS in January, I was in a deep funk. I don’t want to say I was “depressed”, but there were lots of ‘heavy’ days. I just could not seem to get a handle on daily life – I was constantly feeling behind and inadequate as a homemaker. A combination of a little bit of extra work on our marriage, and a diet that allowed my moods to heal and come out of that funk, and I am now definitely on the upswing…
I’m reading a book right now called The Quotidian Mysteries: Laundry, Liturgy, and “Women’s Work” (sent to me by a sweet friend whom I greatly admire) and the following really hit the nail on the head:
“The fact that none of us can rise so far in status as to remove ourselves from the daily, bodily nature of life on this earth is not usually considered a cause for celebration, but rather the opposite. The daily routines that provide a modicum of discipline in our lives are perceived as a drag, a monotony that can occasion listlessness, apathy, and despair.” (emphasis mine).
Norris (the author) goes on to say that (and this is a long quote, but worth getting through to the end!):
“The Bible is full of evidence that God’s attention is indeed fixed on the little things. But this is… simply because God loves us- loves us so much that the divine presence is revealed even in the meaningless workings of daily life. It is in the ordinary, the here-and-now, that God asks us to recognize that the creation is indeed refreshed like dew-laden grass that is ‘renewed in the morning’ (Ps 90:5), or to put it in more personal and also theological terms, ‘our inner nature is being renewed every day’ (2 Cor 4:16). Seen in this light, what strikes many modern readers as the ludicrous attention to detail in the book of leviticus, involving God in the minutiae of daily life- all the cooking and cleaning of a people’s domestic life- might be re-visioned as the very love of God. A God who cares so much as to desire to be present to us in everything we do… When it comes to the nitty-gritty, what ties these threads of biblical narrative together into a revelation of God’s love is that God has commanded us to refrain from grumbling about the dailiness of life. Instead we are meant to accept it gratefully, as a reality that humbles us even as it gives us cause for praise. The rhythm of sunrise and sunset marks a passage of time that makes each day rich with the possibility of salvation”
Beautiful. These words grip my heart in a fresh way, and present a strong challenge, and I hope I am up for it. “to accept it gratefully…”, indeed.
My desire, in my role at home (as home-maker – literally: making the home) is to be wholehearted (wholehearted: “undivided commitment or unreserved enthusiasm”). I have two new blog badges in my sidebar to remind me of this desire. Authenticity and wholeheartedness. Worthy goals that I’ll talk about more in Part Two and Part Three.
Watch for these follow-up posts coming soon…
Wholehearted Homemaking, Part Two: Identifying Hindrances
Wholehearted Homemaking, Part Three: Finding Your Rhythm
Edit: This post was mostly written several days ago. I think writing things out is good for a heavy-burdened soul, because I’ve felt more free in the last few days than ever before. God is teaching me things, dear friends. And I’m finally opening my heart to *hear* them. More to come in part two…
I just found your blog (via pinterest) and have really enjoyed this little mini-series… Thank you. I’ve also add The Quotidian Mysteries to my ever-growing reading list. Did you write part 3? The link isn’t working and I can’t seem to find it…
i found your blog for the first time, stumbled upon this entry, and burst into tears. thank you so much for these transparent words!
thanks for visiting, and for your kind comment
[...] Wholehearted Homemaking, Part One: Confessions, I talked about how I am not currently being the best version of myself as a wife and homemaker. [...]
Thanks Beth! I know you posted this a few weeks ago, but the Lord knew I needed to read this today. Your list of confession (for lack of a better word for it) is very similar to my own- I can see myself doing a lot of those things and I often wish I was doing better as a wife and homemaker. And now, I’m going to get off my butt and clean up our bedroom.
It’s a journey, Les, and you’re doing great… part two of this topic is coming soon…
That’s where I’m at two. I find it so hard when I mention how bad I feel that I’m not trying harder to bless other people’s lives and everyone says that nobody expects me to do that because of the 3 kids I’m taking care of at home. But I hate being wrapped up and totally involved in only my own life. Afterall God can give us the energy and resources we need to do whatever work he calls us to…and I have a feeling that doesn’t include self-centeredness. I just need to figure out what he’s calling me to in this season of life…and step out in faith believing that he will take care of the little details! Thanks far sharing Beth!
[...] friend over at Red and Honey wrote about Wholehearted Homemaking it’s similar to the post I wrote a few weeks ago about not being a perfect Mama. I love that [...]
Oh girl… two things. One is nobody is perfect. (About two weeks ago I wrote about my struggles of parenting on my blog, titled I am NOT perfect!) You will find the more you share your struggles the more you find just like you! *waves hand!
Two is you are bona fide my friend! Thanks so much for sharing on my Facebook page! I will be sharing on a link love post tomorrow. Beautiful! We do our best. That’s all we can do!
Beth,
Thanks for being real.
I think it is so vital to our Christian walk to be honest with each other, especially other believers, about our struggles. Here is what I have been learning:
Today, I was so frustrated with my husband. As I was outside strolling my baby, I cried out to God about my hurt. Then he gently showed me how cold I had been, and that the issue was my own attitude & clinging to my hurt feelings. One thing that I have realized that has been encouraging the past few months, is that I realize that I am always going to mess up. Sure, I will grow & mature, but while on this earth, there will always be a battle within me to listen to the Spirit or my ugly, selfish fleshly nature. Why is that encouraging to me? He knows that I can never be perfect, and he loves me anyway. To be able to focus on just “being with Him” (which produces way more fruit than I could muster on my own) instead of getting it all right, what a relief.!
Hi Bess,
Thanks for your comment, and welcome. How did you find us?
I totally get what you’re saying – the relief of not having to get it right is huge. Such a load off. And it’s a good reminder for me, since I tend to want to know what I can “do” to grow closer to God… when in reality the first thing I have to “do” is just to “be still and know”. There will always be a battle within us (in this life), but our God is greater, which is such a relief!
Well done Beth! Love Mom
Oh Beth – are you kidding? Of course you are not alone! I laughed at your comment about being mean mommy instead of calm and kind mommy – it just sounds so similar to what goes on in my head. My dichotomy is angry mommy vs. happy mommy. Sometimes I ask God to just please, please help me NOT be angry mommy today!
What a great new way to think of Leviticus, and of the “mundane” earthy details of my life. I’ve been working part time for the last couple months, but will probably be at home again all day, every day starting in mid-May. I’m full of ambitions about how to improve on my past performance as a SAHM, and this post inspired me to give it my all, but it also reminded me that my heart and attitude is way more important than accomplishing tasks and being “productive.”
Thanks for sharing. It definitely takes courage to send such an admission out into cyber-space!
P.S. It’s me – Mary Cannon
Hey Mary! So glad to hear from those who “get” what I’m saying
Good to hear from you, by the way. Too bad we don’t live closer to each other… I think a play date would be fun 
Yep.
This is beautiful. So many days I feel the same way. Soooooo many days.
And now, I’ll get up from wasting my time on the computer, and get the dishes done.
Keep fighting the fight, Beth. Thanks for your honesty. God will meet you in your struggles. He is very much THERE in our dailyness.You are doing a good thing by trying to blog your struggle to grow in godliness. God bless you as you try to encourage other women.
Nomes – it’s a journey… you’re going to be great, as I know you already are. Allow Jesus to teach you through tender experience and through your failures – you’ll be a better mother if you do.
I wish I had the time to write more, but I don’t right now. All I want to really say though is that I hope I can learn from what you’ve written to not fall into the same sort of sin and temptations which I can feel would be in my heart as the days and weeks go by of starting the journey of parenthood.
love you muchly
Yes, yes, yes! You are not alone! Thank you for sharing your heart – I love the term “wholehearted homemaking”! That’s exactly where (I hope) I’m headed…(as in, pointed in that direction…miles yet to go…) Bless you, my Friend!
And you also!
I love this post! Because this is something that I am learning too. I’m trying to find my way as a Homemaker in this calling that God has blessed me with. Some days are SO hard & some are easier but the hardest thing is controlling my attitude.
A couple of weeks I stumbled across this (no clue how I got there) but the following paragraph hit me & I have gone back to read it so many times…
“Me? You. A servant.
That’s what I am. That’s the radical expression of the radical grace I’ve been shown—a slave to Christ, a handmaid to His will. And my domain is my home. This is something I’ve been trying to pound into my head, my heart, my life: There is never a task that is “not mine.” There is never an excuse to say, “That’s not my job.” There is never a minute of my life that is completely my own. Why? If I am surrendered, than I am all Christ’s—and interruptions become divine calling.”
From: http://raisinghomemakers.com/2011/the-end-of-not-me/
Thanks for your honesty on a subject which I rarely open up about but also struggle with on a daily basis.
Love you!!
Katrina, I love that! Reminds me of that post I wrote a while back on that “domestic monastery” article. Perhaps I’ll have to recycle that one and post it again.
I think it is great! I love what your doing. Keep it up! FANTASTIC!
I totally understand, Beth, I really do.Thanks for sharing your heart. Helps me feels not so alone. *hugs*